Tag Archives: husband

Husband or Daddy – What’s the difference?

Gah! We had another rough morning  in the Deane household – getting the kids out to door for school.
My ten year old had a headache and slight nausea and wanted to stay home.
I’m the softy that will always accept the excuses, and told her,
“Okay, baby, let’s just rest, and we’ll do our school work from home.”
(she did have a slightly elevated temperature, though)
But The Heavy put his foot down.
Explained we don’t always feel well, but we still have to do our job.
Told her to do the best she could, but to have the teacher call us if she did actually puke.
😦
Hubby is always good like that.
He enforces the 8:30 pm bed time rule, when I would happily keep watching Superhero cartoons with the kids til at least 9 pm.
(Young Justice, Lab Rats, Justice League Unlimited… they are so awesome!)
He doesn’t take “I don’t feel well” for an excuse to stay home.
And last night, he called out “Stranger Danger”, when I went to answer the door after dark.
LOL, who does that?
(But I hadn’t thought twice, thinking it could have been a neighbor.)
It was actually strangers, selling carpet cleaning. I’m glad I stopped and let him answer. 😉
Hubby also lets me know when big / bad things happen in the world, so I don’t have to listen to the news.
He’s a good daddy.
To all of us.
Even though we are not in an AP relationship, he definitely has the stern, matter of fact, right from wrong, easier isn’t always best attitude, down pat.
And that’s what a daddy does, right?
Yesterday, he even gave me a couple of swats for being a good girl and finishing a ton of laundry.
He’s a good hubby, and a good daddy, and very good at being The Heavy.
We complement each other.
Sometimes, I complain about him not getting me, and not having that much in common, but somehow, we fit.
We work together.
And that is a very good thing.
He’s Heavy.
I’m soft.
It’s just like chocolate and sea salt. You wouldn’t think it would work, but it does. 🙂
I’m off to iron and catch up on some quick (much needed) housework, while both kids are at school.
Hopefully, my daughter won’t get sick at school. I don’t want to “I told you so” hubby that badly.
❤ Hugs and spanks

You are Big Ivy and Little Ivy- It’s okay to be both.

Here’s a sneak peek at my new Age Play Holiday novella, We Need a Little Christmas.  It’s part of a box set co-written with the awesome Abbie Adams (whose birthday is today!). J

I chose a tender scene to showcase. Ivy is struggling with her thoughts and reactions to her new little side. But Jack is there to help her through it…

 

“I  think what upset me the most today, was how I reacted,” Ivy mumbled into his chest. “I really over-reacted, and took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.” He kissed her forehead.

 

Wrenching away, she pulled back with tears in her eyes. “No, it’s not. I got upset  and took it out on you because I wanted to go into Little mode. It was a  crisis, and I just tried to hide. I thought this was supposed to be a good thing, letting myself be… I don’t know, young?” She wrinkled her nose. “But that makes it a crutch, right?” Her fists tightened as she  crossed her arms around her chest. “I know all about unhealthy coping  mechanisms after watching my mom.” She burst into tears. “This is unhealthy  escapism. If I can’t turn it off, how can I be the real me? How can I be who  I’m s’posed to?” Her face crumbled and sadness clouded her features. More  tears washed down her face. “I even sound  like a little girl.” She whined and grimaced, burying her head into his  lap.

 

“Sweetie, it’s okay.” He stroked her head and held her until she stopped crying.  “Sit up. Look at me, please.” Her pitiful gaze met his. “I’m probably not going to say this right, but let me try.”

 

She  sat up and straightened her back to meet him, her body radiating nervous  energy. 

 

“You’re special. You make things really fun and interesting, even when you don’t try to. You are beautiful and sexy and smart, and I love arguing with you about politics, because you don’t take any shit from me.” He smiled and kissed her cheek. “You’re also strong, capable, a warrior in heels with a leather briefcase big enough to carry a dead body.”

 

That got her laughing.

