Being in a Domestic Discipline relationship with a vanilla HOH, has it challenges. It almost seems like he cannot spank me enough. I try not to resent his lack of consistency, and remind myself that the time between spankings have a very different meaning for each of us. I am an emotionally charged, charismatic woman. I am also somewhat flighty, and prone to fits of “bratting”.
Two weeks between maintenance sessions, is an eternity for me. Fourteen whole days! I feel like I am going to blow up, but am not aggressive enough to throw an F-bomb at him, or a lamp. Instead, I resort to passive aggressive tendencies, manipulation, and guilt trips. (hiding his razor, rolling my eyes, pouting, hiding his toothbrush…). And I feel guilty for treating my spouse this way. I don’t want to treat him disrespectfully, but I can’t seem to stop pushing him.
For him, two weeks between sessions is like, “It hasn’t even been a month! Do you seriously need attention already?” (insert masculine eye roll). He seems resentful and burdened, like this is something he HAS to do for me, but he darn well is not going to like it.
After several arguments over this issue, we agreed to a compromise. I would ask for “it” when I felt I needed a maintenance spanking. And he would not roll his eyes, or make any derogatory comments.
It is not the best scenario. But is better than the alternative, guilt laced manipulation and resentment on both sides.
But asking for a spanking is embarrassing.
I feel ashamed that I can’t hold it together longer than a few weeks.
I feel badly that I am burdening him with this task.
And I feel hurt when his emotions express discontent over our arrangement.
I feel as if he is judging me.
I feel humiliated and vulnerable.
With one sarcastic word, or roll of his eyes, I am devastated.
So I wait until the last-minute, or I don’t ask at all. The negativity builds in me, until it spews forth, erupting like a volcano of hurtful words and actions, leaving destruction in its wake. This is far worse than it should have been. At this point, we are both hurt emotionally by my outburst. We make amends, and start over, with me promising that next time I will do a better job of letting him know my needs – before things escalate.
So the choice is clear. I need to ask for “it”.
It’s hard for me to express my needs, and I struggle with the inner turmoil of shame and judgment over needing this thing called maintenance. But it’s far better for both of us, if I am honest. He can take care of me quickly, and I don’t have the remorse and guilt of another eruption.
I am still going to sign him up for mind reading classes, since he hasn’t figured out what pouting, eye rolling and missing hygiene items mean. 🙂