Tag Archives: communication

Doing Time – In the Corner.

should wives be spanked

9:30 pm Wed night.

He put me IN THE CORNER!

Hubby came into the bedroom wanting to know what had made me so grumpy earlier this evening.

I told him “Nothing”.  And continued typing on my laptop, pretending to ignore him.

(Yes, I was bit crabby. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember why I was taking it out on him.)

He asked me again, more firmly.
“Nothing is wrong!” I replied a little bit louder.

Wrong answer, I guess.

He pulled me up, out of my chair, put my laptop on the bed, and walked me over to the corner in our bedroom, and said, “Stay.”

Holy crap!
I wasn’t even sure if he was serious, since we have NEVER even discussed corner time.

(Ok, I might have mentioned it once, when we started out, like 14-15 months ago, as a passing thought, “These are the kind of punishments you can give…”)

But we have never talked about it again. I’ve never mentioned how intrigued I have always been about it.

To be placed in the corner, like a naughty girl, was so arousing, yet so embarrassing and wrong at the same time!

My heart was in my throat, and my stomach danced with butterflies, as I sorted through all the conflicting emotions:

  • His sudden Dominance really turned me on.
  • I liked this feeling of submissiveness.
  • It was kind of humiliating to receive this kind of punishment.
  • How should I react?

He left right away, because the kids started coming downstairs from their beds, so he rushed to intercept them.

If they had come anywhere near the bedroom, I can tell you honestly, I would not have stayed in that corner. Or I at least would have pretended to be doing something important.

“Oh, darlings, just look at the difference in the coloring on these two walls. If you stick your nose right up into the corner, you can see that these are not symmetrical.  We must fix this as soon as possible!”

As it was, I didn’t stay anyway.   The corner was dirty, and there were still cords and charger plugs from the iron and my laptop, that I didn’t want to step on.

So I moved everything out of the way, just in case he was serious about following through.

Then I went to find him to apologize (and see if he had really meant it. Yes, I was testing. I’ll admit it).

He took one look at me when I came out, and growled, (Yes, he really did growl.)
“Why aren’t you where I told you to stay?”

(The kids were coming in and out of their rooms. I appreciated his cryptic question.)

“I didn’t know if you really meant it.” I pouted.

His scary, low voice replied, “I want you. Where I. put you. Wait there until I come and get you.”

Big gulp, and a slow trudge back to the icky, but now uncluttered corner.

I wondered if he would spank me for coming out, and how long he would leave me there.
Even more importantly, how long would I let myself stay there?  What if it was like an hour or so?  And why was I kind of aroused by all of this.

After maybe three to five minutes (long enough for my mind to wander into spanking territory, anyway), he came in, and told me I could come out.

I can honestly say, I felt pretty submissive. I finally explained the little things that had gotten me in my ill mood, including him being late and not calling.  He lectured me about respectful two way communication, and suggested a line. “Honey, next time you’re running late, would you please call me?”

Well, duh! That one hadn’t even crossed my mind.

And in answer to the next probable question. No there was no spanking.
Though I was kind of disappointed, (Is that weird?) I realized that I needed to adhere to my own rules.

I asked him to take charge, and be the Head of our Household.

I asked him to stop me when I’m being ugly.

I asked him to do 24/7 DD.

I asked him to make the tough decisions regarding discipline and communication.

If all I want is the spanking, then it’s just about play and sex, and we need to consider  a different route. Maybe D/S or BDSM in the bedroom only.

But…

If I’m going to follow through with this relationship, then I need to fully embrace it.

Even without the spankings.

Even with the confusing new additions, like cluttered, yucky corners.

The painful side effects of lactose

woman_yoga_beach

*This is a true story from Saturday afternoon*

*******

I gave hubby one last glare, and huffed towards the bedroom in search of Jammy pants – loose ones. Very loose ones.

It turns out I had eaten gluten for lunch, and I had eaten chocolate covered berries (lactose) the night before. My tummy was NOT in the best of moods. I was angry, passive aggressive, bloated and gassy- the worst of combinations after coming home from vacation.

