Tag Archives: adult humor

Spanking A-Z Challenge, K: Kinky K words :)

spank A2Z

Welcome back for day “K” of the Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge.

Kathy Batts was kind enough to share a sexy alphabet blog page she had found. 🙂

There were too many wonderfully kinky “K” words to choose from, so I decided to have fun, and use as many as I could.

Here goes:

***

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Karl. He was from Kalamazoo, and only used “K” words in all of his activities.

After keeping the census down (1), regularly for two years, he met a small group of young, karenas (2), and decided to embark on a kinky adventure.

Kayla was a kit kat shuffler (3), and wanted nothing to do with his Kosher dill (4), unfortunately, so he was forced to kill 45 seconds (5) on his own.

He moved on to Kendra, a kootch dancer(6), who did not appreciate his keyhole whistling (7), so he was forced to once again, kick the gong around(8).

He met Kenzie the next day, and she was everything he could have dreamed. She loved kneeling at the alter(9) and gave special attention to his kidney wiper(10). But she was a bit too kinky for his tastes. She had Knismolagnia(11), and sounded like a braying mule when she laughed.

He spent the next day in the bed of a wonderful woman named Kerri, who let him suck on her kajooblies(12), and lick her kettle(13). She was most definitely the woman for him- until he saw the prescription for Kwell(14) on her kitchen counter.

He knuckled the bone(15) for a few for days, until coming across an ad in the paper.

“Wanted: Man to kick the back door(16) in while I fondle his knacks(17).

Signed, Kourtney

 

Upon meeting the lovely Kourtney, she burst into tears, proclaiming she couldn’t do it. She suffered from Kolpophobia(18).

Karl gave up and went home.

The next day, he changed his name to Doug.

 

*****

Terms used:

1. masturbating 2. attractive women 3.female masturbator

4. circumcised penis 5. Masturbate 6. Exotic dancer 7. perform cunnilingus

8. Masturbate 9. perform oral sex or bend over for anal

10. penis 11. sexual arousal from being tickled 12. Breasts 13. Vagina

14. medication to cure scabies and pubic lice 15. Masturbate

16. anal sex 17. Testicles 18. fear of genitalia

 

*****

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Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge, J : Jokes

spank A2Z

Welcome to the next installment of the Spanking A-Z Blog Challenge. Today’s letter is J.

I spent hours on the internet searching for spanking and sexy jokes. It was quite a bit of fun! Unfortunately, I was not able to find anything spanking related that was appropriate. So this will just include funny / sexy jokes 🙂

Here are some of my favorites from my search:

 

 

Patrick O’Malley hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” – and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night. In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?” So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.” The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?” She replied: “Aye – and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come”.

*

Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. The lady asked, “What’s that?” “A condom,” the other lady responded. “This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.” “Where did you get it?” the other lady asked. “You can get them at any drugstore.” The next day, the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers. “It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel.” The pharmacist fainted.

*

Flaslight A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”

*

An older man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my dick,” he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.” “Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he said. The receptionist replied, “You’ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.” The man replied, “You shouldn’t ask people things in a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass anyone.” The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?” “There’s something wrong with my ear,” he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. “And what is wrong with your ear, sir?” “I can’t piss out of it,” the man replied. The doctor’s office erupted in laughter.

*

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”

*

My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records… until the librarian kicked me out.

*

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor told them, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”

The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, “Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?”

“Pastor, I’m afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied.

“What happened?” inquired the pastor. “My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”

“You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church,” stated the pastor.

“That’s okay,” said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the grocery store anymore either.”

*

Q: How do mermaids reproduce? A: Seamen.

*

Two elderly ladies are strolling along the beach, one of them so rickety she is using a cane. They walk right up to where a man is buried with just his member sticking out of the sand. One of them turns to the other and says, “There really is no justice in the world.” “What do you mean?” The cane-wielding lady says, “When I was 20 I was curious about it, when I was 30 I enjoyed it, when I was 40 I asked for it, when I was 50 I paid for it, when I was 60 I prayed for it, and when I was 70 I forgot about it. Now that I’m 80 the damned things are growing wild and I’m too old to SQUAT!”

*****

 

That’s all I have for today. 🙂

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