 

“You’re also exuberant, full of life, gregarious, and you sing off key.” He winked when she pretended to be offended. “You know every single Disney song and movie by heart. You make me feel young. Your energy brings me to life when I’m grumpy and tired.”

 

She sniffled and her eyes glistened.

 

“I  know this past year has been hard for you. But the you I see is a lot of different things. You are big and you are little. They’re combined. And I think you’d be doing yourself a huge disservice if you tried to turn off something that is such a big part of you. You are Big  Ivy. You are Little Ivy. It’s okay to be both. I love both.”

 

 

 

 
BLURB:
Thirty-three year old, Ivy Henry seems to have it all. A well-paying job, a new house, and her wonderful HOH/husband, Jack. At her request, they had incorporated Domestic
Discipline into their marriage a few years ago and she flourished under his
love, guidance, and support.
But, this year’s holiday season is wreaking havoc on their calm relationship. Between the stress of work and hosting this year’s Christmas Eve party for all
the family, Ivy is becoming more and more out of control. To top it off, she has a secret she can’t share with Jack.
Their relationship is wonderful but she wants more—a chance to explore her younger side. Ivy desires to do Age Play but is fighting her needs because it is embarrassing. How can she trust Jack not to laugh when she tells him she wants to curl up on his lap at night and call him Daddy?
Jack has been watching Ivy slip away emotionally for the past year. His beautiful, sweet wife is now always angry and ill tempered. DD just doesn’t seem to be cutting it any longer. He can tell she is unhappy, but doesn’t know how to help her until the day he finds her chat sessions on her computer. Discovering hope again, he begins to make plans to escape from this stressful holiday. He will introduce his precious Ivy to her new daddy—him. They both need to reconnect
and they both need a Little Christmas.
 
Coming Tuesday, Dec 15, 2015
Thanks for stopping by!
 

SRR – Round Table Discussion – After Care

round table blank graphic

 

This is a great topic, and I’m so glad Renee Rose brought this up.  Thanks to Renee and Spanking Romance for hosting. 🙂

Aftercare is very important to me, as a reader an author, and as a DD’er.

It’s very important, sometimes even more crucial than the punishment itself – at least for me, anyway.

I am a sensitive (ok, hyper sensitive and over emotional) woman. I internalize every look, every comment, every action. I am a people pleaser, and the thought of displeasing someone, especially my HOH, hurts me greatly. (I should have also mentioned over-reactor in my list of attributes ).

 

Aftercare, is a necessary transition from the punishment to the closure that I need with my husband.

When he punishes me (usually in the form of a strict spanking), I know it is different than a sexy or fun spanking because of my guilt or my hurt over his displeasure. There is nothing sexy or fun about the punishment.

It hurts.

My bottom aches.

My heart aches.

 

But when it’s all over, he covers me with his body, like a warm blanket.

He holds me until I stop shivering and shaking.

His warmth envelopes me, and makes me feel loved.

I feel his forgiveness as it seeps into me, and I am finally able to release the guilt and forgive myself.

 

Now here is where it gets tricky. Do you know when I start crying?

During the aftercare.

I don’t usually cry during a punishment, no matter how upset I am; no matter how agonizing the belt feels lashing onto my poor backside; no matter how awful the strike of the Lexan.

I have had shaking, hiccupping sessions, where I have cried without tears. But have not very often cried real tears.

The care he gives me, when he spoons against me, or holds me against his chest after an over the bed spanking; when he is soothing me with his presence, with his warmth, and his love- that is when I finally break down the last piece of resistance.

Then I cry. I release all the tension, the guilt, everything. And I know I am loved.

 

This is what aftercare does for me in my real life.

It is crucial to my emotional well being.

And I am blessed that he gives me this care after each and every session.

LOL, I’m not even sure if I answered any of the questions, but this is where my heart led me on this topic, so I went with it. 🙂

Thanks for stopping by!

Have fun visiting the other bloggers and authors who have joined in the hop, and please join in the discussion by replying below. I love chatting! 🙂

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The Alpha Man and His Dirty Wife

Hehe, I had to use the fun play on words for this one. Enjoy!