Hubby followed me into our room, and locked the door.

Uh oh. 

“Um, my tummy still doesn’t feel the greatest, but at least I don’t feel like puking anymore,” I offered with a half smile.

“Ok,” he led the way into the bathroom, and turned on the overhead fan.

The fan that drowns out the noises of repetitive striking of flesh on flesh. It’s the spanking fan.

He took me by the shoulders, and looked deep into my eyes.

“Why have you been so grumpy today? Why the passive aggression? What is going on?”

‘I don’t know, I’m tired,’ definitely didn’t cut it this time.

I tried to explain how unhappy I was, and that I just couldn’t shake myself out of the negativity. But the words just didn’t want to come.

So he carefully peeled my shorts and panties to my knees, and bent me over the bathroom sink.

He asked if this was hurting my stomach. I told him no, that pressing over his knee would probably have dreadful consequences for both of us, but THIS… this was ok.

SMACK!

I flinched at the first strike on my bottom. I always flinch with the first one. It’s not that it hurts. I think the sound scares me more than anything.

SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!

He slowly increased the intensity and the pace.

He proceeded like this for another minute, heating my bottom thoroughly. I was finally able to talk.

“I wasted two and half hours this morning,” I whined. “I could have written a blog post, a review, my WIP, anything! But I couldn’t focus. And I made it into a joke on Facebook. But it wasn’t funny!”

I sniffled and shimmied my bottom back and forth. He was listening as he spanked.

He gave me one particularly hard swat, and told me to continue.

“Mmf! I accidentally ate gluten today, and now I’m plump,” I was holding back the tears and clenching my fists onto the sink. “I HATE being plump!”

He continued spanking, slowly, methodically as I explained how angry I was about:

not accomplishing anything,

the messy house,

my painfully fat / gassy belly,

how disappointed I was that we might not be able to have our “together” time. (Ok, it has been over two weeks! And he has already expressed an interest in some “new stuff”. Come on, already!)

He stopped his assault on my poor throbbing bottom, and pulled me up into his arms.

“Is there anything else?” he asked.

“I LOST MY CHOCOLATE!” I broke down in gut wrenching sobs.

“What do you mean? You mean you can’t find it, you misplaced it?” he pulled me off his drenched shirt, and met my eyes.

To his credit, he didn’t laugh or smile. This was a very big deal to me. I was hurting.

“I just found out that my chocolate…” I sniffled, “my chocolate…”

“What about your chocolate?” he asked.

“My chocolate has lactose in it!” I wailed and buried my head into his chest again.

“Ok, listen up!” he said bringing out the old bit of Army in him. (We met in the Army. And man, he does Command presence and authority like nobody I’ve ever seen)

I sniffled and met his eyes.

“Listen,” he continued, “ I know of a LOT of women who are gluten or lactose intolerant. There is no way in H*ll that they would give up chocolate. We will find you some chocolate that you can eat without hurting your tummy, ok?”

“Yes, Sir,” I started crying again.

“Do you want me to help you out of the rest of this mood?”

I nodded and bent back over the sink.

I cried and grunted and sniffled and snotted. But I did not move out of place. The next 5 minutes hurt. (I have the red, swollen bottom to prove it.) But this was something I really needed.

When every last tear had fallen, and every painful swat delivered, it was over.

He held me in his arms, stroking my back as I leaned into him, breathing, leaning, re centering.

Something had released in me.

I don’t know what exactly, but it was something big and negative.

I could finally breathe again.

My bottom was red, hot, swollen and tender.

But my heart was free, and my head was clear.

I thanked hubby, and apologized.

I’m not sure why all those little things bugged me so much today.  But they did, and they escalated until they were suffocating the joy out of me and those closest to me.

After we kissed and made up, hubby sent me in to do some writing.

I have started with this blog post.

Next comes my WIP.

