Tag Archives: funny

The Family that laughs together…

I wasn’t planning on posting anything today, but we just had another memory moment in the Deane household.

My eight year old had taught herself how to make frozen ice’s from juice and soda today, and wanted to make me one.

So I pulled out the big ole honkin’ jug of green vegetable V-8 juice, shook it rapidly, and placed it on the counter after loosening the lid, so she could pour my ice cup easily.

Then I went to start her bath water.

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. 😉

I came back, picked up the container of what I am now calling “mean, yucky green stuff that should not be in certain parts of my body”; started shaking

hehe, it went everywhere when the cap flew off.

All over the counter and crock pot

it doused my hairy in green stuff

it went down the front of my sundress.

Yes, it was everywhere.

My eight year was shrieking with laughter as her little face reddened from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard.

My ten year old, came over shook her head, and gave me her patented “I’m almost a teenager” look of sarcasm / pity.

My husband came down, and tried not to laugh.

“It’s okay, you can laugh,” I muttered and ran water in my eye. Yes, it was in my eye!

He laughed.

I laughed. We all laughed.

And hubby even offered to clean up the mess while I took a quick shower.

I like that about my family.

Even though we get busy, or frustrated, or distracted from the important things, we can always find something to laugh about together.

(Usually, it’s me. But hey, what’s the point of being boring. I like to entertain people.)

Notes to self from this afternoon:

  1.  Always make sure the lid is tightly screwed on before shaking anything.

2.  Put this scene in a future book. People like a good laugh 😉

 

hugs and laughs ❤

 

Lucky Leprechauns, Sexy Euphemisms, and Dirty Truck Talk – a real interview with Aubrey Cara

 

Aubrey Cara’s in the hot seat.  We are having a good old fashioned, fun, slightly inappropriate at times, interview about her brand new book, Taming Kat. 😉 It all started when I read the scene where Caleb nicknamed Kat’s most private part, his lucky leprechaun…

 

Katherine Deane: So Aubrey, let’s get down to business.

The leprechaun- Lucky little bastard that hoards gold or the red headed stepchild of the hoohah?

Aubrey Cara: Did you just say red headed stepchild of the hoohah?

Katherine Deane: Inquiring minds want to know.

Aubrey Cara: I um…well–

Katherine Deane: And in all fairness, why didn’t Caleb get a nickname?

Aubrey Cara: Caleb or his penis?

Katherine Deane: His penis

Aubrey Cara: hooha, penis fly trap, and leprechaun weren’t enough horrible euphemisms in one book?

Katherine Deane: I’ll see your hoohah, penis fly trap, and leprechaun, and raise you a spam javelin, womb ferret, and a Just-in Beaver.

Aubrey Cara: Just-in Beaver? That is brilliantly horrifying. I, um—I suppose I’ll see your spam javelin, womb ferret, and Just-in Beaver and raise you a liquid gold miner, Texas Momba, bald-headed yogurt slinger.

Katherine Deane: Bwhahaha, Okay, okay, enough with the penis talk already. You  distracted me so much, I don’t know what I wanted to ask next! So let’s move on to the issue of the truck. So…. Caleb giving Kat his truck for a few days. That’s a pretty big step for a dude, especially, a Texan, right? You know in some cultures, they would be considered legally married at this point.

Aubrey Cara: It’s true. The Right Of The Truck, or TROFT for short, has resulted in numerous unwitting marriages. I’m hoping to spread awareness. Also, circling a barn with a man, especially a rancher, can and will lead to pregnancy. A rancher’s sperm, much like their truck, tend to ‘get the job done’. If you know what I mean.

Katherine Deane: aaaand now we are back to penis talk again. Seriously, how big is Caleb’s stroker kit?

Aubrey Cara: <holds hands up to an impressive, if not intimidating width>

Katherine Deane: I bet he reeeeeeally knows how to use the ol’ Master / Slave Cylinder. Hehe, has Kat ever blown his tranny?

Aubrey Cara: More than once, and in great detail.

Katherine Deane: Um, okay I was trying to talk about truck euphemisms, and you completely discomfuddled me. How about we talk about safewords?

Aubrey Cara: Do I need a safeword?

