Spanking Round Table – Domestic Discipline

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I have been eagerly awaiting this month’s round table discussion on Domestic Discipline!

In fact, I have been so excited to share my journey and thoughts on DD that I waited until the last minute to write my post! It wasn’t that I was procrastinating. It’s just that there were so many possible things for me to talk about.

*****

I could have talked about my initial fears of being unaccepted, or laughed at when I explained my needs to my husband.

I could have talked about my need for the grey area between DD and sexuality.

I could have very intimately explained, how close we came to divorce, because of our fights and poor communication at the beginning of our DD journey.

I even thought about talking about the difference between fantasy and reality in our DD relationship.

But each of these sub topics will be saved for another day.

Because I had a few defining DD moments with my husband this week.  And in my desire to keep my posts real, I’m going to share these moments with you instead.

*****

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If I were asked to describe Domestic Discipline a few years ago, I would have said,

“The HOH (in my case, it is my husband) takes charge of the family, and his wife.  He makes the decisions; he leads by example; he makes rules; and he punishes (spanks) when the rules are not followed.”

There you go.

Cut and dry.

My DD expectations in a nutshell.

To be led

To have rules

And to be held accountable

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As we both grew into our roles, we both realized that neither of us needed a tough, rulemaking, no “if’s and or but’s” dictator.

I thought I wanted him to make tough decisions for me.

I thought I wanted him to force me to bend to his will.

I thought I wanted rules- lots of rules—with consequences! (Spanking consequences, of course).

*****

As it turns out, I am aroused by many of his spankings.  It sometimes is a sexual thing for me.

So it has made it difficult to blur the lines between sexy and authoritative.

But after a year and a half of tweaking, we have finally found a rhythm that suits both our needs.

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I have learned that he needs my respect and love as much as I need attention.

If I want his attention in the form of a spanking, I need to ask for it.  If I brat and manipulate my way into a spanking, it makes us both feel badly.  The spanking has not served its purpose- to bring us closer together.

Sometimes, I need a quick attitude adjustment, though.  I tend to get hypoglycemic (and veeeeeeery ornery) when I don’t eat on time.

We don’t have many official rules. Mostly, we stick to the D’s (Disrespect and dishonesty being the two biggest.)

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Last night, hubby came home to me frantically trying to keep noodles from bubbling out of the pot, sauce from messing up the whole kitchen, and coaxing the little people to “try it, you’ll like it”.  (My many talents do not include food preparation, unfortunately. 🙂 )

I was crabby, unfed, and frazzled. And he was over ten minutes late!

I refused to look at him or acknowledge him with more than a quick grunt, and an “about time” muttered under my breath.

He hugged and greeted the kids, turned off the stove, and said, “Mommy and I will be right back”, and led me (grumbling the whole way about burnt pasta being on his conscience) into the bedroom.

After deciding that I did not have a good reason for my attitude, he bent me over the bathroom sink, and gave me 5 of the hardest swats he has ever given me.

This gave me something to think about.

  1.  He had totally been holding back during all those other hand spankings. These swats actually HURT! And they were over my jeans. Heaven forbid, he had pulled them down, like he sometimes does.
  2. He has come a long way, since that first, “Am I hurting you?” spanking.

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He explained that he didn’t appreciate coming home to a crabby wife that wouldn’t even hug him or tell him that she missed him.

I almost cried.  He has grown over these past few years, with respect to his communication. What would have been a grunt and a “back away quietly into his man cave”, became a quick articulation of his feelings.

This snapped me out of my funk.  I hugged him and apologized for being so mean and disrespectful to him.

We walked out and finished making dinner. He dished up my bowl, and commanded me to

“EAT.”

He even kept the little bitties engaged, so I could eat in peace. Yes, I shoveled gluten free pasta and ground beef with sauce faster than you can say, ‘Jack Sprat ate no fat’.  And in a few minutes, I felt better.

I was very thankful for his help in this. A few years ago, I would have pushed and pushed, until we were both miserable.

All it took was a quick spanking, a hug, and some loving communication.

