Tag Archives: character

Fantasy vs. Reality – A chat with Patricia Green

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KD: Thanks so much for joining me today, Patricia. This is a subject that is very personal to me. The subject of fantasy vs. reality – holding a real spouse to a fictitious standard.  And since we are both in DD relationships, I thought it would be fun to talk about some real life experiences as well.

PG: It’s great being here with you, Katherine. Thank you for inviting me to join you.

KD:  Ok, I’m just going to jump in with one of my biggest issues.  My biggest problem early in DD, was that I was comparing (and resenting) my husband to the expert HOHS in the books I read. I realize now this is unhealthy for me, and is very disrespectful to him.
But it’s so easy to do. The characters, even when flawed, seem to always be almost perfect HOH’s.

PG: Yes, I find that there are a growing number of women who resent their spouses because they’re not like the heroes they read about. This is not only true for spanking fiction, but also very true for romance in general. The issues with romance as a genre have been around for a long time. But, whether you’re talking DD or Regencies, there has to be a separation between fantasy and reality. Some people let the lines blur. I think this might be truer for an empathic person like yourself, Katherine.

KD: That’s why I sometimes shift to paranormal if I’m not in a safe mind set. It’s far easier to remember that a spanking vampire, is in fact, fantasy.

I’m serious about this.  Sometimes, I can differentiate between the contemporary hero and real life hero (AKA hubby) easily.  But occasionally, it becomes hard to separate, so I find it easier to jump into a regency or old time western story.  To be perfectly honest, science fiction and fantasy are still my favorites. (I really wish someone would do a Star Trek or Battle Star Galactica themed spanking romance.)

PG: The fact is, the women (almost exclusively) who write this stuff are building fantasies. They take what they think is the “perfect hero” and put him on the page. Have they ever met the “perfect hero” in person? Not a chance. There is no such person. Everyone has flaws. And, let’s face it, none of us wives are perfect either. Do we have a legitimate right to demand it from our HoH’s?

KD: That’s a very good point.  In real life, I despise what age is doing to my body.  But it would be so hurtful and wrong of my husband to demand that I remain as my “thirty something” self.  It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to hold on to that image.  It’s fantasy.

KD: I understand that you are in a DD relationship as well.  Did you have any struggles with resentment, or HOH images?  How did you get into this relationship?

PG:  The first DD relationship I was in was when I was 19. The man I was involved with was 42. I think it would be safe to say that I was looking for a stern father-figure, something I didn’t have growing up. Although I went on to a vanilla relationship after that, I wasn’t as happy in that situation. I divorced my vanilla husband, not because there was anything wrong with him — he was and is a very good guy and a great dad to our daughters. It was more a discontentment within me. I believe that’s the kind of discontentment that eats at a relationship like a cancer. There are a few things that can be done about it. A woman can decide that the other parts of her relationship are more important than her DD desires (I know more than a few women who have done this, and it works for them), or she can ask her husband to try to work with her on migrating the relationship to a DD one.

KD: That’s what I did. I brought DD to my husband, and asked him to take charge of our marriage.  It was pretty scary, but thankfully, he didn’t laugh or make fun of my request.  But it felt like a last resort for me.  We were both unhappy, and I wanted the structure.

We have been doing DD for over a year and a half.  And even though it isn’t strictly DD, it’s a decision that we both agree has been the best decision for us. Spanking helped save our marriage.

PG:  Well, what is “strict DD,” or are you comparing book-based DD against real life DD? Because in real life, every couple has a different way of dealing with incompatibilities. DD couples are no different from vanilla couples in that regard. Your version of DD is not, and should not, be the same as any other couple’s. There is no rule or cannon for you to cling to; you have to make it up as you go along.

KD: Great point! I can already see our next blog topic.

KD:  How did you learn about DD? Was it from an online source or a book?

PG:  DD books weren’t around at that time, or not sold where “nice girls” shopped, so the only measuring sticks I had were that early relationship and my own desire for discipline. I knew I needed discipline imposed upon me externally, so that’s what I sought. I had no words for it at the time, DD wasn’t part of my vocabulary.

KD: That’s how I felt before I learned about DD. So you didn’t have anyone to compare your new HOH to, (no fictitious super spankos) probably making it a lot easier, right?

PG:  Actually, you don’t have to read about the uber-DD-hero. You can dream him up all the same, and that dream guy can have the same effect on you. No one else is good enough.

KD:  I loved how you related it to just every day coveting. It’s such a good point. We don’t always need characters to compare and create something in our mind, better.  The grass is always greener, right?

PG:  It’s just like having a daydream of a mansion on a hill, when your budget is more an apartment in the suburbs. It’s something to admire, but you disrespect what you have if you’re not careful.

KD: Well said.  Ok, so back to fantasy.  Who is your favorite fictitious HOH?

