Tag Archives: butt plug

Are we still playing? (Anal play vs punishment)

 

Ok, I know I am not officially part of SRR’s Round Table Discussion. But I had so many thoughts on this, and really wanted to say something. (I just got really busy with life stuff; bikeathons, Roman diorama’s…) 🙂

Corinne Alexander posted a fantastic topic. Anal play and punishment.

Wow, I certainly have some conflicting views on this topic. (Sometimes it depends on the mood I am in)

But mostly, it depends on the wording.

  • Punishment
  • Consent

The two most meaningful words for me in this discussion.

 

Consent:

First of all, I’ll just say that I find anal play in stories I read, to be highly erotic and arousing.

Holy cow, it’s hot! Especially when done in that grey area between consent and non-consent. (Like I said, it depends on the mood I am in, and whether or not the MC actually enjoys the receiving.)

Don’t get me wrong, I like the whole “No, I don’t want to… Mmmm, well, okay, maybe… yes! Yes! Yes!” dynamic. I know it is grey. If the character is written as concluding with a wonderfully drawn out happy climax, then I like it.

I like consent.

It doesn’t have to be verbal. It can be done physically, like a shifting of the hips, or a groan of approval, or a POV shift to show her transition to enjoyment.

So that’s where I stand with the word “consent”.

 

Punishment:

Punishment might mean something very different for me than for others. And that’s okay. We all have our own terms and definitions.

Some talk about playful punishment and the façade of domination and humiliation. Now that, for me is HOT. Definitely hot.

I love the idea of that fine line between pretend and reality, where my HOH is reacting so harshly, I have to stop for a second and ask, “Are you actually mad at me?”

Once he has winked and affirmed that we are in fact playing, I’m good to go.

Remember, I’m a people pleaser. The thought of someone close to me actually being that angry with me, hurts far worse than any punishment ever could.

So play – is hot!

But we don’t play as often as I would like. 😦

I’m not in a BDSM or playful relationship.

Our relationship is more along the lines of Domestic Discipline. (I’m going to stop labeling us, because our relationship is evolving and shifting.)

My husband is my HOH- my leader, my protector, sometimes, my teacher.

 

Our real punishments are not done for play. They are done to teach, correct, and help me release the guilt over a transgression.

Play, fun and pleasure are not a part of it.

I have given my blanket consent, by agreeing to be in this relationship.

So there really is no safe word, and the consent is there.

I just have to trust that he won’t abuse my vulnerable position.

 

I can see very good teaching points in some anal punishments:

  • Butt plug – holy cow, the humiliation and fear of being discovered, not to mention, the extreme discomfort… (Okay, we have not tried our set of plugs yet, but after trying some other penetration, I know I would not care for the feeling  :))
  •  Ginger root – Okay, been there done that! Yikes! That sucker gets so hot! I’ll admit, I was also extremely aroused by this play. But I can see how this would be an excellent punishment.

I’m good with each of those.

 

But when the terms punishment and pleasure come together- that’s where I have to draw the line in my relationship.

 

When my HOH delivers a punishment, it is about loving direction and guidance. It is about firmly teaching a value, or imprinting a necessary consequence.

(I’m about to get a little graphic. Be forewarned)

 

If my husband were to punish me for something we had previously agreed on – let’s use overspending as an example – I would submit to it, trusting he was punishing me for my own good.

If he chose to have me wear a butt plug during the day as a reminder to not overspend, I would understand, and wriggle around in my very tight jeans, and regret that stupid mishap at the Disney store.

Hehe, no worries. 🙂

If he were to embarrass me, and cause me extreme discomfort through figging, once again, no worries. I believe that would be within my realm of acceptance for a punishment.

 

BUT

If he we to decide to have anal sex with me as part of my punishment…

In other words, part of my punishment would be the act of his large penis penetrating my very tight and hurting, bottom hole.

AND

He were to become not only aroused by this act, but would also take pleasure in it, by climaxing…

 

Then in my mind, he would be taking pleasure in my punishment. He would be climaxing and enjoying hurting me.

 

My punishment is about learning and repenting.

My punishment should not give him pleasure.

If he takes pleasure from hurting me, then it will hurt me more than anything in the world.

Remember, I am a woman with high emotional needs.

So punishment with pleasure could not work for me without scarring me, and taking away something very important from our relationship.

My trust.

 

I have to trust that he will impart wisdom and strength in his leadership of me.

 

I know my view, and definition and needs are different than everyone else’s. So I choose not to judge my friends and their fetish. Whatever turns them on, and is agreed upon- hey, I won’t judge. 🙂

 

But for me and my relationship, it all comes down to the wording and the moment.

 

Anal play – HOT!

Anal play in fiction, when done in a way that shows some form of consent? – Whoa, momma! Definitely hot!

 

Anal punishment in real life – not necessarily hot. But acknowledged as a good device.