*****

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We had another defining DD moment, 30 minutes later.

I had lain down to snuggle with my sweet little angels, before bedtime, and decided it was so nice and comfy, that I would remain after they left.  Even though it was only 7:15 pm, I was willing to stay there, wrapped up in warm blankets, pretending to snooze for the rest of the night.

But hubby didn’t let me.

He made me get up!

LOL, I have always wanted to pout and complain about my hubby “making” me do something, but the truth is, he has never actually “made” me, or forced me to do anything in my life.

Even the few times, I have acted like I have not wanted a spanking, I willingly went over his lap.  It was a façade of non-consensuality.

Everything we do in our relationship is consensual.

So when he came into the bedroom, and saw me still snuggled in bed, even though my snuggling counter parts had already left for their own beds, he hugged me and announced,

“Ok, it’s not time for bed yet.  The kitchen still needs to be cleaned up. Then you can relax for the night.”

Several years ago, I would have told him where to shove the dirty dishes, informed him he was a grown man, and told him that he should take care of the &!% kitchen himself!

But to be perfectly honest, I agreed to take on the role of home duties, and even asked him to hold me accountable for its upkeep. Several weeks earlier, I had even begged him to not let me leave the kitchen dirty at night time. It stressed me out to wake up to a pile of dirty dishes and old food.

And to his credit, he held firm. I have had three nights where I have just not felt like doing my task, and he has nicely called me on it.

One night, when I was sick, he mentioned that he would let the kitchen duties go for the night because I was not feeling very well.

My feminist friends would have had a field day with this! They would have hollered about equal rights and said that he should have gotten off his lazy *ss and done the kitchen himself. And a few years ago, I would have agreed with them.

But now, I am at a point, where I like the stability of having our set roles. I like my roles. I like knowing that he cooks on the weekends (Hallelujah, decent food finally!). I like knowing that I have duties that need to be performed. I like having consequences.

Guess what the biggest consequence is to my cleaning up the night before?

  • I feel better about myself.
  • I am happier and less stressed in the morning.

I like rules and consequences- they make me feel safe.

*****

If I were to leave the kitchen messy for longer than a day (due to sickness or any other good excuse), he would step in, and take over the task.  But I have asked him not to, unless absolutely necessary.

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This is for one big reason. It empowers me. These accomplishments energize my soul.

He has never made me do anything I did not want to do.

But he does empower me to:

  • Stop and think
  • “Pull up my bootstraps”
  • Work to the best of my abilities
  • Fulfill my duties

His strength is my strength.

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Though I may complain about him every once in a while, because he is still rather vanilla, and has to be reeeeeeeally coaxed into trying new things, (bedroom things, spanky things, new implements…).

I appreciate him, and his willingness to journey with me.

Domestic Discipline is not for everybody.

There are many different ways to embrace the lifestyle.

Our journey is our own, and will keep changing as our lives change.

Sometimes, I still fantasize about rules and dominance and my HOH talking to me like a Dom. But I am happy with the path we have followed and the progress we have made.

This is our DD life.

I’m happy we could share it with you!

*****

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Ok, now that I’m done with my post, I need to get to the ironing!

Mean old hubby is MAKING me iron his work shirts. 😉

He even spanked me last week, when he had no unwrinkled shirts in his closet! (The horror!)

I’m going to ask him for another spanking tonight!

But first, I’ll go iron a few shirts 🙂

Happy spankings!

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If you haven’t already checked out the fantastic introduction post by this month’s host, Corinne Alexander, head over, and check it out!

And here is the link for the other awesome posts! Enjoy!

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30 thoughts on “Spanking Round Table – Domestic Discipline

  1. kenzie

    It sounds like he is doing a great job! As are you!

    It’s funny how before DD we could describe it with a nutshell type of description, but once you begin a DD relationship, you realize there’s a lot more to it than you once thought.

    Love this post, I could relate to a lot of it. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Johnna Maquire

    I love this post. Like you, I had so much trouble writing my post because I had so many different directions I wanted to take it and ended up writing it about 4 different ways. Your examples are perfect. Thanks so much for sharing these real slices of daily life.