After that, I am going hunting for some chocolate. Without lactose.

Empowerment – A one man job?

we can do it

Empowerment – The giving of an ability; enablement or permission (www.dictionary.com)

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way.  If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

 

People seldom do things to the best of their ability.  They do things to the best of their willingness.

 

Approach the start of each day with one goal and end the day with one word: DONE!

(www.everydaylifelessons.com)

******************

Today’s post is something I have been thinking about a lot.  But until recently, I couldn’t put it into words.

How could I say the following?

  • that I had been searching for a way to better myself as a wife, mother, and woman, without negating my uniqueness
  • that I wanted to be self sufficient, but sometimes needed to be able to trust another to help me.
  • that I wanted to be pushed, but not shoved,
  • encouraged, not belittled.
  • sheltered, but not imprisoned.

I went around in circles trying to define what I was looking for in my relationship, until one day it hit me.  The one word I was looking for.

Empowerment

My desire is to be the best I can be, using education, life experiences and (hopefully, some day…) maturity.  I want to do this on my own, but have found that sometimes I need outside help.  I depend on my HOH, AKA hubby, to help me succeed. And even though it stings my pride to ask for help, I know this is the right move for me.

While I am a strong, intelligent woman capable of making her own decisions, sometimes I need him to help me.

He can either lead me through the moment,

or he can talk me through it, get me started, and give me a push.

(Sometimes, this involves a quick swat or two on the rear end).  Depending on the situation, either can work.

When we first started DD (just over a year ago), I envisioned hubby forcing me out of bed, spanking me if necessary, and taking command of every facet of my life. I quickly realized this was not what either of us wanted. I still wanted to make my own decisions, live my own life. I just needed help getting started, or thinking things through.  Yes, I needed his guidance and strength, but not for EVERY choice I made.  Thankfully, he had already figured this out, and waited patiently for me to come to the same conclusion.

I have been having a lot of problems getting myself into the habit of waking early for a morning run. While it makes sense, and is easier to run before the heat and humidity kick in, I still can’t force myself out of bed.

Last week, he did something he had been doing frequently, yet I had never paid any attention.

Until this time.

He empowered me.

I had already missed two morning runs that week, was cranky, depressed, and letting everyone around me feel this in full force.

Hubby understands that this cycle hurts me. I get angry and lash out.  Then I feel guilty, which makes me depressed. He helps me out of these occasional bad cycles with a release spanking, a discussion about how I can do better, or a combination of both. (This is probably why he started calling our sessions, “discussions”)

This last time, he started with a series of questions for me.

“When are you going to run tomorrow?” (“6:30 am”)

“What time do you need to get up to accomplish this?” (calculated morning hygiene. I hate running with morning breath. Eeeew. “6:20 am”)

“What time does this mean you will need to get to sleep?” (Took into account the amount of time it will take me to fall asleep after punching pillow, and grumbling at hubby for snoring.  “10:30 pm”)

We walked through the whole scenario until I had a definitive course of action for the night and the morning. It was perfect! (Well, as perfect as it can be, when you still know you have to wake up at o-dark thirty)

The point is, he helped me make my own decision.  He empowered me.  He didn’t take over, and bulldoze me into a decision. But he did lead me through the proper questioning.

(Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed worrying about the end result, I can’t think through the steps to get me thereIt helps to have that little push.)

He enabled me, by giving me questions to answer. I figured out how to achieve my end goal, and put the plan into action.

I had a great run, felt strong, and empowered –  I felt good about myself.

Now, my HOH could have quite as easily, dictated my actions for the evening and morning.

But would it have helped me?

Would I have felt as good about myself, if I had just followed blindly?

I might have still gotten the run in, but it probably wouldn’t have helped me get through the whole week. Yes, slap on the back time. I made it the rest of the week on my own, without any prodding. 🙂

With that being said, there are times I really do need him to pull rank, and just call the shots. Sometimes, I forget to eat a meal, and I get reeeeeeeeeally crabby and mean.  At this point, he just shoves some food at me. We talk about it later.