PG:  My favorite fictitious HOH is Ace Journey, from Ace-High Flush. It might be rather apparent as I keep coming back to him in the books, even for small segments of the story. He’s strong, masculine, mature, dominant, but very loving and romantic. He spanks for discipline and for eroticism. Ace is crazy in love with his young wife, Gabby, and that love translates into lots of care, concern and passion.

KD:  I loved Ace and Gabby. My husband and I also use spanking for discipline and eroticism.

What’s one of your favorite behaviors from Ace? I loved their story, and appreciated the fact that he doesn’t look down on or disrespect Gabby, even though she is over 15 years younger than him.

PG:  Favorite behavior… Ace reasons with Gabby, but he doesn’t take any wheedling. My husband is the same way. He can spot manipulation a mile away and takes a very dim view of it.

KD: My husband is starting to figure out my manipulative tendencies too. 🙂  Alas.

KD: So how does one, especially an empathetic person like me, safely read these wonderful stories without resenting our imperfect spouses?

PG:  You know, there’s an old saying about “good fences make good neighbors.” In many respects, the same can be said for fiction and reality. You have to keep your fences intact. Maintain them carefully. Don’t neglect them or forget they’re there. Remember that you need them in order to keep your real life from deteriorating because you’re lost in make-believe worlds. The heroes in fiction are deceptive. If a writer is good, the story will seem like a home-movie of a couple living their real life. But that’s not the case. No relationship has a planned trajectory that ends in a happily ever after. Real relationships aren’t planned, plotted out, or outlined, they’re organic. That’s what makes them so special, and something no meddling writer can ever really bring to you. Enjoy what you have, make your own happy ending, and don’t pine for make-believe worlds. None of us really has a fairy godmother.

KD: That was so brilliantly stated.  I have read some fantastic authors who do such a great job of building the characters and relationships, that I can’t help, but pine for what they have.

But I can continue to read and enjoy these awesome stories, if I just remember that they are fiction. Beautifully written, “want to get lost in it”, 5 star stories… but still, fiction. 

Is that right?

PG: Absolutely. Remember that your husband is a lot more than type on a page. He’s got true emotions, needs and goals. He won’t be predictable like the usual romance plot. That makes him a lot more satisfying. Why would you want to exchange him for a cardboard hero? You wouldn’t. Keep that in mind.

KD: Thank you so much for agreeing to talk with me about DD, your personal life, your characters, and the boundaries between fantasy and real life.  And thank you for creating such great characters and fun worlds for me to escape into. At least for a little while.  🙂

PG: Real life has a way of testing our character. If I can help you deal with that, give you a break from a difficult problem, I’m honored to do it. My thanks for relying on my books to help you cope a teensy bit better. There’s nothing wrong with escapism, so long as your whole life isn’t an escape.

KD:  Thanks again. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next.

***

Ace and Gabby’s book is Ace-High Flush, book 2 of the Journey Family series. The blurb goes like this:

Gabriella Appleby is a struggling young, large-size model who can’t quite behave. She tries, but sometimes telling the truth just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. Not thinking things through also seems to be high on her list of to-do items.

Ace Journey is interested in Gabby, and cares about her enough to want to make an indelible impression on her. No one has taught her to behave, and he figures he’s the man to do it. Although their New York/New Jersey rendezvous takes him out of his natural element, don’t let his Texas drawl fool you. He’s smart and capable, and more than a match for the city streets.

Gabby wants Ace, and Ace wants Gabby. Unfortunately, her errors in judgment lead them to a fork in the road where they must part. Miserable about it, they find that an unlikely matchmaker—billionaire Jonny Chow—steps in to show them just how much they mean to each other.

It’s available at Amazon and Blushing Books.

There’s also an extended excerpt and character profiles on Patricia Green’s website.:)

Katherine’s Connections – Kate Strand (Deathless Love)

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My latest connection is from a Renee Rose, paranormal spanking romance. I am actually starting to wonder if Renee writes stories specifically for me.  LOL, I know that’s not the case, but in my nice little world of egocentricity, I am going to keep thinking that way.  🙂

I love the strength Renee applies to her characters while also giving them flaws. And it is so easy for me to connect with her characters. Some of them really seem like me.

This latest connection is a character from one of her earlier works, Deathless Love.  It’s a paranormal work, which is probably my favorite genre. While I like some realism in the stories I read, I prefer to escape into them. This makes paranormal a great genre for me. It has just the right amount of realism mixed in with fantasy. Add to the mix, a little bit of spanking and sex, and I am in Seventh Heaven!

Renee created a wonderfully engaging character in Kate Strand. I also have to acknowledge that I love her name because one of my nicknames is Kate.

Kate is a talented, outgoing, beautiful, and charismatic woman, – the lead singer of a band, who loses a lot of her edge when she is not behind the mic. When she is performing, she is confident and charismatic.  But when off stage, she loses some of that.  She doesn’t have the microphone to hide behind anymore.

