Coming out! to my sisters!

I’m coming out!

To my sisters!

There’s a very good chance this post is going to go all over the place. I have so much to share! It’s huge! It’s meaningful, and it’s a big deal to me.

So bear with me today. I promise I will try to smooth everything out, and make it easier to read. And next time, I will definitely keep it more succinct.

But today, here’s the no-holds barred update.


It’s 9:06 am, gluten free chocolate chip muffins are baking in the oven, and my kids are outside playing – happily- for the first time all week. They are sisters, and they love each other. They are close in physical and emotional age, and are absolutely each other’s BFF’s. Except for when they are together 24×7 for a whole summer.

I used to have something like that. Sisters, younger sisters, who adored me (and as I have recently found out…) looked up to me. Me! Never having much in the way of self confidence, that statement surprised and pleased me to no end. I have always loved and adored my little sisters.


charlies angels

(LOL, no, this isn’t what we look like. But we did have a ton of fun playing Charlie’s Angels, and even did a photo session together, using Angel poses.) 🙂


Even though we grew apart over the years (mostly because of geography), there was one thing that kept us together.





But life being as it is, brought small disagreements into the mix. They became larger due to timing issues and inability to hook up- even on the phone. Families were formed, creating an even bigger relationship gap.

And when I finally had something huge to share, with my own lifelong best friends, I had to lie about it.

How could I trust that they would understand and support my fetish, when we couldn’t honestly communicate about the smaller issues.

And when I had the biggest moment of my adult life (after marriage and kids, of course), could I tell them?

Could I tell them I was Katherine Deane, spanking romance author, DD’er, and follower of all my erotic minded friends?


retro kinky pic



Believe me, I tried.

I started with the elder of my two younger sisters, the woman known for her open mindedness.

And to her credit, she told me it wasn’t her cup of tea, but that she would supportive.


That hurt!

A lot.

But thankfully, I had online friends who understood and supported me.


birthday cake K

Three days ago, I celebrated my birthday.

And cried for most of it (and the preceding 24 hours).


I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me.

My best (online) friend, Corinne, called me to wish me a happy birthday, and I bawled my eyes out.

I cried about my loneliness.

My utter craving for attention, and for REAL people to not only get me, but to accept me and like me.

I felt sad and alone because the people in my real life, the ones who live less than a mile away gave less love and birthday support than the online community of people (whom I don’t even know their real names or ages, or what they truly look like).

I was so utterly alone and so desperately wanted attention, I felt in that moment, that I would do anything to get it.

Luckily, a great phone call from my bff (whom I still have never met), and a long hard spanking from my husband; took the edge off.

I was able to function again.


And that’s when the most remarkable and awesome thing happened!

My sister, Evie, called to tell me that she finally understood.

Her husband had mentioned (ok, this guy must be highly intuitive!) that I must feel pretty lonely. (um, he said to my sister, almost verbatim what I expressed above.) Freaky, eh?

She understood my hesitancy to share with “real” people.

Here’s what happened when she tried to tell a friend about my writing.

( I warned you about the ramblings. sorry 🙂 )



She had befriended this nice woman who seemed an awful lot like me.

It turns out, Evie actually was excited about my new book coming out. She just didn’t know what to do with the information.

She started telling her new friend that her sister was an author, and that she was really excited about her new book.

When the friend asked what type of book it was, Evie was hit with a feeling of uncertainty.

So she explained that it was racier than a normal romance.


What followed was a huge condemning tirade about the evils of lust, and my sin over trying to lure people into coveting actions.

Evie was furious, and ended the conversation, while nicely telling the new friend off.


telephone bridging gap


That’s when she called me yesterday.

She felt horrible. She had never known that I was living in fear of that kind of judgment.

She finally also understood, that her lack of true “on hand” support, made me feel just as judged.

She finally got it!

Even though I was slightly perturbed by the other woman’s reaction, I was so overjoyed by my sisters’ realization, that I let it go.

celebrate sisters

We celebrated together:

<The growth I have made, emotionally, over these past few years.

<The fact that I had finally found something that I not only enjoyed, but that I also had the potential to become good at. (LOL, grammar might not always be my forte though. I speak / write fast! )

to be a part of my life; how much I needed their support.


It was the most amazing conversation.

And the heavy, aching weight lifted from my chest.




I have also been thinking about bringing L (our littlest sister), into the mix. I have hated “lying” to her, and have missed her also.


Evie reminded me that L is a lot more open minded than I have given her credit for, and more importantly, that she misses our ‘three sister’ relationship.


So we invited her to read that “hot new book” by the brand new author that we both adore, and want to support.

(ok, there is a bit more to it than that, but I shortened above for the sake of reading. 🙂 )


I don’t know how she will react.

It will hurt if she reacts negatively.

But I want to give her a chance to get to know the real me.


They are my sisters.

My true REAL LIFE best friends.

And at the very least, I choose not to lie to them anymore about who I am.


So please wish me luck, send energy or hugs or prayers.

I am Katherine Deane, sexy spanking romance author, DD’er, and first and foremost,

one of three




I hope they will accept me.

Wish me luck!


29 thoughts on “Coming out! to my sisters!

  1. Corinne Alexander

    I am totally crying here! You are awesome & amazing! I think we are being called to be our authentic selves in the world. To show our true faces & allow people to rise up to be who they really are to the world! No matter where this goes I am so happy for you. ❤

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      thanks, Corinne! Me too ( on all accounts)!
      I hope I didn’t sound like I was lessening the value of my online friendships.
      They are important to me too.
      But my sisters really mean a lot to me.
      I don’t think E is going to get it.
      She doesn’t sound receptive so far.
      But I’ll live with it.
      Thanks for your support and friendship.
      I love you ❤

  2. Leigh Smith

    I’m crying and laughing and clapping and jumping up and down for you. How wonderful. It doesn’t matter if they embrace it or even get it, just support you and your happiness and success. That’s all they have to do.