 

Anal sex in real life punishment – NOT! Not hot for me, not acceptable in my relationship. Hurtful to me and the relationship.

 

Ok, there’s my take.

🙂

Please be kind with your responses. It’s okay to respectfully agree to disagree. But I feel pretty vulnerable right now, having been so open.

Thanks!

Hugs!

(I included the round table link at the top. There are a ton of other fantastic posts. Feel free to stop by and see the other viewpoints 🙂 )

 

Torn Between Two Alphas – an Interview with Zac and Hayden

When I asked for interviews with two of the hottest new guys in the spanking fiction scene, (Zac Casper from Safe in his Arms, and Hayden Hawke from Captive’s Desire) I forgot to look in my date book, and accidentally slotted them for the same time.

Oops! (giggle)

The authors were kind enough to agree to a tandem interview, even though the men were less than thrilled.  But they adapted quickly, and gave one hell of a performance, leaving me breathless and completely satiated.  I’m going to have to forget my day planner a bit more often.

I mean… Oops!

🙂

*********

Black Ops / Ghost vs. Rebel CommanderInterviewing Zac Casper and Hayden Hawke

Katherine Deane takes a sip of coffee, and almost spits it out when her two interviewees walk through the door.

By far, the most intense, dominant, sexually intoxicating, handsome, Alpha men she has ever laid eyes on.  And there are two of them.  She fans herself, and takes a deep breath.

Katherine Deane:  Good morning, gentlemen. Thanks for agreeing to this interview. Please have a seat.

Zac:  Thanks for having us, Katherine. (He grins and takes a seat opposite her)

Katherine Deane: (licks her lips, as she takes stock of the man in front of her. Zac is gorgeous. Blonde hair, deep blue eyes.  He’s approximately 5’11, lean and muscular.  The kind of man who can captivate the attentions of a whole room, and disappear the next moment.)

Hayden:  (nods unsmiling, and sits) It’s nice to meet you Ms. Deane. (His stance is aggressive and commanding as he acknowledges the other male in the room. He gives an almost imperceptible tilt of his head toward Zac.)

Katherine Deane:  (watches the two Alpha males with growing awareness, making careful note of their interactions.  While Zac is muscular and wiry. Hayden is large and bulky.  A huge man, at least 6’3, strong, muscular, he looks capable of taking down any predator in his vicinity.  But his face softens his appearance.  He has ‘searing blue eyes, dark with specks of bright gold.  While his demeanor is tough and unyielding, his eyes show the kindness and love hidden inside.  This is the kind of man that could take on an entire force of enemy, and not bat an eyelash.)

Katherine Deane: (she points at the small bulges, lining their pockets) Well, I have to say, you both have some pretty impressive weapons.

Zac and Hayden: (both raise their eyebrows at her unintentional sexual innuendo)

Katherine Deane: (flushes) I mean, I can see that you have a weapon in your pocket. (Buries head in hands and groans)

Zac: (grins) we could just be happy to see you.

Katherine Deane: (squeaks)

Hayden: (frowns and sits straighter in his chair) I assure you, mine is larger, and will create quite an impact.

Zac: (scoffs) Well, mine is more economically sized for maneuverability, and can get into the tightest of places.  (Winks at KD) with a high impact and low chance of overall destruction.

Katherine Deane: Gentlemen, please.

Hayden: (growls and stands) You wanna see what I got?

Zac:  Hell yeah! (also stands)

Katherine Deane: (watches the standoff, wide eyed and nervous) Oh God.

Hayden: (reaches into his flight pants and pulls out a huge, futuristic ray gun.  The piece is made of a shiny, black metal Katherine has never seen before)

Zac: (pulls out a military grade looking revolver.  It is a dull black, with small scratches on the barrel.)

Both men exchange weapons and inspect, giving nods of respect over the individual pieces. After a few minutes of discussion over function and uses, the men give back their respective weapons, and sit.

Katherine Deane: I’m glad you two found something in common. Since you’re both military men, I thought weaponry might be a commonality.

Zac:  I bet our uses are different though. I need a quiet weapon sometimes.  Stealth and silence are necessary in my line of work.

Katherine Deane: You’re a former marine, right?

Zac: (nods). Yeah. Now I’m Black Ops.  My job is to get in and out unseen. I’m a ghost.

Hayden:  Cool.  My job is a bit louder, more aggressive.  There’s not much use for finesse in my line of work. Unless I’m flying.

Katherine Deane: Yes, you’re a rebel Commander in a futuristic world that is warring, correct?

Hayden: Correct.  We have been fighting to stay alive after escaping the dome we originally lived in.  When we fight, we fight loud, heavy, making big bangs and explosion.  While we want our location to be hidden, we don’t usually hide our fighting. We want them to fear our capabilities. The bigger the bang, the better.