 

shovel in dirt

Ok, I know I complain (whine?) every once in a while about my husband not being empathetic enough to my emotions, not being “Spanko” enough, not appreciating Disney movies for their beauty and great story lines, and catchy lyrics and tunes. (I love kids’ movies. I happily admit it.)

Hubby doesn’t quite share my joyful exuberance when the evil step mother gets her just desserts, and the heroine wins (with or without a hero by her side); he doesn’t understand my need to cry when I emote, and he does not yet understand how to “stroke” me. (Hehe, not that kind of stroking.)

My ego and my emotions are very closely dependent on his affirmations.

For example, the other day, I greeted him at the door and proudly exclaimed (for the whole neighborhood to hear),

“Look honey, I vacuumed the welcome mat.”

(The really super awesomely mud caked mat outside our front door.)

He hugged me, took a quick look, and replied,

“I can’t tell.”

To be perfectly honest, the carpet still looked dirty, because of the clay and mud stains. But what he hadn’t seen was how dirty it was BEFORE I cleaned it.

 

Seriously, it hurt my feelings.  😦

He was supposed to gently stroke my ego, and tell me how proud he was of my efforts; and if he absolutely felt the need to give constructive criticism, it should have been something along the lines of,

Oh, my sweet girl. You make me so happy. I’m so proud of you. Would you like a nice back massage and spanking later? Oh, and by the way my dear little domestic engineer, did you miss a few spots, or was it just extra dirty, and I can’t tell? Either way, I love you and appreciate you. Now, how about that good girl spanking?”

🙂

See, that would have been more in tune with my emotional needs at the time.

But no, I am married to a logical, intelligent, less emotive man who takes things at face value.

He’s my opposite.

LOL, it usually means I have a few hurt feelings, and he gets confused by my emotions.

 

But these past two weekends have been eye openers for me. Maybe I am married to the right man after all.

It all began with a little dirt…

Hubby decided to level the ground in our front yard. This means, he worked up a brilliant plan to dig out a bunch of dirt, place 4×4’s (or were they 4×6’s? I don’t know. They were big, long pieces of wood. J ), in the dirt, making a square around our tree, hammer them down into some sort of concrete dirt, and then fill everything back in with dirt and mulch.

He measured and cut, and dug, and used a cool little thing on a rope that told us how far off the levelling was, based on where the cute bubble landed. He even explained the whole engineering process to me.

Something about,

Bleh, bleh, back face… higher by 12 inches to accommodate the 2 inches in the front… bleh bleh, dig… bleh bleh… make it all even.”

I thought I was in a Charlie Brown show. Wah wah, wah

After ten minutes of him trying to explain the overall process to me, with me still not getting it, I finally told him where he was going wrong.

I am not a long term visualizer. I can’t just see things out of nothing. I am more of a recognizer than a re-caller, and I don’t understand mechanical or engineering terms.

Just put me to work. Tell me what to do – exactly how you want it done, and I will happily do it. But please don’t explain the process to me. I won’t get it until it is done,” I told him.

So he put me to work. I dug dirt, held the bubble measuring thingy, and told him when it was off; I hauled bags of mulch; I stained the wood.

I even got tools for him – after he specifically told me which ones.

FYI, the circular saw with the GREEN handle is much different than the round looking saw that is attached to a huge piece of heavy metal.

(Like I would have known that. Hehe. They were both round!)

 

It took us two long weekends. But we did it, and I actually enjoyed it.

I preferred to submit to his direction. Heaven knows what I would have done if left to my own devices.

The reason I am bringing all of this up, is because during our fun, dirty weekend together, I also got a chance to watch the neighbor’s husband do some yard work.

He complained the whole time, about wanting a condo, washed his hands every few minutes, and here’s the funniest part.

He squealed and backed away when I offered to show him the new worms and caterpillar his daughter had dug up while playing in the dirt with me and my daughters.

I thought it was hilarious when he almost turned green and bolted for his house.