  3. Grant Antrews

    Thank you Katherine. Your story gives me hope. You may be aware that my daughters, both college-educated professionals in their 30s, discovered that I write BDSM erotica back in February, and they have refused to have anything to do with me since… which includes not allowing me any contact with my grandchildren. They don’t want me to exist! Well, it’s the 21st century and I’m very comfortable with who I am and what I do, but still, it hurts. They were not raised to be intolerant or cruel. I find my support among my fellow authors on Facebook, but never in such a clear and enthusiastic manner as your post! You made my day! Thank you so much, and I wish you continued love, acceptance, and support from your family.

    1. Etta Stark

      Oof. That’s harsh, Grant, That sounds such an extreme reaction,. I hope you manage to sort things out with your family.

      I’m still not ‘out’ with my family about my books but that’s embarrassment rather than a fear of rejection. They’d want to read the damn things!

    2. katherinedeane Post author

      Grant, I remember when you posted about that, and it saddened me so much.
      I pray your daughters come around and realize how much their actions hurt everyone.
      And thanks for the support!!

  4. Etta Stark

    That’s such a lovely post. I hope your sister enjoys the book! I am sure that she will be supportive in any case like you would be if someone you loved wrote a book about fly-fishing or stamp-collecting or anything else that is’t ‘your thing’. And belated happy birthday from a virtual internet friend!

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks, Etta!
      LOL, it’s amazing how real a virtual friend can be.
      I’m trying to figure out a way to empathize with the other side.
      LOL, liver and mushrooms. A book about that, with scratch and sniff, would totally not be my thing.
      but seriously, thanks for the virtual friendship 🙂

  5. Casey McKay

    Aww, I am so sad that you were sad on your birthday and I was just sending you texts! I also had more online friends wish me a good day than people I know personally in real life, weird, right?
    Anyway, to one of the women I consider my BFF, I am glad your spirits have lifted and I am glad your sister is more receptive now. Also, did you tell the other sister the book was by you? Or were you just like, hey, read this book! If she knows it you she might be a little less judge-y of the content and just be proud you wrote a book– spanking is not everyone’s thing, some people just don’t get it! But being creative and having an outlet and finding a community are human things that we can all relate to. She may be more receptive to that.

    1. katherinedeane Post author

      LOL, no worries, Casey. Your energy always brightens my day, thanks!!
      As for the content, and less judgy thing, I have totally been contemplating how soon to just bite the bullet and tell her.
      But by intuition, I decided to make it a sister bonding event, told her how important it was to me, to at least try it out; (and if it didn’t work, we would try Percy Jackson 🙂 ).
      I’d say, she will know officially by the end of the weekend. 🙂
      We’ll see how she reacts.

  6. Patricia Green

    What an exciting and scary time for you! Sisters are special people and deserve a chance to be supportive to each other. You’re doing the right thing by giving them that chance. I’m sure, if the situation was reversed, you’d want to be there for them, too. I wish you the best “outing” ever. 🙂

  7. PK

    I am so happy for you! There is nothing better than sisters. My sister was the second real life person I told. She was fascinated, and a little amused – the perfect combination for me. I am sure they will have your back, even if it take a minute for the youngest to digest it all.

  8. Cara Bristol

    I’m so sorry you were sad on your birthday, but I am happy that you are “coming out” to your sisters. Carrying a secret that is such a part of one’s identity is a heavy weight to bear alone.

  9. catrouble

    Oh Katherine…I have my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you that your sister loves your book. I do have to say…Evie was lucky she found out how viciously judgmental her ‘friend’ was before she got too close to her…with friends like that, who needs enemies! Sending lots of prayers and positive energy that you, Evie and L will soon be celebrating your latest book.

    Hugs and Blessings…

  10. constance masters

    Oh MY GOD Katherine! You broke my heart here. The saying that your sisters are your first best friends is true. I’m so glad for you that you connected again with your oldest younger sister and I will keep everything crossed for you as well that your youngest sister loves the book.

    Sending you hugs. You know what? Sometimes I think online friendships are special BECAUSE you don’t know what people look like. You get to now the person’s soul without being able to make any judgements. A real hug from some of the people you learn to love though would be nice, wouldn’t it? xoxoxoxo

  11. Roz Harrison

    Aww Katherine, this is such a lovely post. I’m so glad you connected with Evie and that she is so supportive and crossing fingers your other sister will also be supportive.


  12. humbledpink

    Hi, Katherine:

    I am new to reading your blog, I really enjoy it. I just posted about my birthday as well. It seems that we shared many of the same feelings and disappointments. Hope your littlest sister is as impressed as she can be! Here is to another year, my fellow Leo.


  13. willie

    I too am sorry you had such a sad birthday. That is the one day for you ( okay and the several other million people born on that day- but they don’t count !) and you should feel special not sad.

    I have 2 older sisters, who I actually have no desire to share this life with ( I don’t even think about it around them to be truthful) but I have several Dd sisters, who mean every bit as much to me as my sisters. I know more about them ( and their names 🙂 ) than their own family. I can certainly understand your need though. I think it was wonderfully brave of you to open up to your sister. Her husband sounds like a real keeper too!

    Good luck with your younger sister- as the youngest in our family trio, I can say the youngest is definitely the more open-minded and coolest! LOL


    1. katherinedeane Post author

      Thanks Willie! 🙂
      LOL, when I first met my sister’s husband, we hit it off very badly and despised each other. I wonder if it is bc we are so similar in emotions????? hmmm.

      Thanks!! So far little sis has been pretty receptive!!


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