Zac: (grins) I like big bangs. I have some pretty good knowledge of explosives.

Hayden: Awesome. If you ever want to compare notes…

Katherine Deane:  (rolls her eyes). All right gentlemen. That’s enough “Kumbaya’ing” (she grumbles)

Zac and Hayden: (raise eyebrows, and look at each other thoughtfully)

Katherine Deane: Would you like to talk about your fighting skills, hand to hand, martial arts, anything?

Hayden: I think I see where this is going.

Katherine Deane: You do?

Zac: Yeah. You’re pretty easy to read. (Grins) You want to antagonize us, so we’ll fight. Give you a little action.

Hayden: (jumps in smoothly) The thought of watching two alpha males duking it out, arouses you, Ms. Deane, doesn’t it?

Katherine Deane: (shrugs in embarrassment) Yes, it does. I’m sorry. But holy cow, you guys are just oozing testosterone! I haven’t felt this much energy in one space, in a long time.  It’s a little overwhelming.  How do your girlfriends handle all your cool Alpha-ness?

Hayden: (smiles for the first time, and chuckles) Livvie didn’t take too well to me when we first met.  I spanked her, and dragged her to safety. It was pretty much nonconsensual. And stubborn little thing that she is, she wouldn’t believe me that she was in danger from her own people.

Katherine Deane:  You spanked her on your very first meeting?

Hayden:  I spanked her several times. Hard. With this very hard, strong, calloused hand. (He claps his palms together)

Katherine Deane: (flinches and bites her lip) Wow. I bet that was an explosive start to your relationship.

Hayden: (leans in and whispers) The sex is even hotter.

Katherine Deane: (swallows hard, and fans herself)

Katherine Deane: (turns to Zac) How about you and Becca?  Non-con and explosive first spankings?

Zac: (shakes head and smiles) Nah, our spankings have been pretty consensual.  In fact, when we first met, years ago, she asked me to spank her. It was fun and sexy, and also how she ended up becoming pregnant with my son, Parker.

Katherine Deane: Congratulations. Um, on the son. Not the spanking… (gets flustered)

Zac:  (Laughs) Thanks. I love being a father. But I also love being with Becca.  She’s my soul mate.  It was really hard ghosting in and out of their lives.

Katherine Deane: I’m so glad you were able to work it out to all be together.

Zac:  Me too.  And in answer to your next question, yes, the sex is fantastic.  Spankings really turn both of us on.  I have had to punish her a few times though.

Katherine Deane: Did she fight it, kicking and screaming?

Zac: No. She understood what she had done, and agreed to the punishment.  It was hard for both of us.

Hayden:  I understand what you’re saying.  A few of Livvie’s punishments have been pretty hard for me also.

Katherine Deane: (rolls eyes) Why do guys always say that? Spankings hurt, especially punishment ones.  There’s no control.  No safe word.  Don’t get me wrong. I like being spanked. But I still think it’s funny when a Top says it hurts him also.

Zac: (loses his grin.)

Hayden: (His face becomes rigid and stern) Don’t roll your eyes and scoff at us.  We are trying to be honest with you.  And you’re being disrespectful.

Katherine Deane: (flushes) I’m sorry.

Hayden: Sorry, what?

Katherine Deane: (lowers eyes)  Sorry, Commander.

Hayden: All right, let’s carry on.

Katherine Deane: Wow, you’re really good at that.

Hayden:  (shrugs) I’m a rebel Commander, fighting for my life, and the lives of those around me.  If I don’t take charge effectively, people could die.

Katherine Deane: Oh. Is that why you used a butt plug on Livvie? To put her in a space of true submissiveness, so she would follow orders, and stay safe?

Hayden: (laughs) Well, that’s part of it.  She was, and still is quite the handful.  But in all honesty, she likes my dominance.  It arouses her.

Zac: That’s how Becca is too.  She is a strong woman.  Did you know she raised my son, by herself for years before I could get back to them? I respect her so much.  But I’ll have to tell you, some of our best sex happens when I dominate her.

Katherine Deane: That’s awesome. I’m glad that you have each found your soul mates, and wish you many long years of happiness, love, and of course, hard spankings.

Zac: Thank you. So whaddya say, Hayden? Want to set up a sparring session, so we can give Katherine a show?

Hayden:  Sounds great. Let me call my author quick, and check my availability. (Picks up futuristic cell phone, and calls author, Natasha Knight)

Katherine Deane: (leans toward Zac).  This will be so interesting to see. Your martial arts, and hand to hand expertise, against his brute strength and no holds barred fighting, is going to be fantastic! Can I invite a few girlfriends?

Zac:  Sure. The more the merrier.

Katherine Deane and Zac: (turn to hear a female voice yelling from the speaker phone)

Natasha Knight: (voice over speaker phone) … just ridiculous… over an hour… get your butt back here!

