Tag Archives: growth

Welcome 2016 – personal post :)

Happy New Year, friends.

2015 was a very interesting year for me. Lots of great moments with friends and family; two new books that pushed me as an author and let me try some new things; we bought land and explored and camped on it; amazing books read; traveling and meeting new author friends… Yes, it was fantastic.

Then, there were some not so great moments — family health issues, depression and anxiety, marital and family challenges… Ugh, some of the moments were rough, and definitely fed off each other.

But that year is over.

 

making mistakes

And now it’s time to start a new one, filled with new memories and great moments. Will they be the same as last year?

Some will, yes. Like the health issues of a dear family member.

But some moments will change- like how my family and spouse and I interact with each other.

Why?

Because we have all changed. We are all growing. Learning. Adjusting our reactions based on our experiences.

Hubby and I have backed off from a lot of the points I most looked forward to in our DD relationship. (yeah, that would be the spankings 😉 )

But he is still, the Head of our household.

Though we are all emotionally and physically (beyond) fatigued, we have discussed and agreed upon the fact that we need to find some reconnection time together.

It might be like a few days ago, when we were preparing (AKA- frantically cleaning the house so people didn’t throw up when they walked in the door) for friends to come celebrate New Year’s Day with us.

The kids were outside roller blading, and I was scrubbing three day old (we should probably stick with that number, right?) dirty pots.  He was putting dishes away from the dishwasher, and came upon the black plastic spatula.

I didn’t even have to bend over. I knew that look. It was only 60 seconds, over my yoga pants. But it was heaven. The front door opened, and little skates could be heard on the hard wood floor in the hall. So we stopped, grinned, and continued our business. It was pretty cool to have that nice little secret between us again.

He reminded me that I could not wear yoga pants and an old Army t-shirt for our company. (In my defense, this was a lunch / dinner, and I wanted to be comfy 😉 )  But I agreed, and found a loose fitting hobo skirt instead. I guess it did feel good to dress up a little and socialize with people.

So…

What does 2016 bring to the table?

I don’t know.

My goals are:

  • to write three books. One of them is a fairy tale I have been dying to do for a few years now. (Because I love this character and her story. And because I really like fairy tales. They are a nice fantasy and quick, inexpensive escape)

 

  • to get rid of all the clutter in my house, and get it ready for when we decide is the right time to move out to our new land.

 

  • to enjoy my moments – even the not so great ones.

 

  • to reconnect with my husband (maybe even celebrate our anniversary at some point. LOL, it was in September)

 

  • and finally, to keep my eyes open. I might not like what I see, but I will learn from it.

And grow.

 

Happy New Year, friends.

Blessings, hugs, and especially…

Happy Spanks!

 

 

Thankfulness 2013- The Bully Effect

bullying xed out

Today’s post may be a little deeper than I had originally intended, but bear with me please. I want to talk about something that is important to me.

It’s the topic of bullying.

We hear about child bullying, and the devastating impact it has on its young victims.  But what we don’t often hear about is adult bullying.  It actually happens more often than we realize.

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Here are some general types of adult bullies:

(Taken from Bullyingstatistics.org)

  1.  Narcissistic Adult Bully – Self-centered and not sharing of empathy. Feels good about self when putting others down.
  2. Verbal Adult Bully– Uses sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate someone. This can lead to emotional and psychological stress and / or depression.
  3. Impulsive Adult Bully – Spontaneous acts, and unplanned bullying due to their own personal stress.

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Bullying is so damaging to the soul.

I know because I was bullied by someone very close to me, as a child. And again, recently by an adult from the same social and professional circle.

It took me a long time to get over the pain and humiliation; the feeling of worthlessness, the embarrassment of knowing that I was not strong enough to confront these actions; the hopelessness that I had no value because of the demeaning and condemning treatment of this bully.

But I am posting today with a thankful heart, and a strong voice.

self worth woman green meadow

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  •  I am not worthless.
  •  I will not allow myself to be put down by someone else’s words.
  •  I am a woman of strength and value, and will choose to accept what comes into my heart.
  •  I choose whether to take unacceptable, degrading words from another; or to walk away – it is my choice, and this cannot be taken from me.
  •  I choose to believe in myself.
  •  And I choose to speak up.