But hubby swatted me on the booty, and quietly reminded me,

Not everyone enjoys the outdoors”.

“All husbands are different, but will attempt to give their wives what they want and need.”

 

I retorted,” I bet HE would tell me how clean the welcome mat looked.”

 

Hubby agreed, and also pointed out that neighbor hubby would probably hire someone to do the landscaping.

But I wanted to help,” I whined. “I like getting dirty! I like it when you tell me what to

Oh!

light bulb

This led me to my final realization.

I can’t always have it both ways.

I still need emotional affirmation and support. But if it comes down to a choice between

flowery words of empathy and love

Vs.

manual labor, getting dirty, and Alpha man taking charge

I’ll take the Alpha man.

Besides, I can still go to my girlfriends for emotional stroking.

Here’s the newly landscaped tree.

I helped!

yard work leveling, close-up

Promo post – Emmaline’s Groom by Casey McKay

Emmalines Groom

I am so excited!!

Casey McKay’s new historical spanking romance has just come out, and I cannot wait to read it!

She is here today to tell you a little bit about her new book! Enjoy!

 

 

Thanks for having me Katherine! I came to share a little bit of Emmaline’s Groom with you and your readers.

In this part, Leo has promised Emma a punishment for an earlier transgression. She knows it is coming, but she still puts up a fight.

 

 

  “I understand why you were angry and I will not blame you if you cannot forgive me,” she told him in a rush.

            “I can forgive you. I love you, Emmaline.” He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her so tenderly she felt tears return to her eyes. “Even if I have to take you over my knee every day to correct your behavior, I will never stop loving you.”

            She snatched her hand back from his and narrowed her eyes. Her tears were gone as she squared her shoulders to him. “That is not going to happen.”

            He chuckled at her response and she realized her was teasing her. He nudged her to her feet and she stood standing in front of him. He pointed to the strap on the floor.

            “Bring it over to me.”

            She crossed her arms across her chest. “Leo!”

            “You have consequences coming. Do not argue with me. I do not mind talking with you about your punishment, but you will not talk your way out of it, ever. Is that understood?”

She had the urge to stamp her feet. He was not going to give in and she knew it, but she did not have to like it. She did not answer his question, but turned and did as he asked. She placed the strap in his outstretched palm.

            “Take off your robe.”

            “No, I-” She shook her head and tried to step back out of his reach, but he grasped her wrist.

            “It was not a question,” he said as he tugged her closer and easily flipped her over his knee.

            The breath pushed out of her lungs as she found herself hanging upside down, Leo’s hands pushing her robe up her back, baring her backside to him for the second time that day. She jerked forward at his stinging slap and let out a yelp in surprise.

            “In the future, you will comply the first time I ask something of you.” He punctuated his sentence with another firm smack. She braced herself, placing her hands on the floor in front of her as he spanked her. The sting crept along both cheeks, leaving them feeling warm from the inside out. It was not a completely terrible feeling, and she was reminiscent of the first time he had spanked her and what that had led to.

            She felt her middle moisten in anticipation, she surrendered her body to his punishing blows, lifting her hips back to meet him. He paused and rubbed his hand over her stinging bottom, this is what she had missed that morning. He pulled her up and placed her on her feet in front of him again.

            “Now, take off your robe,” he said again.

 

Blurb:

Emmaline Lawford, the youngest daughter of an English Marquess, is intended to marry. Though to whom might be up for debate. Her older brother, Samuel, has his sights set on marrying her off to a Duke. Emmaline finally accepts her fate, until a breach in etiquette finds her back in the arms of the man she truly loves.

 

Leo Colston is stunned when Emmaline is thrust back into his life. He had resigned himself to the fact that he would never marry the woman he loved. Now they are taking hasty wedding vows and being urged to move to America, where they can leave the talk of scandal behind them.

