Ah nuts, I had this post ready for yesterday. It talks about my DD lightbulb moment from a few nights earlier.
I wanted to share it, but wasn’t quite sure if it was ready to be viewed. I also was not sure what the reactions would be, and I am a little insecure at times.
What is so funny, is that I am sitting here this morning, in a COMPLETELY different mindset. I am crabby, and tired. I desperately want some attention from my husband. I feel like manipulating him into a “discussion”. I want to go shopping, and spend some money frivolously.
*sigh* But a small part of me understands that this will not benefit either of us.
So, I am taking my own advice from the post below. If I re-read it enough times, it may snap me back into my “good space”. 🙂
Wish me luck! (or take away my debit card for the day! 🙂 )
Here is my post from Wednesday:
Light bulb moment in DD
Hubby came home last night to a house of quietly giggling, well behaved little girls, and a pleasant wife cleaning up in the kitchen.
I had even gotten the house back in some semblance of order, had done my hair, put on a little makeup (not much, we both prefer the natural look), and was wearing a cute skirt and top instead of my normal sweats and t-shirt (and frown).
He even commented on it.
He told me how nice I looked; how much he appreciated coming home to a happy wife; and how pleased he was with my efforts to get the house back in order. (We had just come off spring break, and the house was a wreck!)
Then I realized what he was saying. My actions last night were not THE NORM. Being happy and calm, taking pride in my appearance, and taking pride in our home, were something he noticed as atypical. That was a shocking realization for me. My husband should not have to come home, and be surprised that I am in a good mood. Granted, being home with little people, and being tired, and slightly hypo glycemic, does tend to make one a tad ornery. But still, it shouldn’t be the norm. At least, it shouldn’t be OUR norm.
I also see this in our DD relationship. When I am agitated, or looking for a fight, I want him to take me in hand. But if I do this too often, he won’t want to because it has become burdensome to him. It seems like a never ending cycle of bad moods and attitude adjustments. It never ends, and probably seems hopeless. So, why bother?
While I get frustrated by his inconsistency, I can also understand, that sometimes he gets tired from all of it. Especially, if I have been crabby every day he has come home from work. He doesn’t want a crabby wife that surprises him by being pleasant. And I don’t want to be that wife. There has got be a happy medium, some common ground to stand on.
So last night- after all the pleasant chatting was over, and he had had a chance to decompress, hubby was able to step in when I became frustrated with our little ‘bed-time negotiators’. My passive aggression kicked in, and I made a few snarky remarks towards him. Since this had not been our norm for the evening, he immediately saw it for what it was. He was able to see this new development, this snarky attitude, as unusual, something that needed to be altered.
He called me over to him, pulled up my night gown, and administered 5 very hard swats to my back side. I apologized, and hugged him, and prayed that no neighbors had been walking past our house, since the front porch light was not on.
I hurried to turn on the lights, just in case.
Then my internal light bulb went on. I realized how much easier it was for him to take care of these smaller situations, when he wasn’t over-inundated with almost constant needs for correction. I realized that my manipulations and pushiness towards discipline and attention, actually pushed him further away from being able to address me.
It is the ‘less is more’ concept. The less I bug and manipulate him, and the less crabby I act…
– the more able he is to clearly see what I need.
And he is more willing to act accordingly, because he doesn’t see it as an endless cycle.
Wow!!!!! I had never thought of it this way.
Cut and dry – if I back off, he will step in.
I need to make sure I change our nightly norm as well as our DD norm. Less is more.
And a husband should not have to come home and be surprised when his wife is in a good mood. LOL, this will be tough for me to do sometimes because of the stressors of little people handling. But it will be worth it in the end.
Wish us luck!