Ok, I know I am not officially part of SRR’s Round Table Discussion. But I had so many thoughts on this, and really wanted to say something. (I just got really busy with life stuff; bikeathons, Roman diorama’s…) 🙂
Corinne Alexander posted a fantastic topic. Anal play and punishment.
Wow, I certainly have some conflicting views on this topic. (Sometimes it depends on the mood I am in)
But mostly, it depends on the wording.
The two most meaningful words for me in this discussion.
First of all, I’ll just say that I find anal play in stories I read, to be highly erotic and arousing.
Holy cow, it’s hot! Especially when done in that grey area between consent and non-consent. (Like I said, it depends on the mood I am in, and whether or not the MC actually enjoys the receiving.)
Don’t get me wrong, I like the whole “No, I don’t want to… Mmmm, well, okay, maybe… yes! Yes! Yes!” dynamic. I know it is grey. If the character is written as concluding with a wonderfully drawn out happy climax, then I like it.
I like consent.
It doesn’t have to be verbal. It can be done physically, like a shifting of the hips, or a groan of approval, or a POV shift to show her transition to enjoyment.
So that’s where I stand with the word “consent”.
Punishment might mean something very different for me than for others. And that’s okay. We all have our own terms and definitions.
Some talk about playful punishment and the façade of domination and humiliation. Now that, for me is HOT. Definitely hot.
I love the idea of that fine line between pretend and reality, where my HOH is reacting so harshly, I have to stop for a second and ask, “Are you actually mad at me?”
Once he has winked and affirmed that we are in fact playing, I’m good to go.
Remember, I’m a people pleaser. The thought of someone close to me actually being that angry with me, hurts far worse than any punishment ever could.
So play – is hot!
But we don’t play as often as I would like. 😦
I’m not in a BDSM or playful relationship.
Our relationship is more along the lines of Domestic Discipline. (I’m going to stop labeling us, because our relationship is evolving and shifting.)
My husband is my HOH- my leader, my protector, sometimes, my teacher.
Our real punishments are not done for play. They are done to teach, correct, and help me release the guilt over a transgression.
Play, fun and pleasure are not a part of it.
I have given my blanket consent, by agreeing to be in this relationship.
So there really is no safe word, and the consent is there.
I just have to trust that he won’t abuse my vulnerable position.
I can see very good teaching points in some anal punishments:
- Butt plug – holy cow, the humiliation and fear of being discovered, not to mention, the extreme discomfort… (Okay, we have not tried our set of plugs yet, but after trying some other penetration, I know I would not care for the feeling :))
- Ginger root – Okay, been there done that! Yikes! That sucker gets so hot! I’ll admit, I was also extremely aroused by this play. But I can see how this would be an excellent punishment.
I’m good with each of those.
But when the terms punishment and pleasure come together- that’s where I have to draw the line in my relationship.
When my HOH delivers a punishment, it is about loving direction and guidance. It is about firmly teaching a value, or imprinting a necessary consequence.
(I’m about to get a little graphic. Be forewarned)
If my husband were to punish me for something we had previously agreed on – let’s use overspending as an example – I would submit to it, trusting he was punishing me for my own good.
If he chose to have me wear a butt plug during the day as a reminder to not overspend, I would understand, and wriggle around in my very tight jeans, and regret that stupid mishap at the Disney store.
Hehe, no worries. 🙂
If he were to embarrass me, and cause me extreme discomfort through figging, once again, no worries. I believe that would be within my realm of acceptance for a punishment.
If he we to decide to have anal sex with me as part of my punishment…
In other words, part of my punishment would be the act of his large penis penetrating my very tight and hurting, bottom hole.
He were to become not only aroused by this act, but would also take pleasure in it, by climaxing…
Then in my mind, he would be taking pleasure in my punishment. He would be climaxing and enjoying hurting me.
My punishment is about learning and repenting.
My punishment should not give him pleasure.
If he takes pleasure from hurting me, then it will hurt me more than anything in the world.
Remember, I am a woman with high emotional needs.
So punishment with pleasure could not work for me without scarring me, and taking away something very important from our relationship.
I have to trust that he will impart wisdom and strength in his leadership of me.
I know my view, and definition and needs are different than everyone else’s. So I choose not to judge my friends and their fetish. Whatever turns them on, and is agreed upon- hey, I won’t judge. 🙂
But for me and my relationship, it all comes down to the wording and the moment.
Anal play – HOT!
Anal play in fiction, when done in a way that shows some form of consent? – Whoa, momma! Definitely hot!
Anal punishment in real life – not necessarily hot. But acknowledged as a good device.
Anal sex in real life punishment – NOT! Not hot for me, not acceptable in my relationship. Hurtful to me and the relationship.
Ok, there’s my take.
Please be kind with your responses. It’s okay to respectfully agree to disagree. But I feel pretty vulnerable right now, having been so open.
(I included the round table link at the top. There are a ton of other fantastic posts. Feel free to stop by and see the other viewpoints 🙂 )