 

Emma and Leo realize settling into marriage is not going to be as smooth sailing as they thought. As they try to work out their differences and get used to living in close quarters Emmaline finds herself in trouble with her new husband on more than one occasion. Leo’s favorite way to end an argument is to take his lady over his knee and spank her bare bottom until she submits. Emma thinks he should just give in to her womanly charms. Who will win this battle of wills?

 

Emmaline’s Groom is a stand alone book, but is also the first book in The Ravenswood Manor series.

 

This book includes spankings, graphic sex, and anal play, and more. If any of this subject matter offends you, please do not purchase this book.

 

Buy Links:

Amazon

Amazon UK

 

Spanking Round Table – Domestic Discipline

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I have been eagerly awaiting this month’s round table discussion on Domestic Discipline!

In fact, I have been so excited to share my journey and thoughts on DD that I waited until the last minute to write my post! It wasn’t that I was procrastinating. It’s just that there were so many possible things for me to talk about.

*****

I could have talked about my initial fears of being unaccepted, or laughed at when I explained my needs to my husband.

I could have talked about my need for the grey area between DD and sexuality.

I could have very intimately explained, how close we came to divorce, because of our fights and poor communication at the beginning of our DD journey.

I even thought about talking about the difference between fantasy and reality in our DD relationship.

But each of these sub topics will be saved for another day.

Because I had a few defining DD moments with my husband this week.  And in my desire to keep my posts real, I’m going to share these moments with you instead.

*****

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If I were asked to describe Domestic Discipline a few years ago, I would have said,

“The HOH (in my case, it is my husband) takes charge of the family, and his wife.  He makes the decisions; he leads by example; he makes rules; and he punishes (spanks) when the rules are not followed.”

There you go.

Cut and dry.

My DD expectations in a nutshell.

To be led

To have rules

And to be held accountable

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As we both grew into our roles, we both realized that neither of us needed a tough, rulemaking, no “if’s and or but’s” dictator.

I thought I wanted him to make tough decisions for me.

I thought I wanted him to force me to bend to his will.

I thought I wanted rules- lots of rules—with consequences! (Spanking consequences, of course).

*****

As it turns out, I am aroused by many of his spankings.  It sometimes is a sexual thing for me.

So it has made it difficult to blur the lines between sexy and authoritative.

But after a year and a half of tweaking, we have finally found a rhythm that suits both our needs.

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I have learned that he needs my respect and love as much as I need attention.

If I want his attention in the form of a spanking, I need to ask for it.  If I brat and manipulate my way into a spanking, it makes us both feel badly.  The spanking has not served its purpose- to bring us closer together.

Sometimes, I need a quick attitude adjustment, though.  I tend to get hypoglycemic (and veeeeeeery ornery) when I don’t eat on time.

We don’t have many official rules. Mostly, we stick to the D’s (Disrespect and dishonesty being the two biggest.)

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Last night, hubby came home to me frantically trying to keep noodles from bubbling out of the pot, sauce from messing up the whole kitchen, and coaxing the little people to “try it, you’ll like it”.  (My many talents do not include food preparation, unfortunately. 🙂 )

I was crabby, unfed, and frazzled. And he was over ten minutes late!

I refused to look at him or acknowledge him with more than a quick grunt, and an “about time” muttered under my breath.

He hugged and greeted the kids, turned off the stove, and said, “Mommy and I will be right back”, and led me (grumbling the whole way about burnt pasta being on his conscience) into the bedroom.

After deciding that I did not have a good reason for my attitude, he bent me over the bathroom sink, and gave me 5 of the hardest swats he has ever given me.

This gave me something to think about.

  1.  He had totally been holding back during all those other hand spankings. These swats actually HURT! And they were over my jeans. Heaven forbid, he had pulled them down, like he sometimes does.
  2. He has come a long way, since that first, “Am I hurting you?” spanking.

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He explained that he didn’t appreciate coming home to a crabby wife that wouldn’t even hug him or tell him that she missed him.

I almost cried.  He has grown over these past few years, with respect to his communication. What would have been a grunt and a “back away quietly into his man cave”, became a quick articulation of his feelings.

