Tag Archives: humorous

The Family that laughs together…

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I wasn’t planning on posting anything today, but we just had another memory moment in the Deane household.

My eight year old had taught herself how to make frozen ice’s from juice and soda today, and wanted to make me one.

So I pulled out the big ole honkin’ jug of green vegetable V-8 juice, shook it rapidly, and placed it on the counter after loosening the lid, so she could pour my ice cup easily.

Then I went to start her bath water.

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. 😉

I came back, picked up the container of what I am now calling “mean, yucky green stuff that should not be in certain parts of my body”; started shaking…

hehe, it went everywhere when the cap flew off.

All over the counter and crock pot

it doused my hairy in green stuff

it went down the front of my sundress.

Yes, it was everywhere.

My eight year was shrieking with laughter as her little face reddened from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard.

My ten year old, came over shook her head, and gave me her patented “I’m almost a teenager” look of sarcasm / pity.

My husband came down, and tried not to laugh.

“It’s okay, you can laugh,” I muttered and ran water in my eye. Yes, it was in my eye!

He laughed.

I laughed. We all laughed.

And hubby even offered to clean up the mess while I took a quick shower.

I like that about my family.

Even though we get busy, or frustrated, or distracted from the important things, we can always find something to laugh about together.

(Usually, it’s me. But hey, what’s the point of being boring. I like to entertain people.)

Notes to self from this afternoon:

  1.  Always make sure the lid is tightly screwed on before shaking anything.

2.  Put this scene in a future book. People like a good laugh 😉

 

hugs and laughs ❤

 

Sex and Writing

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Hey y’all! Cara Bristol is hijacking my blog for the day, so I can get some biiiiiig stuff done. 🙂 Thanks, Cara. Take it away!

Sex and Writing

A quickie for those bi-curious about writing

By Cara Bristol

 

Erotic romance authors use words to write about sex. But what if we used sex to describe writing?

 

Foreplay – Writing exercises or rituals that get you into the mood to write.

Ejaculation – Sending the completed manuscript to an editor or agent

Premature ejaculation – Sending the manuscript too soon, before it’s polished and ready.

Oral sex – Talking about writing, rather than actually doing it.

Polyamory or ménage –Working on multiple manuscripts at the same time.

Bi-curious, bi-sexual –Writing in two different genres or subgenres.

One night stand – Sneakily writing something other than the manuscript you should be working on.

Infidelity – Same as a one night stand, only it lasts longer and can result in the abandonment of the original manuscript.

Bondage – Contractual obligations to write a book.

Discipline – Having a regular writing schedule. Writing when you don’t feel like it.

Orgasm – Getting a book contract, a royalty check, or an email from a fan.

Getting fucked – A drive-by one-star review.

Quickie – A short piece of writing.

Libido – The desire to write.

Dysfunction – Writer’s block

Making love –Writing something that brings you great pleasure

 

Author Bio

Cara Bristol is the author of Naughty Words for Nice Writers, a Sexual and Spanking Thesaurus and 17 erotic romance novels and novellas. She’s been published by as Loose Id, Decadent Publishing, Blushing Books, and Black Velvet Seductions. She is best known for her Rod and Cane Society domestic discipline erotic romance series and the Breeder sci-fi erotic romance trilogy. She holds a B.A. in journalism, but took several human sexuality classes in college because she thought they would be easy As. (Two were, one wasn’t). Married with two grown step kids, Cara lives in the sunny state of Missouri where people often look askance when she tells them what she does for a living.

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Naughty Words for Nice Writers Blurb

If you’ve struggled to find the right tone for your romantic sex scene, stared at the computer for 15 minutes trying to come up with the perfect verb, become stymied because some terms are too crude while others are too flowery, or found yourself reusing the same words over and over, Naughty Words for Nice Writers, A Sexual and Spanking Thesaurus can help you break through those barriers. Cara Bristol, the author of 17 erotic romances, has written a guide to help you find the erotic words to write a sex scene that sizzles.

Naughty Words for Nice Writers is packed with more than 1,200 usable, functional synonyms geared for romance, erotic romance, and erotica. Included are 28 different “erotic word lists” such as male and female anatomy, foreplay, orgasm, specific sexual acts and kink, sexual noises, spanking terminology, and much more. The guide offers suggestions on how to write a sex scene and how to tighten your writing so it sings.

With an emphasis on verbs, this guide will help you “show” the intimacy between your characters rather than tell it. Whether you’re writing a “fade to black” scene or a graphic and explicit one, Naughty Words for Nice Writers will give you the words.

Naughty Words for Nice Writers is available in paperback, ebook, and PDF (for your laptop or tablet).

 

Naughty Words on Amazon – Paperback and Kindle

 

Barnes & Noble – Paperback and Nook

 

PDF on All Romance

 

NaughtyWords600x900

Spanking A-Z Challenge, F: The Forbidden F Word

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spank A2Z

 

Welcome to the next installment of the Spanking A – Z Blog Challenge.

Today’s letter is “F”. Warning, I am talking about a 4 letter word today.

 

The F word

 

This 4 letter word is one that I really despise.

I find it crass and dirty.

Lots of different people use it though.

Much to my chagrin, when in front of my young children – the neighbor boys.

The men who sometimes play basketball with my husband.

Military environment definitely called up a lot of “F words”.

It’s everywhere!

But one place I feel it most definitely does not belong, is in romance books.

 

Picture this:

 

A husband and wife during an intimate session.

He has warmed her up thoroughly with a wonderful, long, hard spanking on her bare bottom.

He plays with her peaked nipples; pinching, licking, sucking.

He then claims her hard and fast, pumping aggressively into her as she moans in delight.

 

Taking her to the edge of the bed, as he stands next to it; he flings her legs over his shoulders, going even deeper into her hot, wetness.

She looks into his eyes as she breathlessly murmurs her approval.

“Oh God, Oh my God, Yes! Yes!”

She presses her bottom toward him, and clenches the mattress.

With every bit of passion and energy that has consumed her, she releases the dreadful F word.

(just click “open”)

 

The mortification on her face is evident.

“Sorry honey,” she sputters, and tries to keep the momentum going.

She releases another F%$&, and groans in embarrassment.

 

 

I love realism in the fiction I read; but too much reality can really be a buzzkill.

😉

Hope you enjoyed.

 

The F word that should never be used in Romance

 

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