Non sexual Intimacy – part 1 – Band of Brothers

I really enjoy a good spanking story, especially a romance where the strong alpha male upends the leading lady, and follows it up with a passionate love making session.  Almost all my favorite stories include this dynamic.  Mmmm, I love a good spanking.

Spanking is a very intimate act, which I enjoy reading about and also physically partaking in.

Then I read a book that tilted my world on its axis.  In this story, the main character implemented spankings for punishment, stress relief, and release from guilt.  These physical chastisements were done out of love. Theirs was one of the most intimate and loving relationships I have ever read.

But there was no sex! Surely there had to be some sort of sexual release at the end of such an intimate act! Society maintains that intimacy and sexuality go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. It’s physiology, right? Being the ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) type of personality that I am, I had to see if I could disprove this social theory.  I came up with the following questions:

  1. What is intimacy?
  2. Does intimacy always lead to sex?
  3. If spanking is considered an intimate act, does a spanking always lead to sex?
  4. Is it possible to have an intimate relationship, without indulging in sexual relations?

After several very interesting internal dialogues (I have some awesome conversations with myself), some researching online, and a bit of intense “people watching”, I decided to share my thoughts on my blog. What follows is a three part mini-series about intimacy and the plausibility of it in a non-sexual relationship.

Today’s post will be about “brotherly intimacy”.  I am using the military as my reference, since my husband and I met in the Army.  We have almost 30 years of military experience between the two of us, and understand the framework of unit cohesion and safety.

My second post will be about “sisterly intimacy”. (I’m still working on this one. There is so much to choose from. If you have a favorite movie, literary work, or historical couple to suggest, please do so. Thanks in advance) J

My final post will be an interview with Anastasia Vitsky, author of “The Way Home”.

This is the story that started all of this, and got my brain moving in the direction of rational processing again.  (Since this does not happen very often, we will also have a celebratory glass of wine afterward.)

We will be discussing the intimacy between her two main characters – yes, one of them gets spanked, a lot! – And how she was able to create this intimacy without the burden of a sexual relationship. We will finally be able to talk about my favorite thing- spankings!

But first, post one – the guys…


Non-sexual Intimacy (Band of Brothers)

Society has told us for so long now, that intimacy among two people is not possible without sex.

I don’t believe this is to be 100%  true.

I think there is such thing as a familial bond even for those who are not bonded by blood.

The need to protect, and nurture, and love a person so unconditionally, that you would die for them.  And sex is not even a part of it.

The relationship can be fraternal or paternal.

(1)Wikipedia explains that genuine human intimacy requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity.

When I think of this explanation, I think of the military, more specifically soldiers at war.  The men sharing a foxhole on the front lines had to trust each other.  Their very lives and the lives of the rest of their unit, depended on the actions of the man next to them.  This relationship was created through their vulnerability.  There were very little secrets among these soldiers.  They shared their families, hopes, and dreams, through their dialog.  They saw each other unclothed; they provided medical service for injuries; and had to take care of biological functions very close to each other.  Privacy was a luxury for non-war time.  These “brothers in arms” perfectly show us the meaning of non-sexual intimacy in a relationship.

My husband and I are former military. He served on Active Duty during Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I joined the Army National Guard when I turned 18, and remained mostly stateside.  One of our favorite mini-series was “Band of Brothers”.  It portrayed the lives of the young men of Easy Company, from their paratrooper training through the end of World War 2.  This show contained everything a former military couple could want; action, drama, honor, bravery, loyalty, personal growth, personal loss, and intimacy.

These men were brothers, who lived and died for each other.

The intimacy in their relationships provided them with strong emotional attachments.

These attachments gave them a society in which to belong.

And this society was where they felt safe.

These relationships were the epitome of intimacy, held together by the deepest desires to be safe and loved and nurtured.

Yes, intimacy is a very deep connection that can lead to sexual activity. But is it necessary? Is it definitive?

In the case of The Brothers, I opine a clear and resounding, “NO”.

Their close bonds helped them work together, stay safe, and fight their wars (both physical and personal). Their intimacy was intense, deep, and did not necessitate sex.

Questions for the day:

  1. Do you have a father or grandfather who served during war time? Did he ever talk about the intimacy he shared with his fellow troops?
  2. Can you think of any other intimate acts or relationships that are not sexual?
  3. Are there any other male characters historical or fictitious, that you can think of, who portray an intimate relationship that does not include a sexual component?

Thanks for joining me today. Please come back for the next installment of the intimacy mini-series.

And if you have the chance, please thank someone who has served. Because of them, we can talk freely about cool stuff like spankings and sex!

Yeah for freedom! 🙂

5 thoughts on “Non sexual Intimacy – part 1 – Band of Brothers

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Alyssa. You’re absolutely right! There doesn’t seem to be a line between black and white when it comes to emotions.. So much of our behavior stems from grey. The hardest part is accepting it.
      Thanks for replying.

  1. Pingback: Non sexual intimacy – An interview with Anastasia Vitsky | Katherine Deane - Adventures in Romance

  2. mikey2ct mother’s 2nd and 3rd hubbies were both WWII vets and never talked about the war.
    One was in the Battle Of the Bulge in late ’44.
    The other spent the war in Kansas helping to train B-17 pilots.
    Please email me if you would like more detail.

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks so much for reading and replying.
      I loved the stories my grandfather used to tell. They are so interesting and intimate, sometimes happy, sometimes painful. Thanks so much for your kind offer.


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