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks Johnna!
      I noticed we had similar backgrounds! 🙂
      Yes, I guess we should break up this topic, and do a few more segments. There is still a lot of cool stuff to talk about!
      🙂

      Reply
  3. Patricia Green

    As usual, your post is personal and thoughtful. You are honest about your situation, your needs and foibles in your writing and, apparently, in your life as well. That’s incredibly commendable, Katherine. Good for you!

    Reply
  4. Joelle Casteel

    great story, Katherine. I love how you made it so much about the now. my Master and I have a similar dynamic around food. My doctor actually said I have “episodic hypoglycemia”- because in part, my blood sugar drops really fast and it’s half tied to my moods and stress level- fun for the bipolar woman. but LOL, if I’m talking to BDSM friends, they’re often confused by the fact that I eat first. how sweet that your husband saw what you needed in the moment

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Joelle!

      ooh, what is episodic hypoglycemia? As crabby as I get (and as quickly 180 after eating), I wonder if I have something like that.

      Did you post? I was hoping you would, but didn’t see you on the linky list.

      You should totally do next month’s topic (fantasy vs reality)! I think that will be a fun one!

      🙂

      Reply
      1. Joelle Casteel

        yeah, I plan to, the next roundtable. I actually mentioned it in my Thursday post. But no, I only read this one. It’s tricky for me. With so many (at least it seems) DD people being adamantly “DD is not BDSM,” I sometimes wonder how welcome I am (in the community as a whole, not among our spanking community).

        That was the term he came up with- not sure it’s specifically in any medical book lmao- but I just have blood sugar crashes with a worrisome regularity if I don’t eat every 2 or 3 hours and that can become even more serious when I’m stressed- I came in at 60 (which isn’t too good) a few Christmases ago at my parents (my mother has type 2 diabetes and offered to test). idk, as far as crabby, my Master says my need to eat regularly and crabbiness if I don’t has gotten worse over the years He’s known me

      2. katherinedeane Post author

        It’s unfortunate,, well, actually it just sucks– judging happens in pretty much everything that involves other humans.

        I understand what you are saying.

        But what I am coming to realize after listening to the other authors and bloggers this past year, is this. Judgment and condemnation come from everywhere. But the “louder” voices do not speak for the society as a whole. They just have the loudest voices.

        And also, even if my (I am using us as an example )DD relationship is different than your BDSM one (or whatever we each choose to call them on that day), who cares? And who cares what labels we use? It’s our relationship. 🙂

        We both have a voice, and opinions, and something to offer. We might agree to disagree on different aspects, or explain what works for us.

        Or we might find that we have big things in common. 🙂

        What matters is that we are true to ourselves. And that we honor each other with respect and an open mind.

        What you do, might not end up being my cup of tea, but I am not going to tell you that you are wrong for doing whatever works for you. (except for animal and child abuse.)

        And I know a lot of awesome open minded people in this community who feel the same way.

        Please feel free to join in any of the Round Table posts that you feel drawn to. Every different voice gives us a chance to create harmony. One voice is just melody- and honestly, a little boring. 🙂

        BTW, I am fasting today (gall bladder issues).
        I may be a raving lunatic in a few hours. 🙂

        Thanks for the info about the blood sugar stuff. I am very much the same way.

        hugs, yummy small snacks, and lots and lots of spankings!!!
        🙂

  5. Thianna D

    One of the things that stood out to me was how he is holding you accountable to what you agreed to and it is making you feel better.

    And in the end, isn’t that what’s important? If your lifestyle makes you a better person and you as a couple better, that is all that matters.

    Damn the people who are horrified or say its wrong. It isn’t their relationship.

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      What’s funny, is that if HE had told me I had to start taking care of the kitchen, I probably would have fought it tooth and nail.
      But since I came up with the idea, I am much more easily submitting to it.
      LOL, I guess I’m still kind of trying to maintain control.

      Thanks!! 🙂

      Reply
  6. ashrewtamed.blogspot.com

    I love this, Katherine. It’s funny how those small instances of being taken in hand in real life circumstances are so different from what we may envision, yet somehow become immensely more satisfying overall.