Katherine Deane: No, I’d like to be serious for a minute, and stop jawing about peni’s. (Penis’s? What the heck is the plural form of penis , anyway?) Why did Kat safeword during their talk? They had the miscommunication, he had already loaned her his truck for Gawd’s sake. Didn’t she trust him to safely discuss her feelings?

Aubrey Cara: Poor girl had no idea she’d already taken a big step by driving the man’s truck. 🙂 At the moment she safewords having any type of discussion would have been too exposing. She was feeling broken and vulnerable. Caleb is 100% Dom, but he always respects a sub’s prerogative to safeword. Kat (unfortunately for her poor posterior) uses this against him, the silly girl.

Safewording out of a convo with a man that has a penchant for spanking you is never a good idea. Saying you’re sorry often involves a sore bottom.

Katherine Deane: I totally get that.

Aubrey Cara: A sore bottom?

Katherine Deane: Mmmm, yeah, sore bottoms are lovely. What were we talking about again?

Aubrey Cara: Safewords It’s important to be with a man that you know will respect your safeword.

Katherine Deane: Ohhh, like if he chooses Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in pig latin? Probably not a good sign, eh?

Aubrey Cara: That is a good indicator you’re with a man that is not going to respect your safeword. Also, if he doesn’t ask you for one, and then when you tell him yours he shrugs, and utters a noncommittal, “Okay,” or “Baby, safewords are lame,” or “That’s nice”. That’s never a good sign.

Katherine Deane: Ooh, ooh, ooh, I got a good one! If your guys says your safe word is “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” hehe

Aubrey Cara: After you’re tied he’s suddenly all, “Me no hablo ingles”.

Katherine Deane: Como se’, WTF?!

Aubrey Cara: <snorts> Definitely a bad sign!!

Katherine Deane: Well, I totally enjoyed talking about Caleb and Kat; penis’s; spankings; and the worst safe words in the history of D/s

Aubrey Cara: I’m forever grateful no one had to cry Fluggaenkoecchicebolsen during the course of this interview.

Katherine Deane: in pig latin!

Aubrey Cara: (LOL)

Katherine Deane: So, what’s next? Mimi seems like she should get her own story.

Aubrey Cara: Yes, Mimi and Mason, who both play small roles in Taming Kat will be getting their own book. It’s due out early spring. (I’m revising right now)

Katherine Deane: Jackpot!! That means we can have another interview! (rubs hands together and inserts an evil Muwahahaha)

Aubrey Cara: I will be brushing up on my euphemisms, so come prepared.

Katherine Deane: Challenge accepted, worthy adversary of peni puns.  Thanks again for chatting with me 😉

Aubrey Cara: Thank you for having me!!

 

Excerpt:

He whipped her towel off. She squeaked as he set her ass on the edge of the counter, splaying her thighs wide. He could already see the moisture at her apex. “I love your cute little pussy.” He reached down to spread her wetness over her opening, thrusting his fingers inside to watch her head fall back on a moan. “All smooth, but for a little fluff on top. I love the little tuft of red hair at the top, like it’s my own little leprechaun. I get lucky every time I rub it.” He could feel her muscles clamp down and squeeze his fingers as he worked them inside her.

 “You did not,” she panted, “Just.. call..my pussy… a fucking lepreahhh—” The rest of what she would have said cut off as he leaned down to take her clit in his mouth, sucking it in before gently biting down. He was rewarded with her shriek. Her hands pulled his hair as her channeled spasmed on his fingers. Her honey poured over his hand as she came.

Taming-Kat-Big

Blurb:

Moving halfway across the country to work part-time at a ranch had been a rash decision on Yankee, city girl Kat Martin’s part. She understood that. She had just needed to get away from her pesky mom and older sister telling her what she should be doing with her life. She had no idea her bold move was going to put her in daily close proximity to her one and only one-night stand, Caleb McCrae.

Kat may not know what she wants to do with her life but she does know she needs to stay well away from sexy neanderthal Caleb, who had strutted into her life and ripped her pants off.

Caleb is officially done with military life and is ready to settle down. He’s bought a stake in the ranch he grew up working at and is building a beautiful house. Now all he has to do is wrangle the one that got away. Kat Martin has been haunting his thoughts and steaming up his dreams ever since she skipped out on him after one of the hottest nights of his life. She may be giving him the cold shoulder now, but he knows just how to heat her up.