This snapped me out of my funk.  I hugged him and apologized for being so mean and disrespectful to him.

We walked out and finished making dinner. He dished up my bowl, and commanded me to

“EAT.”

He even kept the little bitties engaged, so I could eat in peace. Yes, I shoveled gluten free pasta and ground beef with sauce faster than you can say, ‘Jack Sprat ate no fat’.  And in a few minutes, I felt better.

I was very thankful for his help in this. A few years ago, I would have pushed and pushed, until we were both miserable.

All it took was a quick spanking, a hug, and some loving communication.

*****

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We had another defining DD moment, 30 minutes later.

I had lain down to snuggle with my sweet little angels, before bedtime, and decided it was so nice and comfy, that I would remain after they left.  Even though it was only 7:15 pm, I was willing to stay there, wrapped up in warm blankets, pretending to snooze for the rest of the night.

But hubby didn’t let me.

He made me get up!

LOL, I have always wanted to pout and complain about my hubby “making” me do something, but the truth is, he has never actually “made” me, or forced me to do anything in my life.

Even the few times, I have acted like I have not wanted a spanking, I willingly went over his lap.  It was a façade of non-consensuality.

Everything we do in our relationship is consensual.

So when he came into the bedroom, and saw me still snuggled in bed, even though my snuggling counter parts had already left for their own beds, he hugged me and announced,

“Ok, it’s not time for bed yet.  The kitchen still needs to be cleaned up. Then you can relax for the night.”

Several years ago, I would have told him where to shove the dirty dishes, informed him he was a grown man, and told him that he should take care of the &!% kitchen himself!

But to be perfectly honest, I agreed to take on the role of home duties, and even asked him to hold me accountable for its upkeep. Several weeks earlier, I had even begged him to not let me leave the kitchen dirty at night time. It stressed me out to wake up to a pile of dirty dishes and old food.

And to his credit, he held firm. I have had three nights where I have just not felt like doing my task, and he has nicely called me on it.

One night, when I was sick, he mentioned that he would let the kitchen duties go for the night because I was not feeling very well.

My feminist friends would have had a field day with this! They would have hollered about equal rights and said that he should have gotten off his lazy *ss and done the kitchen himself. And a few years ago, I would have agreed with them.

But now, I am at a point, where I like the stability of having our set roles. I like my roles. I like knowing that he cooks on the weekends (Hallelujah, decent food finally!). I like knowing that I have duties that need to be performed. I like having consequences.

Guess what the biggest consequence is to my cleaning up the night before?

  • I feel better about myself.
  • I am happier and less stressed in the morning.

I like rules and consequences- they make me feel safe.

*****

If I were to leave the kitchen messy for longer than a day (due to sickness or any other good excuse), he would step in, and take over the task.  But I have asked him not to, unless absolutely necessary.

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This is for one big reason. It empowers me. These accomplishments energize my soul.

He has never made me do anything I did not want to do.

But he does empower me to:

  • Stop and think
  • “Pull up my bootstraps”
  • Work to the best of my abilities
  • Fulfill my duties

His strength is my strength.

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Though I may complain about him every once in a while, because he is still rather vanilla, and has to be reeeeeeeally coaxed into trying new things, (bedroom things, spanky things, new implements…).

I appreciate him, and his willingness to journey with me.

Domestic Discipline is not for everybody.

There are many different ways to embrace the lifestyle.

Our journey is our own, and will keep changing as our lives change.

Sometimes, I still fantasize about rules and dominance and my HOH talking to me like a Dom. But I am happy with the path we have followed and the progress we have made.

This is our DD life.

I’m happy we could share it with you!

*****

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Ok, now that I’m done with my post, I need to get to the ironing!

Mean old hubby is MAKING me iron his work shirts. 😉

He even spanked me last week, when he had no unwrinkled shirts in his closet! (The horror!)

I’m going to ask him for another spanking tonight!

But first, I’ll go iron a few shirts 🙂

Happy spankings!

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If you haven’t already checked out the fantastic introduction post by this month’s host, Corinne Alexander, head over, and check it out!