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed, and start over-emoting. We call that a tantrum.  I am using no respectful communication, and am probably stomping my foot a little. Once again, this time just calls for decisive action on hubby’s part.  A quick little scolding and bottom warming in the bathroom, is usually all it takes to get me thinking clearly again.

 

So empowering turns out to be a very important responsibility for the HOH. But is that all there is to it? He empowers, and guides? I accept and grow?

I don’t think so. At least not in our relationship.

I think my husband needs me to support him more,

to trust him,

to treat him respectfully.

(I will talk more about respect in another post. Maybe I will title it, “Wow! If my husband said half the disrespectful things I said…” or “Am I the pot or the kettle?”)

If I were to show my support, trust, love, and respect in him, I could truly empower him.  He could grow into an even stronger leader.

Yes, I understand that we are all human, we all make mistakes.  There are going to be times when he makes mistakes.  What matters, is that he hold himself accountable for these mistakes and learn from them. I can’t do this for him. I can’t shove the mistakes in his face each time and say, “I told you so,”

(But I really was right about that garbage issue. Junky the squirrel has been back every day, and has gnawed a hole in our garbage can. It’s a burden being right all the time. )

But what good would it do?

If he is willing to be our leader, the least I can do is support him, fully, with unconditional trust and love.

No “I told you so’s”, and no disrespectful, eye rolling comments.

As he grows, he will learn that my support is not going to go away. When he makes mistakes, he will continue to learn from them, because his pride won’t be hurt by my attacks.

This is my responsibility to him – empowering him, building him up to be the strong, powerful, leader and protector of our family. I have just as big a responsibility as he does.

WE EMPOWER EACH OTHER.

In different ways, and through different approaches.

But neither is any less important than the other.

Thanks for reading!

*** The author was given a very sound “discussion” after writing this post, for having a tantrum over something quite silly. Hubby had broken into her brand new gluten free pretzels, and let the kids snack on them.

As she held her bright red bottom in her hands, sniffling, he explained that speaking respectfully about her precious GF snack, would have been accepted much easier. 

“Oh, my loved ones, whom I adore.  Please eat those normal pretzels from the second shelf instead. Mommy needs the GF ones so her tummy won’t look so plump,”

Would have been a lot better than,

“Mine, mine, mine! You can’t have ‘em! They are my precious! Give them back, give them back!” (along with some accentuated foot stomping)

Afterward, she remembered to thank him, and even apologized for the little freak out.

And he told her how much he appreciated her respect. ***

The new cool new DD Anthology I just read!

Coming-to-Terms-3D

I just read a very good DD Anthology, and thought I would share it here.

Since I am a self proclaimed Spanko, an avid reader of all things spanking related, and a DD’er, myself, it kind of makes sense to give this awesome book a shout out.

Congratulations to all the authors. Gals, you did a great job with this book. I hope you get together again for more of these.

The anthology is called “Coming To Terms”, and includes short stories from the following authors:

Sue Lyndon, Cara Bristol, Alta Hensley, Jade Cary, Celeste Jones, Anastasia Vitsky, and Renee Rose

I am attaching my review, below, in the hopes that more people will hear about this awesome anthology.

*****************

I was so excited to read this anthology, knowing that some of my favorite authors were in this book.

The stories all centered around one main theme, Domestic Discipline, and spanking as one of the tools.

It was so much fun to read all the different stories; each author’s descriptive, yet fictitious explanation of how DD is different for each couple. No couple does it the same, as was shown in these stories by these 7 fantastic authors.

Sue Lyndon’s Confession Time, focused on a young couple’s brand new DD journey.  After only a few weeks of doing DD, Lucy requested that James start doing maintenance spankings.  He agreed, acknowledging that this would help further build their level of trust and communication.   This was a great story, which also had some wonderful sex scenes.

