Tag Archives: emotions

Why do I write?

Why do I write?

 

I’ve been pondering this question for a few months, while trying to work through some emotional issues and stressors.

My original premise was:

  • I write to work through life issues and desires
  • To daydream
  • Hehe, for lack of a better term, “to boldly go” where I have never gone before
  • To make the thousands of different voices and dreams and “stories”, quiet down. If I could just get them on paper, maybe my mind would feel a little less chaotic. Plus I like the idea of reading my crazy stories on paper. 😉
  • To tell a story no one has ever told

Hmmm, since this seems to be more and more difficult to do…

  • To retell a story with my own creative twists

And lastly,

  • To feel alive

fantasy book mage

 

Words, stories, music, drama (not the kind on social media, LOL. The kind where two opposing characters meet, and work through their differences in sometimes, the noisiest, yet most beautiful imagery.)…

It all awakens me. It gives me purpose. It builds me up. Words and music fill my cup, break me down, build me up.

Stories (both written and on screen) give me hope when I have none. They make me feel beautiful, even when I feel I am not. They give me strength to push through another day, and make that one count.

I think that’s why I prefer Disney stories and shows / movies with cheesy, sentimental endings.

The Princess Bride, Ella Enchanted, Never Ending Story, Frozen, Chronicles of Narnia, Seventh Heaven, High School Musical, pretty much all Cinderella movies, Maleficent…

They all bring me joy. ‘Happily ever afters’ make me feel like anything is possible.

This is why I write. I write to connect with my soul, my passion, my energies, and hopefully, with others.

 

imagination

It’s 9:30 am, Sunday morning, and this is the first time I have felt clear minded enough to articulate my thoughts in a good while, so I’m typing them down as quickly as I can, before I lose my clear moment.

For those who don’t know; I am staying away from social media for a while until I can get my emotions and life back in control.

A good friend blessed me by suggesting I craft and do what made me happy. So I’m knitting and making scrabble tile jewelry. (And as crazy as it sounds, I am cleaning!) I’m also purging the house, little by little, to get rid of all the “junk” we don’t need.

I’m hoping to start writing again soon.

Good Lord, you would not believe the killer stories I have mostly written, plus the new ones that are floating through my head!

They are so different and amazingly crazy- LOL, I know, I should probably try for a few less “out there” stories. But these are the ones my creative side keeps bringing to the table.

And this is one of the reasons I write.

  • I write to embrace my crazy, creative side.

Anyone else? Why do you write?

 

Thanks for stopping by. I’m off to knit. (I’m almost finished with my daughter’s birthday blanket. I started it in September. Hehe, her birthday was in October 🙂 )

 

 

The Emotional Side of The Coach’s Discipline

coachsdiscipline cover

Hey friends! I am at Adaline Raine’s place today, showing a bit of the emotional side of my new story, The Coach’s Discipline.

I know I usually do fun and sexy, or spanky, but I really wanted to show the other side of my baby. The emotions that fueled this story.

Please stop by if you get the chance. Here’s her link 🙂

http://brattyadaline.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-coachs-discipline-you-are-not-your.html

And later, I’m hosting Constance Masters, as part of the Corbin’s Bend Blog Blitz!

Busy day!

🙂

SRR – Round Table Discussion – After Care

round table blank graphic

 

This is a great topic, and I’m so glad Renee Rose brought this up.  Thanks to Renee and Spanking Romance for hosting. 🙂

Aftercare is very important to me, as a reader an author, and as a DD’er.

It’s very important, sometimes even more crucial than the punishment itself – at least for me, anyway.

I am a sensitive (ok, hyper sensitive and over emotional) woman. I internalize every look, every comment, every action. I am a people pleaser, and the thought of displeasing someone, especially my HOH, hurts me greatly. (I should have also mentioned over-reactor in my list of attributes ).

 

Aftercare, is a necessary transition from the punishment to the closure that I need with my husband.

When he punishes me (usually in the form of a strict spanking), I know it is different than a sexy or fun spanking because of my guilt or my hurt over his displeasure. There is nothing sexy or fun about the punishment.

It hurts.

My bottom aches.

My heart aches.

 

But when it’s all over, he covers me with his body, like a warm blanket.

He holds me until I stop shivering and shaking.

His warmth envelopes me, and makes me feel loved.

I feel his forgiveness as it seeps into me, and I am finally able to release the guilt and forgive myself.

 

Now here is where it gets tricky. Do you know when I start crying?

During the aftercare.

I don’t usually cry during a punishment, no matter how upset I am; no matter how agonizing the belt feels lashing onto my poor backside; no matter how awful the strike of the Lexan.

I have had shaking, hiccupping sessions, where I have cried without tears. But have not very often cried real tears.

The care he gives me, when he spoons against me, or holds me against his chest after an over the bed spanking; when he is soothing me with his presence, with his warmth, and his love- that is when I finally break down the last piece of resistance.

Then I cry. I release all the tension, the guilt, everything. And I know I am loved.

 

This is what aftercare does for me in my real life.

It is crucial to my emotional well being.

And I am blessed that he gives me this care after each and every session.

