Lightbulb moment in DD

pushy woman pic

Ah nuts, I had this post ready for yesterday. It talks about my DD lightbulb moment from a few nights earlier.

I wanted to share it, but wasn’t quite sure if it was ready to be viewed. I also was not sure what the reactions would be, and I am a little insecure at times.

What is so funny, is that I am sitting here this morning, in a COMPLETELY different mindset.  I am crabby, and tired. I desperately want some attention from my husband. I feel like manipulating him into a “discussion”. I want to go shopping, and spend some money frivolously. 

*sigh*  But a small part of me understands that this will not benefit either of us.

So, I am taking my own advice from the post below. If I re-read it enough times, it may snap me back into my “good space”. 🙂

Wish me luck! (or take away my debit card for the day! 🙂 )

Here is my post from Wednesday:

____________________

Light bulb moment in DD

Hubby came home last night to a house of quietly giggling, well behaved little girls, and a pleasant wife cleaning up in the kitchen.

I had even gotten the house back in some semblance of order, had done my hair, put on a little makeup (not much, we both prefer the natural look), and was wearing a cute skirt and top instead of my normal sweats and t-shirt (and frown).

He even commented on it.

He told me how nice I looked; how much he appreciated coming home to a happy wife; and how pleased he was with my efforts to get the house back in order. (We had just come off spring break, and the house was a wreck!)

Then I realized what he was saying. My actions last night were not THE NORM.  Being happy and calm, taking pride in my appearance, and taking pride in our home, were something he noticed as atypical. That was a shocking realization for me.  My husband should not have to come home, and be surprised that I am in a good mood.  Granted, being home with little people, and being tired, and slightly hypo glycemic, does tend to make one a tad ornery. But still, it shouldn’t be the norm. At least, it shouldn’t be OUR norm.

I also see this in our DD relationship.  When I am agitated, or looking for a fight, I want him to take me in hand.  But if I do this too often, he won’t want to because it has become burdensome to him. It seems like a never ending cycle of bad moods and attitude adjustments.  It never ends, and probably seems hopeless. So, why bother?

While I get frustrated by his inconsistency, I can also understand, that sometimes he gets tired from all of it.  Especially, if I have been crabby every day he has come home from work. He doesn’t want a crabby wife that surprises him by being pleasant. And I don’t want to be that wife.  There has got be a happy medium, some common ground to stand on.

So last night- after all the pleasant chatting was over, and he had had a chance to decompress, hubby was able to step in when I became frustrated with our little ‘bed-time negotiators’. My passive aggression kicked in, and I made a few snarky remarks towards him.  Since this had not been our norm for the evening, he immediately saw it for what it was. He was able to see this new development, this snarky attitude, as unusual, something that needed to be altered.

He called me over to him, pulled up my night gown, and administered 5 very hard swats to my back side.  I apologized, and hugged him, and prayed that no neighbors had been walking past our house, since the front porch light was not on.

I hurried to turn on the lights, just in case.

Then my internal light bulb went on.  I realized how much easier it was for him to take care of these smaller situations, when he wasn’t over-inundated with almost constant needs for correction.    I realized that my manipulations and pushiness towards discipline and attention, actually pushed him further away from being able to address me.

It is the ‘less is more’ concept.  The less I bug and manipulate him, and the less crabby I act…

–  the more able he is to clearly see what I need.

And he is more willing to act accordingly, because he doesn’t see it as an endless cycle.

Wow!!!!! I had never thought of it this way.

Cut and dry – if I back off, he will step in.

I need to make sure I change our nightly norm as well as our DD norm. Less is more.

And a husband should not have to come home and be surprised when his wife is in a good mood.  LOL, this will be tough for me to do sometimes because of the stressors of little people handling. But it will be worth it in the end.

Wish us luck!

12 thoughts on “Lightbulb moment in DD

  1. Corinne Alexander

    Wow! I love these light bulb moments! They really make great shifts in our relationships. They are also nice indicators that all the work we have been doing on ourselves and in our marriages are working!

    As far as your struggle today, we all have these back and forth moments. It’s a cycle of struggle, light bulb moments, peace, struggle. Each time we take something new away after those light bulb moments and it gets easier every time to get back on track and make healthy choices. You’ve had a long hard week. It’s understandable that you are feeling depleted. So, hopefully you can fill your tanks again while not giving into the temptation to back track. Being upfront and honest with yourself and Greg along with taking some moments to yourself today or tonight will go a long way to restore balance. {{Hugs}} I’m so happy for you for your light bulb moment and I know there are many more to come. You are an amazing wife and mother. Never forget that.

    Reply
  2. 49Percent

    I really needed to read this today – it is spot on with what we have been going through lately and I never had that lightbulb moment so thanks for having it and sharing it!

    Reply
  3. Renee Rose

    Sometimes an easy way to shift out of the “neediness” is to switch yourself into service mode. If you think about serving your man (I’m sure you can think of some, um, creative ways) it feels just as hot as being taken in hand, and then you feel like an accomplished good girl instead of the “brat”. Just a thought!

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Ooh, I like that idea, Renee.
      Service mode, might give me a good chance to feel validated in our relationship, when I am not in the proper frame of mind to fully accept his authority. I can submit to him, but still feel empowered. That’s a very good point. Sometimes, I don’t need the power shift, but I still need his attention.
      Of course, other times, I really do need him to take control. But that’s what “discussion time” is for. 🙂
      Thanks!!!!!

      Reply

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