Wife on a Lam, by Cara Bristol, was a very entertaining, light hearted story about a wife who goes off on her own vacation after she feels snubbed by her husband’s lack of Anniversary attention. Poor Janelle is bombarded, not only by guilt, but also the attention of a very annoying cowboy. I found that hilarious!  Her husband, Brent had a few surprises up his sleeve, and followed after her, which was a lot of fun!  When they finally reconnected, Janelle willingly submitted to a much needed, guilt alleviating, discipline spanking. I really enjoyed this fun little story.  And I will definitely think twice before vacationing without my husband.

In This Moment, by Alta Hensley, a couple goes on a mini vacation, badly in need of reconnection and quality time together. Caine and Neely have not done DD in a while, and Neely misses this component. I loved reading her gentle confrontation to Caine. She explained how she missed his spankings and the connection that they felt through DD. This was very beautifully done.  It also gave some good insight about the importance of communication in any relationship.

Days With You, by Jade Cary, was a very emotionally intense story about a widowed woman, Diana, remembering the love of her life, her deceased husband, Val.   These memories were beautiful and intense; sometimes I laughed, sometimes I cried. The DD memories were very well done, and showcased Val’s dominance and passion along with Diana’s strength. There was a very pleasant surprise twist at the end, which left me refreshed and eagerly awaiting the next story. (I truly hope Jade does a second story to follow this up)

In Reconnecting, by Celeste Jones, A determined husband, Reece tries to reconnect with his wife, Daisy after losing so much of her attention because of work and online social media.  After reading this fun story, I looked at my own activities and assessed whether or not I was giving my own husband enough attention. Very clever public service announcement written in the form of spanking fiction. I liked how Reece did not impose his will on Daisy, but rather, used tools like spanking and communication, to enable her to open her own eyes to what she was doing to their relationship.  Very well done.

One delightfully, intimate story, Tomorrow, by Anastasia Vitsky, continues the journey of two women named Kat and Natalie. In their continuing story, Kat and Natalie were still trying to work out the kinks in their relationship, especially remembering the injuries they had both sustained in the past. It was very easy for me to connect with Kat; her guilt over past events, feelings of burden, wanting Natalie’s structure, yet still wanting to be an independent and respected adult woman. I could feel her confusion and anger at times.  The story takes on a lighter note, when they vacation at a huge theme park. This was very well done. I loved the overwhelming emotions. But it didn’t make the story too heavy to read. It was done just right. It also made me want to go to our nearest theme park.

My favorite story was Spank and Run, by Renee Rose. I loved the combination of DD, structure, boundaries, and eroticism. It was so well written. Claire was a strong woman, looking for an equally strong man, who would respect her and love her; but wouldn’t be afraid to turn her over his knee if she was hurting herself.  But she also longed for the eroticism found in spanking.  I really connected to Claire, and enjoyed her ability to ask for what she wanted even though it was a little embarrassing for her. This story showcased DD as something that could be helpful in a relationship, but also could be very erotic. Coming from a DD background, I appreciated seeing both sides written so well.

The whole book was fantastic! I loved reading the different dynamics, approaches and components of DD.  Every relationship was different. There were intimate connections, reconnections, spankings for discipline, maintenance, and fun. The sexual scenes were tastefully, yet erotically done. I really enjoyed it.

4.5 stars for Coming to Terms

http://www.amazon.com/Coming-to-Terms-ebook/dp/B00CS7XLNQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369613325&sr=8-1&keywords=coming+to+terms

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/coming-to-terms-alta-hensley/1115305108?ean=2940016498324

How much harder is it for him?

superman

How much harder is it for the HOH?

I had another moment of clarity this morning.

