Most of you already know I am in an LDD relationship with my sweet hubby. And many of you have probably figured out from my posts and gripes that I am the Spanko, and he is pretty much the, um, Vanilla, who is willing to try, even though it is not his thing.
He’s a pretty great guy.
Well, a few years ago, we were not happy in our marriage. I was an angry, manipulating, bratty, pushy wife, who made both of us miserable. I bet you’re thinking it was before DD.
It was actually the first 6 months into our DD adventure, and a few months beforehand.
I’ve told the story before, about how I stumbled upon DD, and knew in my heart that it was for me; how I asked my husband to spank me (not for fun or sex) ; that he laughed because it shocked him; and that I wasn’t upset because I had read some really good books preparing myself for his reaction.
What I have not shared, is how obsessed I became with DD, and all things spanking related. I was a wrecking ball of spanking information ready to toss it at my husband at a moment’s notice.
My favorite couple and blog were a couple named Clint and Chelsea, and I spent hours reading Clint’s blog. I spent even more time, regaling hubby with my newest “Clintism”.
“Well, Clint says you are supposed to be more consistent with me.”
“Clint had a great article on non-physical punishments, honey.”
“Chelsea got spanked because…” (I don’t actually remember now 🙂 )
I practically demanded that he get his booty online and start learning about HOH’s, and spanking, and his duties as my leader.
LOL, yes, you heard right, I demanded that he let ME submit to him.
Pretty screwed up, eh?
It was a dreadful few months for us.
It was already hard enough for the poor guy to get into any spanking activities, because it wasn’t his thing. Not like it is for me, anyway. But he still tried. He did his best, and he asserted his authority, and even started spanking me.
A little at a time.
Until I started squirming. LOL, if I even breathed the wrong way, he stopped.
Gah! It was so frustrating! I was so angry at him for not being a Spanko.
He did not get it.
He didn’t understand that suddenly, this whole new world was opened up to me, and this world finally fit me – perfectly!
He would not go online and meet other HOH’s (he felt that most men who were in that relationship, were most likely power hungry jerks getting off on the authority)
He would not read any of the information about proper spanking technique, warm up, implements, consistency…
LOL, he is the typical male when it comes to direction. He will figure it out himself or die trying.
And it didn’t help that I pushed so hard. Besides emasculating him, it also made him not want to try to do any of it.
Which made me lash out even more.
Vicious cycle, right?
We finally came to a point where I could not take it anymore.
We were seriously miserable, and were at a very low point in our marriage.
I respectfully asked him if I could go to a disciplinarian. I had found her online when searching for spankers a few months earlier.
Ok, I’ll be honest. I know it probably doesn’t shed me in a very good light, but I was desperate at the time. I needed to be spanked so badly. And my husband was not willing at first.
This woman was so nice and caring. She understood what I was asking over emails, and phone, and finally a lunch date. She got it. She knew what I needed.
And she was willing to give me the spanking I desired, (for a fee of course. She is a professional), with one albeit.
I needed to be perfectly honest with her whether I was going to go with my husband’s knowledge or without.
She was cool enough to not judge or lead me either way. This was my decision to make.
But we both agreed that, in the long run, it would not help my marriage if I did it without his approval.
I wanted so badly to just go behind his back, and do it. Get that harsh spanking I had always wanted, the one that would bring me to tears, and would release all my negativity.
I was torn.
If I asked him, and he said “no”, I would resent him; if I went behind his back, I would feel guilty.
I finally decided to go the upfront route.
I told him that it was not a reflection on his skills, or his manhood, but that I wanted to go see (and pay) this woman, to have her spank my bare bottom.
It took several weeks for him to mull it over.
During this time, I slowly realized how much I was torturing him because of my disrespect and anger.
I backed off, and let him have his space.
And then something clicked for both of us.
He wanted to lead, but did not want to be forced into it.
I wanted to follow, and wanted him to want to lead – but only if he wanted to.
I was pleasantly surprised when he gave me my first real punishment.
Compared to now, the spanking was nothing but a long warm up, LOL.
But at that point, wow, it was intense!
The next day, he agreed to let me go see the disciplinarian. Miss Aria.
We agreed that her husband would not be in the house, and that only she would have access to my bottom.
I would love to share my session with her, but I’m running out of space for today. So that will be saved for another post. 🙂
So all in all, this has a happy ending. It took both of us a while to get into our roles, and figure out what we wanted.
Our communication definitely got better!
He is and always has been a good leader. I just wouldn’t let him. I was too wrapped up in my own wants and needs.
And I have apologized to him for that.
He has also (not exactly apologized, but as close as he can come 🙂 ) mentioned an acknowledgment that he is not as much into the lifestyle as I am.
And that’s ok.
I’ll probably gripe every once in a while, about consistency, proper technique, implement usage, a longing for real corner time, and just one mouth soaping (just to try it).
But then again, in our relationship, I am the subject matter expert, on spanking.
I guess it’s in my blood. 🙂
I am happily married to a vanilla man, who is willing to add some flavor to our relationship. This month’s flavor- Twizzler red booty. Stripes and all!
I’ll try not to complain too often.
Thanks for stopping by today! Please head on over and visit the other cool blogs. There are lots of different viewpoints and experiences to share. 🙂
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