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Bullying, no matter the form: Verbal, nonverbal, child, adult, man or woman – IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!

I am NOT thankful for the bullies in my life, but I am thankful for receiving the gift of growth from these events.

*****

self worth beach woman

*****

After taking time off from the groups I had been so afraid to reenter, I learned that I was stronger than I had ever given myself credit for.

I made friends– true friends who accept me for who I am (quirky flaws and all 🙂 ).

I learned that I have a voice, and I can make it heard.

I learned to set boundaries for acceptable and not acceptable behavior.

And finally, I learned not to be ashamed to ask for what I want or need.

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hope strength love

*****

Asking my husband for a stress relief spanking, is a lot easier now that I understand the validity of my needs.  Sometimes, it’s embarrassing to be vulnerable. But I have finally realized that vulnerability towards a loved one, especially my spouse, does not make me less of a woman.  It doesn’t define me.  And with the strength that I am slowly building, I am becoming more and more comfortable speaking my mind and voicing my concerns.

*****

I am thankful for the growth and healing – that has come from these painful events. I am thankful for the scars. They don’t define me. I define myself.

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stay strong no bullying

Thanks for listening!

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Here are a few more pics that I found. I hope you see one that you like.  If you have any other great pictures or links about this important topic, please share.

Blessings, love, and safe community!

-Katherine

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noone can make you feel inferior

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say out loud love and no bullying

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self-esteem lots of diff colors

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Update:

After I finished this post, I went online to search for a bit more about adult bullying.

Here are a few other interesting links.

http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/adult-bullying.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sue-scheff/adult-bullying-harassment_b_4256954.html

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/bullying/adult-bullying

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/adult-bullying-and-how-to-stop-it-.html

http://www.themercury.com.au/news/tasmania/today-tassie-takes-a-stand-wear-blue-and-say-no-to-bullying-and-add-your-name-to-the-list-below/story-fnj4f7k1-1226727938287

Here is a really cool charm bracelet that I found!

http://www.antibullyingpledge.com/

Empowerment – A one man job?

we can do it

Empowerment – The giving of an ability; enablement or permission (www.dictionary.com)

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way.  If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

 

People seldom do things to the best of their ability.  They do things to the best of their willingness.

 

Approach the start of each day with one goal and end the day with one word: DONE!

(www.everydaylifelessons.com)

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Today’s post is something I have been thinking about a lot.  But until recently, I couldn’t put it into words.

How could I say the following?

  • that I had been searching for a way to better myself as a wife, mother, and woman, without negating my uniqueness
  • that I wanted to be self sufficient, but sometimes needed to be able to trust another to help me.
  • that I wanted to be pushed, but not shoved,
  • encouraged, not belittled.
  • sheltered, but not imprisoned.

I went around in circles trying to define what I was looking for in my relationship, until one day it hit me.  The one word I was looking for.

Empowerment

My desire is to be the best I can be, using education, life experiences and (hopefully, some day…) maturity.  I want to do this on my own, but have found that sometimes I need outside help.  I depend on my HOH, AKA hubby, to help me succeed. And even though it stings my pride to ask for help, I know this is the right move for me.

While I am a strong, intelligent woman capable of making her own decisions, sometimes I need him to help me.

He can either lead me through the moment,

or he can talk me through it, get me started, and give me a push.

(Sometimes, this involves a quick swat or two on the rear end).  Depending on the situation, either can work.

When we first started DD (just over a year ago), I envisioned hubby forcing me out of bed, spanking me if necessary, and taking command of every facet of my life. I quickly realized this was not what either of us wanted. I still wanted to make my own decisions, live my own life. I just needed help getting started, or thinking things through.  Yes, I needed his guidance and strength, but not for EVERY choice I made.  Thankfully, he had already figured this out, and waited patiently for me to come to the same conclusion.

I have been having a lot of problems getting myself into the habit of waking early for a morning run. While it makes sense, and is easier to run before the heat and humidity kick in, I still can’t force myself out of bed.

Last week, he did something he had been doing frequently, yet I had never paid any attention.

Until this time.

He empowered me.

I had already missed two morning runs that week, was cranky, depressed, and letting everyone around me feel this in full force.