(Of course, it was about 3 am – when I had been doing a lot of great intellectualizing. Hehe, I bet that’s not even a word. But since it is 8 pm, and not 3 am, I am going to keep it. It sounds cool)

I have been whining off and on for the past few weeks;

  • Hubby doesn’t understand my needs.
  • He hates spanking me.
  • He must not respect me, since he is not reading my blog posts. (Come on, the post with the author of the western brothel, was one of my wittiest- it was very entertaining! *insert pout*)
  • He is not consistent (I have been getting away with faaaaaaar too much spending this past few weeks)
  • Yaddi yada, whine, pout, etc…

Then I finished a review for a spanking romance, in which the roles were reversed for a very short amount of time. (By the way, this main character was also a lady of the night. And I loved it! I’m not sure what that sais about me, besides the fact, that I might have a desire to spice up my own night life a bit more 🙂  ) Sorry, I lost my train of thought for a moment. Next time I am going to write the post at 3 am, when it originally comes to me.

I lay in bed thinking about the role reversal, and was adamant that I, unlike the heroine from the story, could do a much better job being in charge.

HA!

Who the heck was I kidding?

I tried to picture the “walking a mile…” scenario. Guess what, I couldn’t do it any better. In fact, given my proclivity to over-reaction and hyper sensitivity, I would probably be a horrible HOH.

(But I do have a Napolean complex. At 5’2, 108 lbs, that has got to be good for something, right?)

I tried to look at it from his perspective, analyzing some of the difficulties he faced in the HOH scenario.  Here is the brief list I came up with.

 1.  I was asking him to do something he was not comfortable with. Yet he was still willing to oblige me, because he loves me.

 2.  I was asking him to read my mind and body language, even though communication is not one of his best suits. Even straight talking can be uncomfortable for him.

3.  I reminded him not to top with too much emotion (especially anger)

4.  But I became resentful when he did sessions too robotic or without enough emotion.

5.  Sometimes, I asked him to make me cry, and take me further than he was comfortable taking me. So he did his best, working through HIS discomfort, finally calling a stop when he thought I might get hurt. (as it turns out, I don’t cry during “discussions”. Ironic, eh? That will be explained further in another very interesting post about crying)

6.  I would ask him not to stop, even though he could see it was getting very painful for me, and I was wincing or crying out, or shimmying all over the place. That must be very difficult to do to someone you love.

7.  I placed my complete trust in him to stop before it was too much. That is a pretty big responsibility for him.

 8.  I still wanted an equal partnership based on trust and mutual respect, yet I would sometimes “brat” to get his attention. (ok, more than just sometimes )

 9.  And I expected him to accommodate my sexual needs in addition to, as well as my spanking needs. (Nothing like adding a little performance pressure to an already stressful situation)

Holy cow! When I think about the intense amount of pressure I have put on this man, I am speechless!

Well, loss of speech actually does not come to me very often. Usually, I just come back with a very dumb quip, or a retort that would have made sense, three comments earlier.  Thank goodness for the age of online writing. Now I can eloquently articulate my thoughts, and may even remember to delete this part later.

But the point is, I am very thankful for my husband, my lover, my HOH, my friend.  I have been asking a lot of him, by asking him to do all of this. And he has been working pretty hard at it. (Of course, since I am the Subject Matter Expert, I will probably always see ways for him to improve )

But maybe, just maybe, I could try to cut him a little slack. He is making tremendous progress with on the spot corrections. (Hello! He swatted me in front of his cousin, last weekend!) And he is getting better at addressing me when I start losing control.

And to be perfectly honest, if he had just taken charge and jumped into an authoritative, “I’m gonna spank you whenever I want, little girl,” demeanor, I might have been a little scared.  In this sort of relationship, maybe slow and easy is a good way to go.

Besides, the maintenance, and AFTER maintenance sessions, are becoming very enjoyable – for both of us. *insert evil grin*

Thank you to my hubby, for putting up with me through all of this. I appreciate your efforts. And I dang well know, 100%, there is no way I could do your job. The HOH is too difficult a job for me. It’s all yours.

I may even stop topping from the bottom.

Well, maybe a little. 🙂

* special note – hubby read and gave his approval for this blog post. He even decided on the awesome pic seen above. (It was either that, or a funny pic of a really frazzled guy. I can understand why he chose the Super Man – he is one!) *