    I can relate to so much of what you wrote.

    Great post!

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks so much!

      I totally agree about the real life stuff.
      Although, a year and a half ago, I was so new, and into the fantasy of it all, I kind of set us up for failure.

      I related to your post as well.

      Thanks!!!
      🙂

      Reply
  7. Casey McKay

    I love when you talk about real life stuff, I am over here giggling about you grumbling about burnt pasta.

    You are your hubby have really come a long way and I think it is sweet all the non-vanilla things he will try with you 🙂

    I’m glad your set up is working (and your kitchen is cleaner), it makes me happy that you are empowered!

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      LOL, Casey!
      I had already taken most of the water out of the pot, because it kept boiling over! It really would have burnt! 😉

      Thanks! I think we have come a long way too!

      🙂

      Reply
  8. Normandie Alleman (@NormandieA)

    First of all I loved that you have more to share with us. I wanted to read all those “I could have written about…” posts.

    Loved that your spanking snapped you out of your bad mood and you were loving to him again. I can relate to that. But you are much better at domestic chores than I am and if my husband was waiting on me to iron his shirts he’d be waiting a LONG time. Lol. I’m a terrible housekeeper too. Though I am a great cook…

    Can’t wait to read more posts about your journey! 🙂

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks so much, Normandie!
      I am happy to keep sharing.

      It’s amazing how something so simple can get me realigned, so quickly. I guess it helps that I also am a bit of a Spanko. 🙂

      LOL, I’ll take any cooking suggestions I can get!

      I’ll keep the posts coming!
      Thanks again!
      🙂

      Reply
  9. willie

    I can see both Barney and I in this post. Almost the entire thing! Except he’s gone back to leery about spanking with them in the house.

    It is nice to see progress in the way we have experienced it too. And well to know we aren’t alone in our unique pace, and vanillaesque husbands!

    willie

    Reply
    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Willie!
      It’s nice to have friends that can truly relate!

      Luckily, our kids sleep very deep. Unfortunately, it only leaves a little time between “deep sleep” and our bed time. 😉

      Let’s compare notes offline some time!

      Reply
  10. Korey Mae Johnson

    I loved especially your anecdote at the end with the noodles. You guys are so cute! 😉

    Though your conundrum of finding yourself occasionally bratting for a spanking and not feeling fulfilled and in fact feeling badly afterwards is something that a lot of girls I know deal with. You know, a lot of us love spanking and want the sensation of earning it, but then we want discipline to be something different. It’s tough. It doesn’t work out at all for some (because God love them, they have asses of steel), but it looks like you’re finding your path into it! Thanks so much for sharing that with us! 🙂

    Reply
  11. Natasha Knight

    I feel like I’ve been on this journey with you because you’re so open and share so much of yourself. I feel like I’ve kind of watched you guys through this experience and it’s so interesting – most interesting maybe to see your responses and his learnings, how you have grown together and how it has evolved and will likely keep evolving every year. I always have to chuckle at your corner time story. That may be my favorite one yet.

    I wish you continued corner time 🙂 and many many more spankings and truly, just much more happiness as you go forward.

    Love you.

    Reply
  12. Trust

    Thank you for this post. I am collecting posts to show Rock. We are new at this and he still is uncomfortable giving me rules and consequences and we don’t even spank. This post will be a good one for me to share.

    Reply
  13. Corinne Alexander

    Hi, Katherine. I am so sorry that it has taken so long to comment on your post. Your post touched my heart in such a deep way. It is probably because I have been along for your entire journey. I feel so blessed to have known you for so long. The first thing that struck me is wow you both have grown together so beautifully over this last year & a half! I get goosebumps thinking about it. Your marriage is so strong & you are too! It’s so meaningful to me that you have found YOU through this process, your voice, your personal strength & empowerment. This shines through in this post. I also can relate to your experiences…your journey reflects much of my early journey as well. I can’t wait for you to delve into all of the topics you thought about as well!

    Reply

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