Hubby understands that this cycle hurts me. I get angry and lash out.  Then I feel guilty, which makes me depressed. He helps me out of these occasional bad cycles with a release spanking, a discussion about how I can do better, or a combination of both. (This is probably why he started calling our sessions, “discussions”)

This last time, he started with a series of questions for me.

“When are you going to run tomorrow?” (“6:30 am”)

“What time do you need to get up to accomplish this?” (calculated morning hygiene. I hate running with morning breath. Eeeew. “6:20 am”)

“What time does this mean you will need to get to sleep?” (Took into account the amount of time it will take me to fall asleep after punching pillow, and grumbling at hubby for snoring.  “10:30 pm”)

We walked through the whole scenario until I had a definitive course of action for the night and the morning. It was perfect! (Well, as perfect as it can be, when you still know you have to wake up at o-dark thirty)

The point is, he helped me make my own decision.  He empowered me.  He didn’t take over, and bulldoze me into a decision. But he did lead me through the proper questioning.

(Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed worrying about the end result, I can’t think through the steps to get me thereIt helps to have that little push.)

He enabled me, by giving me questions to answer. I figured out how to achieve my end goal, and put the plan into action.

I had a great run, felt strong, and empowered –  I felt good about myself.

Now, my HOH could have quite as easily, dictated my actions for the evening and morning.

But would it have helped me?

Would I have felt as good about myself, if I had just followed blindly?

I might have still gotten the run in, but it probably wouldn’t have helped me get through the whole week. Yes, slap on the back time. I made it the rest of the week on my own, without any prodding. 🙂

With that being said, there are times I really do need him to pull rank, and just call the shots. Sometimes, I forget to eat a meal, and I get reeeeeeeeeally crabby and mean.  At this point, he just shoves some food at me. We talk about it later.

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed, and start over-emoting. We call that a tantrum.  I am using no respectful communication, and am probably stomping my foot a little. Once again, this time just calls for decisive action on hubby’s part.  A quick little scolding and bottom warming in the bathroom, is usually all it takes to get me thinking clearly again.

 

So empowering turns out to be a very important responsibility for the HOH. But is that all there is to it? He empowers, and guides? I accept and grow?

I don’t think so. At least not in our relationship.

I think my husband needs me to support him more,

to trust him,

to treat him respectfully.

(I will talk more about respect in another post. Maybe I will title it, “Wow! If my husband said half the disrespectful things I said…” or “Am I the pot or the kettle?”)

If I were to show my support, trust, love, and respect in him, I could truly empower him.  He could grow into an even stronger leader.

Yes, I understand that we are all human, we all make mistakes.  There are going to be times when he makes mistakes.  What matters, is that he hold himself accountable for these mistakes and learn from them. I can’t do this for him. I can’t shove the mistakes in his face each time and say, “I told you so,”

(But I really was right about that garbage issue. Junky the squirrel has been back every day, and has gnawed a hole in our garbage can. It’s a burden being right all the time. )

But what good would it do?

If he is willing to be our leader, the least I can do is support him, fully, with unconditional trust and love.

No “I told you so’s”, and no disrespectful, eye rolling comments.

As he grows, he will learn that my support is not going to go away. When he makes mistakes, he will continue to learn from them, because his pride won’t be hurt by my attacks.

This is my responsibility to him – empowering him, building him up to be the strong, powerful, leader and protector of our family. I have just as big a responsibility as he does.

WE EMPOWER EACH OTHER.

In different ways, and through different approaches.

But neither is any less important than the other.

Thanks for reading!

*** The author was given a very sound “discussion” after writing this post, for having a tantrum over something quite silly. Hubby had broken into her brand new gluten free pretzels, and let the kids snack on them.

As she held her bright red bottom in her hands, sniffling, he explained that speaking respectfully about her precious GF snack, would have been accepted much easier. 

“Oh, my loved ones, whom I adore.  Please eat those normal pretzels from the second shelf instead. Mommy needs the GF ones so her tummy won’t look so plump,”

Would have been a lot better than,

“Mine, mine, mine! You can’t have ‘em! They are my precious! Give them back, give them back!” (along with some accentuated foot stomping)

Afterward, she remembered to thank him, and even apologized for the little freak out.

And he told her how much he appreciated her respect. ***