Would you believe I had a perfectly wonderful post ready to go (almost), about crafting, with plenty of pretty pictures of all the fun things I like to make?
Only to be slammed with an idea for a different post at the last minute.
It is 8 pm the night before my post is due, and I have decided to write about something a little more intimate. (When these thoughts hit me, they hit hard, and I feel compelled to follow through with them)
For those of you who have not read my blog very often, you should know that sometimes I like to share my full emotions. This is one of those posts. Part of it is graphic in nature, but I felt it a necessary part of my story. I promise, I am not always, THIS intimate. And my next posts will be quite happy and light again.
But today here is my new, last minute post called :
The Car Accident
Almost ten years ago, (on the day of my birthday), I was riding my bike on the parkway in my neighborhood when I was hit from behind by a car. Though it was a 35 mph zone, most people go up to 45 – sometimes, more. We are pretty sure she was going at least that fast.
I remember sensing her behind me, hearing the squeal of the tires, and thinking upon impact,
Oh sh*t, this is going to hurt!
My bike was struck from behind, and I flew up onto her windshield, and flew what seemed like 100 feet, before rolling to the ground.
I don’t remember how much it hurt when I hit the pavement.
I do remember being surrounded by people; a military couple in BDU’s; a woman who prayed over me; and the 16 year old girl who had hit me, sobbing.
Someone told me I had lost my helmet during the crash, and not to move because I was bleeding.
And then I threw up. I was overcome with this awful dizziness, and even more vomiting. It was the worst feeling ever.
When the paramedics arrived, the strapped me down to a board and put a neck brace on me.
When the vertigo came again, they tilted my whole board to the side, so I wouldn’t choke on my own vomit.
I was a mess. A huge f**king mess.
But I was blessed in several huge ways.
Besides the cuts and bruises, there were no major injuries. I had some internal issues with my pancreas, and a head injury.
But things could have been so much worse. If anything had gone differently, I could have easily been run over. I could have died on my birthday.
I have counted my many blessings since that day.
As funny as it is to say, I credit that accident with having my first baby.
(I had miscarried, a year earlier, and was having difficulties getting pregnant)
A lot of my friends and family, like to joke that I finally got pregnant because I was forced to lay in bed for two whole weeks after the accident.
I wasn’t able to lay at more than an 80 degree angle without getting dizzy and sick. (LOL, it made for a few interesting procreation attempts. My husband has made me promise not to give any more details than that. 😉 )
Now, anyone who has ever had a head injury, or known someone with one, will tell you;
That sucker doesn’t go away.
Personalities sometimes change.
Processing and thinking can even change.
I have finally come to the conclusion, that my severe mood swings, and constant anger (which I had originally attributed to PPD, because it happened around the same time), might not have been Pregnancy and Post Partum hormones.
It might have been due to a shift because of my head injury.
I still to this day, get dizzy with atmosphere changes and huge weather shifts. I can’t do cartwheels anymore, or go upside down ( no more roller coasters. Boo 😦 )
And I am susceptible to big mood swings.
I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining. I love most of my life. I am blessed in so many ways, and am happy to be alive.
But I still wonder sometimes about the head injury.
If a head injury can shift your personality, and add anger, and other sides that weren’t that major beforehand, then what about my fetish?
I wonder if I am really a spanko.
Or did this head injury turn me into something different?
If I had not already been married, it wouldn’t be a big deal.
I’m a Spanko now. Embrace it. Love it. Just go with it.
But what about my spouse who married me, BEFORE I was a Spanko?
What happens when a spouse changes, overnight?
Is it the head injury?
Am I really a psychotic, bipolar, be-yotch of a woman, that now thrives on getting her *ss beaten because her personality changed due to a jolt to her brain?
I am willing to wager against this possibility.
I do remember being very interested whenever I saw spankings in books or on tv. My most memorable was Little House on the Prairie.
So maybe my spanking side was always there, along with my submissive side? Just buried dormant within me?
I hope so.
Not because I worry about being who I am, but mostly for my husband’s sake.
That would really stink to have your partner change, in the middle of your marriage.
With all that being said, I still think spanking, and DD (for now), is a blessing to our relationship.
We are closer than we have ever been. Even when comparing our early years together.
We talk more, we listen more. We snuggle and flirt more.
Our bedroom time is as good as, if not better than our first years together.
So, I guess there really isn’t a problem.
As long as he isn’t upset by who I have become (head injury or otherwise), then I will stick with it. I’ll keep asking for spankings.
Occasionally, I may even brat a tiny bit. 🙂
There it is. My intimate post written at the last minute, because I felt the nudge to share.
C is for car accident.
The day my life changed forever.
For the positive.
(except for missing out on roller coasters, of course)
Thanks for joining me today.
Please hop on over and see what the other awesome bloggers have to say.
Here’s the link to follow:
Powered by Linky Tools
Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list…