Warning: Contains one crystal ball reading mama, one gal with commitment issues and a sassy mouth, and one cowboy that believes his belt was meant for more than holding up his pants.

 

Buy now:

AMAZON    AMAZON UK   NOOK  BLUSHING BOOKS ARe SMASHWORDS

 

 

 

Katherine stalked by Anne Welch and her houseboys

After a long night of reading, Katherine Deane awakens to a frightful surprise. A woman with crazy eyes and a maniacal grin holds duck tape in one hand and an “It’s not stalking if it’s your neighbor” mug in the other.

“Anne Welch, is that you?” Katherine rubs her bleary eyes and groans as she props herself up.

“I’m here for my promotion post, Katherine.” Anne smiles and hands her the mug. “It’s fully loaded.”

“Thanks, I could use come caff—“ Katherine’s eyes water as she chokes on the drink. “Is that pure vodka?” she sputters.

“No, there’s a teaspoon of coffee somewhere at the bottom.”

“At least there’s some caffeine,” Katherine mutters, taking a ginger sip. “Okay, um, you know you could have just emailed me your promo.”

“Why would I do that?” Anne says, waving a hand. “Besides, I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t back out.”

“Is that what the duck tape is for?” Katherine eyes the bright pink tape in Anne’s hands, warily.

“Nah.” Anne laughed. “Unless you need more incentive.”

“I’m good, come on, let’s get this show on the road,” Katherine grumbles and shuffles for her bedroom door.

“You’re real perky in the morning.” Anne laughs.

“That’s just because it’s cold in here, and I’m not wearing a bra, Anne.” Katherine mutters.

“Only you could pull off such an awesome ensemble,” Anne says, pointing to Katherine’s red tank top and Wonder Woman boy cut briefs.

“By the way, I brought some houseboys along.” Anne says as she pushes Katherine out of her bedroom.

“Oh! Hold on. Let me grab my push up bra, then we can get started!” Katherine shouts, sprinting back into her room excitedly.

“Works every time.” Anne grins and twirls the duck tape around her wrist.

*****

Author Bio

Anne grew up in a very small town in South Carolina, where as a kid, she always loved to read books, make people laugh and write songs. After having success in her home state she decided to pursue dreams of becoming a writer and moved to Nashville, TN.  When she’s not writing you can find her reading or searching for a husband.  She loves spending time with her friends, nieces, nephews and her two fur babies.  She enjoys making people laugh so if you would like please feel free to follow her on Twitter @merri_aw or on Facebook.com/itsanannething. Or drop her a line at itsanannething@yahoo.com.  She loves hearing from her readers.

It's_An_Anne_Thing_Cover_for_Kindle

 

Blurb:

 From my early days, I’ve enjoyed good-looking guys and making people laugh.  So combine stalking hot guys and keeping the cutest ones for houseboys with my quick wit and you have “ It’s An Anne Thing.”

Read about some of my real life shenanigans and laugh. If I put a smile on your face, I’ve done my job.

Excerpt:  Hot Neighbor

A few years ago I built a house in the country and my next door neighbors consisted of a homely couple in their 50’s and an old man in his 70’s who insisted on wearing only spandex shorts while doing yard work. Trust me when I say this is something that can’t be unseen. A wrinkly old man with his wrinkled junk on display and he insisted on doing this outside of my window. I know he was probably just trying to win my affection but I want a man who doesn’t have to use the little blue pill to get it up.

Buy link for Amazon

…………………………

Thanks for stopping by, and visiting! Anne Welch was kind enough to share a picture of her houseboys! 🙂

Congratulations on your brand new book, Anne!

Here’s the houseboys 🙂

houseboys

 

Spank A-Z Challenge, P: Phallic Statements and Pictures

spank A2Z

Welcome back for another fun day of alphabetical blog posting!

Today’s letter is “P”. I had my brain all geared up to talk about panties, thanks to some good friends.

But at the last second, my brain,( as it often does) turned to the silly side of things; Freudian slips, phallic statements in jokes and  pictures.

What’s really interesting about it, is the fact that I often don’t catch myself doing it until someone has pointed it out to me. Then I get quite the laugh.

