This is a great topic, and I’m so glad Renee Rose brought this up. Thanks to Renee and Spanking Romance for hosting. 🙂
Aftercare is very important to me, as a reader an author, and as a DD’er.
It’s very important, sometimes even more crucial than the punishment itself – at least for me, anyway.
I am a sensitive (ok, hyper sensitive and over emotional) woman. I internalize every look, every comment, every action. I am a people pleaser, and the thought of displeasing someone, especially my HOH, hurts me greatly. (I should have also mentioned over-reactor in my list of attributes ).
Aftercare, is a necessary transition from the punishment to the closure that I need with my husband.
When he punishes me (usually in the form of a strict spanking), I know it is different than a sexy or fun spanking because of my guilt or my hurt over his displeasure. There is nothing sexy or fun about the punishment.
It hurts.
My bottom aches.
My heart aches.
But when it’s all over, he covers me with his body, like a warm blanket.
He holds me until I stop shivering and shaking.
His warmth envelopes me, and makes me feel loved.
I feel his forgiveness as it seeps into me, and I am finally able to release the guilt and forgive myself.
Now here is where it gets tricky. Do you know when I start crying?
During the aftercare.
I don’t usually cry during a punishment, no matter how upset I am; no matter how agonizing the belt feels lashing onto my poor backside; no matter how awful the strike of the Lexan.
I have had shaking, hiccupping sessions, where I have cried without tears. But have not very often cried real tears.
The care he gives me, when he spoons against me, or holds me against his chest after an over the bed spanking; when he is soothing me with his presence, with his warmth, and his love- that is when I finally break down the last piece of resistance.
Then I cry. I release all the tension, the guilt, everything. And I know I am loved.
This is what aftercare does for me in my real life.
It is crucial to my emotional well being.
And I am blessed that he gives me this care after each and every session.
LOL, I’m not even sure if I answered any of the questions, but this is where my heart led me on this topic, so I went with it. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
Have fun visiting the other bloggers and authors who have joined in the hop, and please join in the discussion by replying below. I love chatting! 🙂
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And open and honest share. A touching post.
Thanks, Cara 🙂
This is my favorite post. I love how real and open it is. SO glad you participated. ❤
Really?!? Thanks so much, Addy! 🙂 I wish I could try out a BDSM club like you did. sounds like so much fun!
🙂
I can totally relate to this, I too don’t cry from punishment, I also shake a lot after and become very emotional. I have never yet had a really good cry though and we have been doing d/d 3 months now.
Thanks, Pat! Welcome to DD. 🙂 I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I would love to cry, honestly. I really would. You know? Just to bawl my eyes out during the punishment? Hehe, it hasn’t happened yet. (or if it has, I don’t really remember. so it must not have been that impacting.)
But hopefully, some day.
Good luck in your journey too!
Thanks for commenting 🙂
I’m trying to make it my mission to cry during punishment, iv heard its a good release.
good luck!!!
Wow, so honest and real, I could feel your emotion in the post. Thanks for sharing Katherine!
Thanks, Megan. I should probably warn everyone, I am a heart on my shoulders, gal. Which is why I had to stop answering the phone when I was in a bad mood.
Thanks so much 🙂
Thanks for sharing, Kathleen. The image of the spooning part of your husband’s aftercare is beautiful. I think your experience around crying sounds perfectly normal, but then my Master is almost scared of me crying- it makes Him quite uncomfortable. But then with my constantly shifting moods, I can imagine me crying would be a scary thing for Him. I don’t cry during either- whether it’s more a punishment or a play thing- for me, crying is something you do alone without anyone else to see you doing it.
snorts, and you can tell how with it I am today 😀 maybe I needed more than one yoga session given that I’ve renamed you “Kathleen” lol
hehe, I was going to reply and call you “Josephine” for kicks 😉
Kathleen’s a cute name.
🙂
Thanks so much, Joelle 🙂 I think that’s my favorite part is the “blanketing” afterwards. 🙂
LOL, my husband is the same way. He gets all wide eyed and backs away, ready to bolt, as if I had a feminine product in my hand (which he is also very afraid of, hehe 🙂 )
You got me thinking, and I wonder if I am still not giving up all control. I am very type A and need control of the things that affect me. I wonder…
Thanks for stopping by ad commenting 🙂
well I think crying can come from a number places. I think part of my Master’s issue with me crying is that He knows tons about my abuse and rape histories- He knows about those things that really did give me reasons to cry. So somehow crying from BDSM activity just is a level of wrong for Him.
hehe I like Josephine 😀 at least it doesn’t rhyme with any Christmas songs- yes I heard “the First Joelle” on the bus growing up, every Christmas season ugh
Beautiful post. It makes perfect sense to me that you’d cry during the aftercare ,not the punishment. Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks, Renee. I still wish I could cry during, though. I want one of those huge, snot dripping, bawling my eyes out, shaking, releasing sort of cries – DURING the punishment. hmmm, maybe I’m not meant to put those two facets together?
Thanks 🙂
Great post, Katherine, and I can totally understand why you’d cry during the aftercare rather than the punishment. During aftercare you can finally let go of all the emotions you’ve bottled up during the scolding and punishment. You’re forgiven, and the relief you feel when it’s over prompts your release. Thanks so much for sharing.
That makes sense.
Thanks, Kathryn!
🙂
Great post Kate! I totally understand the crying afterwards. It makes perfect sense to me. I always love how honest you are, great post!
Thanks so much, Casey
❤
Sorry I am late to this Katherine. Beautiful post. I need the after care too, the degree depends on the type of spanking. With a discipline spanking it helps me resolve the feelings of remorse and reinforces his love and care as well as connecting us. This is where most tears happen for me too.
Hugs
Roz
never too late, Roz! Thanks for coming by. 😉
you explained that perfectly! That’s how I feel too! Thanks!
I’m so glad there are friends out there that can relate 🙂
Have a great day!