Our foray into the world of DD

I wrote this post last year, when I was new to the DD scene. Though we have both grown through our relationship this past nine months, I still have a lot of the same feelings that were present then.  I also thought this would give me a good opportunity to share a bit about myself, and practice my writing.  🙂


(May 2011)

I fantasize about my husband spanking me.

 It is a sexual thing for me as well as a bonding thing. I am not a masochistic person, in search of pain. (If that was the case, I would not have begged for the epidural during both pregnancies) I am however, a woman in need of a lot of love and attention. I have always been a people pleaser, in need of consistent affirmation.  Most of the time, my self – esteem is good, allowing me to see the beautiful, energetic woman that God made me. But I hit points where everything crumbles around me. Sin and hatred, and self – loathing bubble up from me, lashing out, engulfing and smothering me, until I finally over-react to release all the negative energies.

After reading my first spanking romance, I was intrigued by the feeling of rightness. I tirelessly researched spanking, until I came across a Domestic Discipline site. I realized that DD was the type of relationship I had always longed for. I brought it to my husband, and waited for his decision.

And waited.

And waited.

When he finally concluded that I was not going to let this thing go, that it was not a phase I was going through, he agreed to try it.  It was a little rough at first, since he did not want to fully participate. I realize now, that it was also hard for him, because I was the SME (subject matter expert), who was emasculating him through my actions. I was essentially “topping from the bottom”.  But we finally hit a groove, and agreed that DD was the right move for us.

I still fantasize about my perfect husband, who can read my mind and emotions. He can understand exactly what I am saying, and more importantly, what I am NOT saying.

He knows how to push me to better myself.

He gives me freedom to make my own choices.

He respects, and loves me unconditionally.

He adores my body, and flirts with me.

When he takes me to bed, he becomes a caveman, and naturally dominates me, while also ensuring that I am completely satiated. (LOL, I told you it was a fantasy)  

He sets boundaries for me, like stopping swearing, and stopping after one glass of wine (I get around that now, by using a bigger glass); and never sets me up for failure.

But when I do fail to stay within a boundary, he lovingly punishes me, and sets me back on the straight and narrow.

Then he nurtures me and soothes me, and tells me how much he loves me.

This is my fantasy. It is neither realistic for me to expect, nor is it loving or kind for me to demand.  My husband loves me, and will do almost anything to make me happy, but he is not the natural top that I fantasize about. And I will not resent him for that. Instead, I will relegate this superhero to my computer. He will be a great main character for my spanking novels. 🙂

I know my husband is a little lacking in the emotional / empathy department. It’s just the way he is. I also know that he does not have the time or energy for another “child” to care for. Thankfully, my petulant, child-like (princess having a temper tantrum) qualities don’t surface that often. Mostly when I get stressed out, or am lacking in attention. 🙂

For the time being, I will just continue to ask him when I need some extra “attention”. He does seem more receptive since I got the new set of lacy thongs.  🙂

14 thoughts on “Our foray into the world of DD

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Yes, it definitely is. Now, if I could just get a handle on getting the words from my head to the paper coherently, I would be gold!
      But that is what the practice is for
      Thanks, Ana 🙂

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      I really appreciate your kind words, Paloma. Thanks! Sorry it took so long to reply. I have not figured out where to find comments, and yours was in the spam folder. sorry. 😦 I think I have officially un -spammed you 🙂

  1. Patricia Green

    We all have fantasies of one sort or another. Your attitude toward your “vanilla” husband is admirable. No one is perfect and it’s not fair to expect them to be. Lovely essay, Katherine.

  2. krblake

    Most men aren’t observant, although I’ll bet he can tell by the tone of your voice if you’re stressed or unhappy about something. He may not immediately surmise turning you over his knee is the answer, but if you are open with him I’m sure he’ll give you what you need. And I think you put your thoughts into words very well, Katherine.

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks Kathryn. I think I will edit my “Letter from a Spanko Wife” and hand it to him. Or better yet, if someone can figure out how to translate into computer-eez, he might just get it. I am picturing MS DOS, and If / then statements, and some sort of coding explanation . 🙂
      Hehe, “a computer geek and a spanko walk into a bar…”

  3. Jade Cary

    How brave and how open of you to share this with us! I love reading about your journey, your ups and downs, what works and what doesn’t. I laughed at this:

    “I still fantasize about my perfect husband, who can read my mind and emotions. He can understand exactly what I am saying, and more importantly, what I am NOT saying.”

    And this is why I have never fantasized about my husband spanking me. While Tom is naturally dominant, and after almost 30 years together he is getting better at all of the above, he has never been comfortable taking our problems ‘over his knee’. Will he swat my ass for sass? Oh, lordy yes. And I have found that is enough for me, because, really, that is my worst fault.

    Wonderful to hear about your journey, Katherine!

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Jade. I loved the rhyme. “swat my ass for sass”. 🙂 I appreciate your reading my post, and replying.
      This is all still a bit new to me. But I am finding the writing to be cathartic, so I will keep posting as long as I can do so without making an arse out of myself. 🙂


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