I also like to sing, and that’s how I feel behind the microphone. Center of attention, with the mic in hand and a full band behind me (though I prefer to be backup usually), is more comfortable, and more my zone. It’s safer than talking with another person. It’s less intimate, less vulnerable.

Once off stage, Kate’s true nature settles in. She is unsure of the male attention she receives, less confident, less able to deal with confrontation comfortably.  In one early scene, she is visibly shaken by the unwanted attentions of another man. But it’s not necessarily his attention that bothers her. It’s her inability to react comfortably. She doesn’t know how to shut him down nicely. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.

This is exactly how I am. I can’t stand the thought of hurting another person’s feelings, or having them unhappy with me.

Then Kate has a very intimate interaction with Dom, a vampire, her boss, a Dominant. She gets a little drunk, and falls off the stage. Dom takes her into his office to make sure she is ok, and ends up spanking her over his desk. They actually have some great sex afterwards, but this first spanking was what really turned me on.

Since Kate is a submissive at heart, she finds herself drawn to Dom’s strength and dominance. But she is also confused and slightly embarrassed by her reaction.

Kate likes the eroticism in his spankings and dominance.  They even make a rule where she gets spanked every time she rolls her eyes at Dom. But Dom agrees to make them fun spankings, and she agrees whole heartedly.

I am also very aroused by spankings and shows of dominance from my husband. We are walking a very fine line between spanking eroticism, and Domestic Discipline. And it works for us.

Just like it works for Kate and Dom in their new relationship.

There are also scenes where Dom gives Kate guidelines and takes charge, like when he takes over the move from her apartment to take some of the pressure off her. He reads her very well. (Then again, he is a 500 year old vampire, and not your typical human male.) Kate doesn’t appreciate his taking charge at times, but she also feels safe under his leadership. A conundrum for any woman today.

Kate even asks Dom to help her with her eating habits, like cutting wheat from her diet, because she wants him to set boundaries. She seeks accountability, not tyranny.  This builds her strength, and enables her to help herself.

This is what I long for in my DD relationship; protection, boundaries, strength, and helping me to help myself.  I am a grown woman, who needs to know that I can protect myself. But it sure does help to know that my safety net is there, or that my coach will give me a little push when I need it.

Though Kate submits easily to Dom, this doesn’t make her weak. It just shows that Dom is stronger, more experienced, and willing to be there for her.  Dom is the safety net, the protective wall.  He doesn’t imprison her with his dominance, but he protects her from others and herself.

I also liked the confrontation scene in the restaurant. When Kate’s meal isn’t done correctly, she fears confronting the waiter. But Dom gives her a push. Dom doesn’t do it for her, he doesn’t talk to the waiter, but he tells Kate he knows she has the strength in her to speak up for herself. So she does. The food is fixed properly, no harm, no foul. I loved that scene. She stood up for herself, and didn’t get hurt. Yeah, Kate!

I have been such a people pleaser for so much of my life, that it is hard for me to confront others. I can see Kate’s fears and totally empathize with them.

I can also relate to her desire for consistency.

In one scene, Kate gets in a lot of trouble because she forgets to put down the shades, hurting Dom. This could have killed him or his friends, and he had been very firm in that one rule. Shades down when the sun is out.

With Renee’s permission, I’ll post the punishment scene at the end.

It is INTENSE!

But it is completely necessary. Kate desires consistency, safety, and an environment in which she can grow, and be protected if need be. Boundaries are as necessary as food and water.  If Dom had not reacted with a firm punishment, I think she would have resented him for it.

This is how I feel when my husband is inconsistent with me.  Consistency means safety, both physically and emotionally.

Though her punishment is hard, she toughs it out, because she really is stronger than she gives herself credit for, and she has already agreed that she made a huge mistake. She desires his consistency.

I really liked Kate, and found a lot of myself in her.  Her erotic needs, her spanko desires, her submissiveness, her desire for boundaries, while also being appreciated for her own strength and abilities- they all mirror my own desires and needs.

I loved this book. I really enjoyed connecting with Kate. And I think we share a lot more than just a name.

Here is the yummy punishment scene, I was talking about. Very delicious, especially if you have any spanko in you.  🙂

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Kate’s knees were jelly. She tripped down the stairs and into Dom’s bedroom with her heart pounding in her throat. Oh God. There was a belt on the bed. She was sure it was purposeful. This was it.

Her first real punishment spanking. She didn’t count the time he spanked her to tears over snapping at him, because he hadn’t really been angry then and he had done it to relieve her stress. This time he was angry—she could tell. She paced around the room, tears choking her. Her face burned with the pressure of them. She sat on the bed and started to cry.