And here is the link for the other awesome posts! Enjoy!

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Thankfulness 2013- DD, Hubby, and Life – Unscripted

thankful hubby _I do

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I had a wonderful, sentimental, gushy post (mostly) ready to go this morning.

 It was about my husband of fifteen years, and the recent start of our DD journey.  And though it was a little ‘over-kill sweet’, I was still prepared to go with it.

All it needed was a little editing, and then I would post it. 

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I kissed hubby and the kids, and waved to them as they left for school. (They have started chanting “Bye, mommy, we love you!” as they drive away.  It’s silly and fun, and it totally starts my day off on a great note!)

But my day of tweaking, planning and blog posting was short lived, when our minivan decided to fritz out on me.  I had to take it to the dealership, after the “check engine” and “image of a car swerving down the road” lights went on.

So I drove twenty minutes to the dealership.

Where I sat.

And waited.

For three hours!

(Luckily, I had the foresight to ask them to drop me off at the nearest book store, which made my waiting a bit more comfortable)

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Then I went back to the dealership, and was told my van needed extensive repairs, and that I would need to get myself a rental car.

So I waited for the Enterprise guy to come pick me up.

And waited.

For another hour!

waiting

By this time, it was 2 pm—almost time to pick up my first child from school. I called a friend and asked her to get her for me, sure that I would still make it on time to pick up my second daughter an hour later.

This was not the case, either.

By the time, the young man finally came with my car, I was a nervous ball of energy, fighting tears, and trying to figure out how to get to my baby in time.

Long story short, the school kept her in the office, and I made it, only a few minutes late.  But I did break down a tad bit at the car dealership. And I may have used a few choice words that nice women don’t usually use in public.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

After picking up my kids, we returned home, got out of the car, walked up the sidewalk, and promptly 180’d back to the rental car.

I had forgotten the house keys in our car—which was still at the dealership—20 minutes away.

We got back in the car, and I laughed so hysterically, I think my eyes almost bugged out of my head. My children thought I was nuts, but decided it would be fun to laugh along with me. So we all laughed manically for a good solid 2 minutes.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

You are probably asking what this has to do with my original post. What does this have to do with being thankful for my husband?

And I can answer in one word.

EVERYTHING!

You see, I had this perfectly sweet, sentimental post ready to go. It talked about our hardships with DD.

How he laughed in surprise when I first asked him to spank me a few years ago.

It talked about our role playing in the bedroom.

I explained how – for every step forward, we took two steps back.

The very beginning of our DD relationship was difficult.  I bratted and resented him for not taking me in hand.

He resented me for forcing him into it.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

And then, something clicked.

We started listening to each other.

We both stopped demanding, and started giving.

I stopped emasculating him.

He took charge and I let him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

This was what I was going to talk about. But life got in the way today.

So here’s what happened behind the scenes, unscripted—real life.

unscripted

As my frustration built, over the course of the long day, I found myself wanting to lash out at hubby, to project my anger somewhere safe.  I even called him a few times to vent at him.

And to his credit, he accepted my venting, and empathized with my situation.

(It sucked! Of course, he empathized.)

But he only let me go so far in my “getting worked-upedness” as he likes to call it.

He put a stop to it, at one point, and told me to grab a pen and paper, and start writing down my story ideas.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“What do you mean, story ideas?!?” I quietly screeched into the phone (Yes, it is possible to quietly screech).

He chuckled, “You always have a story idea, whatever you do. Write them down, and I’ll take a look at them later.”

“Really?” I bit my bottom lip out and grinned hopefully before realizing he really couldn’t see me over the phone. (But everyone else in the waiting room could, so I toned it down.)

“Yeah, I’ll take a look at it later.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

We hung up, and I knew I could make it through the afternoon.

UNTIL the Enterprise fiasco.

By 2 pm, I was agitated again, and hyper texting. (This is where you just start texting someone whatever pops in your mind, because you are strung out, and it’s your only safe outlet)  I was going back and forth between hubby, and my friend Nikki.