LOL, I’m not even sure if I answered any of the questions, but this is where my heart led me on this topic, so I went with it. 🙂

Thanks for stopping by!

Have fun visiting the other bloggers and authors who have joined in the hop, and please join in the discussion by replying below. I love chatting! 🙂

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The Alpha Man and His Dirty Wife

Hehe, I had to use the fun play on words for this one. Enjoy!

 

shovel in dirt

Ok, I know I complain (whine?) every once in a while about my husband not being empathetic enough to my emotions, not being “Spanko” enough, not appreciating Disney movies for their beauty and great story lines, and catchy lyrics and tunes. (I love kids’ movies. I happily admit it.)

Hubby doesn’t quite share my joyful exuberance when the evil step mother gets her just desserts, and the heroine wins (with or without a hero by her side); he doesn’t understand my need to cry when I emote, and he does not yet understand how to “stroke” me. (Hehe, not that kind of stroking.)

My ego and my emotions are very closely dependent on his affirmations.

For example, the other day, I greeted him at the door and proudly exclaimed (for the whole neighborhood to hear),

“Look honey, I vacuumed the welcome mat.”

(The really super awesomely mud caked mat outside our front door.)

He hugged me, took a quick look, and replied,

“I can’t tell.”

To be perfectly honest, the carpet still looked dirty, because of the clay and mud stains. But what he hadn’t seen was how dirty it was BEFORE I cleaned it.

 

Seriously, it hurt my feelings.  😦

He was supposed to gently stroke my ego, and tell me how proud he was of my efforts; and if he absolutely felt the need to give constructive criticism, it should have been something along the lines of,

Oh, my sweet girl. You make me so happy. I’m so proud of you. Would you like a nice back massage and spanking later? Oh, and by the way my dear little domestic engineer, did you miss a few spots, or was it just extra dirty, and I can’t tell? Either way, I love you and appreciate you. Now, how about that good girl spanking?”

🙂

See, that would have been more in tune with my emotional needs at the time.

But no, I am married to a logical, intelligent, less emotive man who takes things at face value.

He’s my opposite.

LOL, it usually means I have a few hurt feelings, and he gets confused by my emotions.

 

But these past two weekends have been eye openers for me. Maybe I am married to the right man after all.

It all began with a little dirt…

Hubby decided to level the ground in our front yard. This means, he worked up a brilliant plan to dig out a bunch of dirt, place 4×4’s (or were they 4×6’s? I don’t know. They were big, long pieces of wood. J ), in the dirt, making a square around our tree, hammer them down into some sort of concrete dirt, and then fill everything back in with dirt and mulch.

He measured and cut, and dug, and used a cool little thing on a rope that told us how far off the levelling was, based on where the cute bubble landed. He even explained the whole engineering process to me.

Something about,

Bleh, bleh, back face… higher by 12 inches to accommodate the 2 inches in the front… bleh bleh, dig… bleh bleh… make it all even.”

I thought I was in a Charlie Brown show. Wah wah, wah

After ten minutes of him trying to explain the overall process to me, with me still not getting it, I finally told him where he was going wrong.

I am not a long term visualizer. I can’t just see things out of nothing. I am more of a recognizer than a re-caller, and I don’t understand mechanical or engineering terms.

Just put me to work. Tell me what to do – exactly how you want it done, and I will happily do it. But please don’t explain the process to me. I won’t get it until it is done,” I told him.

So he put me to work. I dug dirt, held the bubble measuring thingy, and told him when it was off; I hauled bags of mulch; I stained the wood.

I even got tools for him – after he specifically told me which ones.

FYI, the circular saw with the GREEN handle is much different than the round looking saw that is attached to a huge piece of heavy metal.

(Like I would have known that. Hehe. They were both round!)

 

It took us two long weekends. But we did it, and I actually enjoyed it.

I preferred to submit to his direction. Heaven knows what I would have done if left to my own devices.

The reason I am bringing all of this up, is because during our fun, dirty weekend together, I also got a chance to watch the neighbor’s husband do some yard work.

He complained the whole time, about wanting a condo, washed his hands every few minutes, and here’s the funniest part.

He squealed and backed away when I offered to show him the new worms and caterpillar his daughter had dug up while playing in the dirt with me and my daughters.

I thought it was hilarious when he almost turned green and bolted for his house.

But hubby swatted me on the booty, and quietly reminded me,

Not everyone enjoys the outdoors”.

“All husbands are different, but will attempt to give their wives what they want and need.”

 

I retorted,” I bet HE would tell me how clean the welcome mat looked.”

 

Hubby agreed, and also pointed out that neighbor hubby would probably hire someone to do the landscaping.

But I wanted to help,” I whined. “I like getting dirty! I like it when you tell me what to

Oh!

light bulb

This led me to my final realization.

I can’t always have it both ways.

I still need emotional affirmation and support. But if it comes down to a choice between

flowery words of empathy and love

Vs.

manual labor, getting dirty, and Alpha man taking charge

I’ll take the Alpha man.

Besides, I can still go to my girlfriends for emotional stroking.

Here’s the newly landscaped tree.

I helped!

yard work leveling, close-up