The door opened and Dom filled the doorway, holding a wooden spoon. She stood up and ran to him, clutching his arm so he could find her in space. “Dom, I’m so sorry. I was in a hurry and I just totally forgot that I’d opened the shutters.” Her tears started up fresh again.

To her surprise, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She sobbed into his chest. When she had calmed down a bit, he drew her away and looked in her direction, although his blind eyes missed focusing on her eyes. They were a horrible sight—bloody mucous was oozing out of the inner and outer corners of his eyes and the whites were completely bloodshot. His skin was as red as a lobster, like a redhead who’d spent all day at the beach without sunscreen. Some places had weeping blisters.

“Kate, there’s no excuse for your irresponsibility. I thought I made it clear how serious it was to leave the shutters closed.”

“You did,” she choked. “You absolutely did. I know and I feel so bad,” her voice broke again and she drew in several hiccupping breaths.

Dom just waited.

“Are you going to spank me?” she asked in a whisper.

“What do you think I should do?” he asked quietly.

Ah. This was the consent piece, again. He wasn’t going to hurt her without her permission. Of course she didn’t want to be spanked. Especially not with his belt. But she’d caused him to be badly hurt and she felt absolutely horrible about it. And spanking was the solution on the table. She leaned her forehead against his chest and nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words—to actually ask him to spank her. He understood.

“Take off your clothes,” he commanded.

He went to the bed, reaching his legs in front of him tentatively, until one of them hit the edge of it. He sat down, turning his face in her direction.

Knowing he was blind somehow made stripping off her clothes a little easier, but not that much. There was something about baring herself to be punished that made her feel so very small and vulnerable.

“Can I just pee first?” she asked in voice that sounded too squeaky.

He nodded without comment. He still looked so stern and remote. Her thighs trembled as she peed and her breath was coming in quick little gasps. She returned and stood in front of him, her belly doing flip flops. He still held the wooden spoon in one hand. He felt for her hips and then pushed her across his knee, with her head resting on the bed.

There was no waiting in anticipation this time. It wasn’t a game. He started immediately spanking hard with the spoon, taking her breath away with the thud of it. She gasped and squirmed. He threw his free leg over to scissor hers so that she was firmly pinned across his knee. It was worse than any spanking he’d given her, and this was just the warm up. As the burn increased, she struggled harder to escape the punishing smacks of the wooden spoon. It seemed he was applying it all over her already burning bottom—smarting every inch until she imagined it was as red as his burnt skin.

“Please, Dom!” she was starting to panic. “Stop! Please!” Fear had welled up in her. She couldn’t possibly take any more, she was sure of it. And he was so angry, he was sure to overdo it. And that wasn’t even considering his vampire strength. Oh God, were his fangs out? He’d warned her to be careful of him when he was angry. She was flipping out completely. She reached a hand back to block the spoon and felt Dom’s body jerk in response. He snatched her wrist and pinned it behind her back.

“Do not reach, Kate! I could break your fingers that way.” Then he gave her five of the hardest spanks she had ever felt. She screamed bloody murder the whole time, trying in vain to get free of his merciless hold.

He lifted her abruptly onto her feet, then and rubbed her bottom. She was completely agitated and confused. “Go stand in the corner. I think you need a break,” he said in the most ordinary tone, as if he hadn’t just spanked the living daylights out of her.

 

(c) Renee Rose and Stormy Night Publications

 

Renee Rose, erotic romance author, did not come out of the closet as a spanko until she published her spanking romance, Betrothed. A lifelong writer, she has a B.A. in creative writing from Knox College, where she won the Davenport prize for both fiction and poetry, and the Lorraine Smith prize for literary criticism.  She spent thirteen years in technical writing before she found a way to incorporate her deepest darkest spanking fantasies into fiction and express a part of her that longed to see the light. She is now passionate about supporting others in accepting and exploring their kink, whatever that may be.  Leave a comment on her blog at www.reneeroseromance.com and join the conversation!

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Erotic Romance Author| e: reneeroseauthor@gmail.com |w: www.reneeroseromance.com

No romance story is complete without a spanking!

A blurb about Kate and Dom’s next short story, Deathless Discipline

Although spankings top the list of Kate’s favorite activities with her vampire husband Dom, they are usually the highly erotic foreplay to making mind-bogglingly amazing love.

Not this time. Dom feels that he must lay down the law when Kate not only stays out much longer than she planned and doesn’t answer his calls, but also lies to him about it. There’s only one thing to do—give her a long, hard, bare-bottom discipline spanking that she will not soon forget.

Follow these characters from Renee Rose’s full-length novel Deathless Love as their relationship continues to grow!

A bonus short story called Mary Catherine Learns Her Lesson is also included, which takes place at the No Return nightclub featured prominently in Deathless Love.

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00AV53MTK/ref=as_li_tf_il?ie=UTF8&tag=wwwreneeroser-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00AV53MTK