Hayden: (firm and deadly quiet) That’s. Enough.  (Claps palms together, hard)

Natasha Knight: (her voice falls silent)

Hayden:  This is not the mutual respect we agreed to give each other is it, Ms. Knight?

Natasha Knight:  No (sighs) Sorry.

Hayden: I will be back in less than ten minutes.  I want you in the corner, bare bottom, prepared for a discussion about respect.

Natasha Knight: (grumbles) not fair. Other authors don’t get spanked by their characters.

Hayden: Stop pouting, and get ready please.

Natasha Knight: All right, all right!

Hayden: (clears throat)

Natasha Knight:  I meant, Yes, Commander Hawke. (sighs)

Hayden: And the sparring match with Zac?

Natasha Knight: You’re free all next week. Please don’t get hurt.

Hayden: (laughs) I won’t get hurt. Thanks for caring. Now, corner, please.

Hayden: (hangs up, and meets Katherine’s wide eyed gaze)

Katherine Deane: You, spank her?

Hayden: (shrugs) A few times. Everyone has a part to play in the building of these books.  And everyone deserves respect. She agrees, and would be disappointed if I didn’t say something.

Katherine Deane: I guess that makes sense.  How about you, Zac? You don’t spank Renee Rose, do you?

Zac: (eyes twinkle as he grins) hell yeah, I do! She asks me to spank her sometimes when she can’t focus.  It’s more of a release sort of session.

Katherine Deane: Wow. That is, um, really cool.

Hayden: So how about next Wednesday for the sparring match?

Zac: Works for me.

Katherine Deane: That sounds wonderful guys, thank you so much.

Zac: No problem.

Hayden: See you next week.

They all rise and shake hands.  The two men walk out the door, leaving Katherine alone.

Katherine Deane: (grumbles) I guess it’s time to create my own Alpha male.

****

safeinhisarms_full

Safe in His Arms

By Renee Rose

For as long as she could remember, Becca dreamed of a dominant man to take her in hand, and Zac, the handsome Marine she met at her sister’s wedding, filled the role with aplomb… for a weekend. Then the fling came to an end, Zac went off to war and died for his country, and Becca learned she carried a child who would be born without a father.

Seven years later, Becca has done her best to move on and forget about Zac… until the day she walks into her kitchen to find the man she believed she would never see again locked in mortal combat with her son’s nanny, and realizes everything she thought she knew about Zac was a lie.

Like all Black Ops agents, Zac doesn’t exist in any government record. His life is a series of deadly missions, and relationships of any kind are unsanctioned. But he keeps one secret. He watches over Becca, the beautiful daughter of a rogue agent, and Parker, the six-year-old boy he fathered that fateful weekend. When he spots a known assassin in their apartment posing as a nanny, he’s forced to reveal himself and take them to safety… whether Becca likes it or not.

While Becca may have enjoyed his dominance once, bending her to his will again may not be quite so easy. He is determined to keep her safe, however, and if a long, hard spanking is required, he is more than willing to oblige. Having Becca over his knee rekindles more than his passion, though; even when the immediate danger has passed, he finds it much more difficult to “ghost out” on his family again. Must he resign himself to protecting those he loves from afar, or can he find a way to be the man Becca needs and longs for, the man who is worthy of her submission and her love?

Buy links:

AmazonAmazon UKAmazon.caAmazon.deAmazon.itBarnes & NobleAReBlushing Books

****

captivesdesire_full

Captive’s Desire

By Natasha Knight

Olivia has spent years training to hunt and kill the dangerous savages who live outside the dome which protects her city, and she stands ready to carry out her mission with pride… until the day she is shot down and her life is changed forever.

Pulled from the wreckage by a man unlike any she has ever seen—a massive, gruff, yet strangely handsome brute who is not afraid to bare her bottom and spank her soundly to compel her obedience—she is brought into the midst of the people she once sought to wipe out, and her rescuer becomes both her captor and her protector.

From the instant he sets eyes upon her, Hayden is certain that there will be a special place in his heart for Olivia. He knows the struggle she will face as she breathes the clean, free air outside the dome and the drugs in her system wear off, leaving her exposed to desires more powerful than she can imagine—desires that he will be more than prepared to fulfill when she is ready.

As the days pass, Olivia grows more and more disturbed by what she sees around her—husbands and wives, children and families, all healthy and unharmed by the supposedly poisoned air. Far more disturbing, though, are her growing feelings for Hayden. She finds herself wanting him in a way that she cannot understand, and her need for him grows stronger with every passing hour. She knows that soon she will ask for him to take her, and that when he is finished it will not be long before she kneels at his feet, blushing with shame while begging for more.

Buy links:

Amazon

Amazon UK

Blushing Books

Amazon.it

Amazon.de

Amazon.ca

ARE

Barnes and Noble