My new favorite activity I engage in with my husband is “That’s what she said” ing. LOL, he gets quite tickled by my attempts at being cheeky. And sometimes, they even make sense.

But I didn’t always use to be so on top of things.

 

I still have vivid memories of my fellow (most of my after college running friends were male at the time) runners trying to teach me how to spit properly.

They were quite tickled when I explained to them, that I was no good at spitting, so I just swallowed.

That one took a few minutes.  What?

(I liked this memory so much, I used it in my current WIP )

🙂

I also created quite the uproar with my fellow military Officers.

One morning, they were all sitting around complaining about an Officer Candidate that had gotten fatigued from yelling and marching; and had subsequently, fallen out of formation.

I was quick to jump in for the poor kid.

“Ok guys, one time when I was at band camp..

(btw, I had not heard of ‘American Pie’, and could not figure out why everyone kept laughing at all my band camp memories. Yes, I had a lot of them 🙂 )

I saw a girl fall out while playing her trumpet and marching. Yeah, she blew so hard, she passed out.”

(insert 8 big guys falling on the floor, laughing while tears run down their faces)

“Seriously, it really happened. She just wasn’t getting enough air.”

(Insert a few f-bombs and even more loud guffaws)

“It’s not funny!”

“Why are you laughing so hard?”

🙂

Good Lord, hehe, if I knew half the things I know now…

Sorry, it’s part of what makes me, me. 🙂

Naivety, speaking before thinking, and an innocent assumption that everyone around you is your friend. (A few dear friends used to call me Pollyanna because of this. I didn’t even mind too much : ) )

Now that I am 41 (wait, almost 42.), I am gaining a bit more maturity. I understand a lot more than I did fifteen years ago. But I still speak before I think.

And I still, for some reason, can make most everything into a silly or sexual statement- sometimes purposefully, sometimes not.

But at least now (with my age and wisdom ), I can tell what everyone is laughing about a lot quicker!

🙂

*

My MC, Claire is an awful lot like this.  Here are a few of her “moments”.

(Partner Resistant Exercise. She is helping Nick stretch)

She couldn’t quite reach him, so she placed her leg in-between both of his.

When he gave her an odd look, she said, “I thought it would be easier if I straddled you. But you’re kind of wide. Would you prefer me to come from behind?”

The women snickered, and Nick’s eyebrows rose over his sunglasses.

*

“Would you. Like to come in? I have some fresh spanked cookies. Baked! I meant baked cookies!” She felt her face heat, but continued to jabber. “I didn’t mean spanked – not like I could use a wooden spoon on them,” she laughed, “But I did use a wooden spoon, to stir them.” God, could she be any more embarrassed? She closed her eyes and waited for the ground to swallow her up.

Nick took her chin into his palm and slowly raised her to meet his gaze. “Are you inviting me in for spankings and sex, Claire?” he said quietly with a twinkle in his deep brown eyes.

“No!” she squeaked, “I mean no, I prefer to dream about my spankings at night. ” She felt her cheeks redden even more. “I mean, I watch them in movies. Not that I watch a lot of spanking movies. Oh god, I didn’t mean that I watch movies, with… ugh.” She fidgeted with her ponytail.

“Well, if you change your mind, all you have to do is ask.” He smiled and tapped her nose.

***

Here a few pics I really like, hehe 🙂

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/chillsner-set-of-2/1042276777?device=c&network=g&matchtype=&mcid=PS_googlepla_nonbrand_winebar_&gclid=CjkKEQjw8YSdBRChhPXJvPvMztABEiQAkn893t8IJBxVtH2maf42K9MIjBtuXrPKL1tEkzLt1W-Ftj3w_wcB

Beer chiller from Bed Bath and Beyond. Is it just me, or does that look like a…

 

 

Taken from the old game show “Catch Phrase”. This one is hilarious. Best one ever!

 

 

phallic puppy

hehe, it’s a puppy!

 

 

phallic orange peel

And this one is an orange peel, hehe.

 

accidental-penis-fail-baseball

and this is why I don’t like baseball. too many uniform violations

 

accidental-penis-fail-bike

hehe, someone needs an air pump

*****

Okay, that’s all I have for today. 🙂

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