At one point, I sent hubby a text meant for my friend.

I asked her to send me energy because I felt like starting a fight with hubby and forcing him to “take action” later.

As soon as I sent it, I realized my mistake, and texted him to disregard.

He obliged.

I received a text from him a few moments later,

‘This is Nikki. Not (hubby).  Don’t try to force his hand. Bad mojo.’

It was just the kind of light hearted moment I needed at that moment. Hubby pretending to be my friend, and texting me a message “from her”.

LOL, I thought the message was legitimate at first, but he couldn’t take it anymore, and let me in on the joke. (I’m not much of a tech person. So I would have believed this one if he had let me go for a while)

technology

******

The day is finally over.  The rental car is parked safely in our driveway, the kids are in bed, and I am due for a night of good old fashioned “maintenance”.  Not because I am being punished in any way, but because we both know I could really use some time over his knee and in his arms.

Then again, if he finds out about my F-bomb at the dealership, he may decide to add on to tonight’s agenda.  But I’ll take it.  I am grateful for him, and the life we share.

But it will take a lot of coaxing for me to be thankful for the car dealership and rental car people.   😦

OK, I really do need to post this now. I have just been given the ten minute warning before “discussion” time.

Thanks for joining me tonight!

See ya tomorrow!

🙂

Doing Time – In the Corner.

should wives be spanked

9:30 pm Wed night.

He put me IN THE CORNER!

Hubby came into the bedroom wanting to know what had made me so grumpy earlier this evening.

I told him “Nothing”.  And continued typing on my laptop, pretending to ignore him.

(Yes, I was bit crabby. Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember why I was taking it out on him.)

He asked me again, more firmly.
“Nothing is wrong!” I replied a little bit louder.

Wrong answer, I guess.

He pulled me up, out of my chair, put my laptop on the bed, and walked me over to the corner in our bedroom, and said, “Stay.”

Holy crap!
I wasn’t even sure if he was serious, since we have NEVER even discussed corner time.

(Ok, I might have mentioned it once, when we started out, like 14-15 months ago, as a passing thought, “These are the kind of punishments you can give…”)

But we have never talked about it again. I’ve never mentioned how intrigued I have always been about it.

To be placed in the corner, like a naughty girl, was so arousing, yet so embarrassing and wrong at the same time!

My heart was in my throat, and my stomach danced with butterflies, as I sorted through all the conflicting emotions:

  • His sudden Dominance really turned me on.
  • I liked this feeling of submissiveness.
  • It was kind of humiliating to receive this kind of punishment.
  • How should I react?

He left right away, because the kids started coming downstairs from their beds, so he rushed to intercept them.

If they had come anywhere near the bedroom, I can tell you honestly, I would not have stayed in that corner. Or I at least would have pretended to be doing something important.

“Oh, darlings, just look at the difference in the coloring on these two walls. If you stick your nose right up into the corner, you can see that these are not symmetrical.  We must fix this as soon as possible!”

As it was, I didn’t stay anyway.   The corner was dirty, and there were still cords and charger plugs from the iron and my laptop, that I didn’t want to step on.

So I moved everything out of the way, just in case he was serious about following through.

Then I went to find him to apologize (and see if he had really meant it. Yes, I was testing. I’ll admit it).

He took one look at me when I came out, and growled, (Yes, he really did growl.)
“Why aren’t you where I told you to stay?”

(The kids were coming in and out of their rooms. I appreciated his cryptic question.)

“I didn’t know if you really meant it.” I pouted.

His scary, low voice replied, “I want you. Where I. put you. Wait there until I come and get you.”

Big gulp, and a slow trudge back to the icky, but now uncluttered corner.

I wondered if he would spank me for coming out, and how long he would leave me there.
Even more importantly, how long would I let myself stay there?  What if it was like an hour or so?  And why was I kind of aroused by all of this.

After maybe three to five minutes (long enough for my mind to wander into spanking territory, anyway), he came in, and told me I could come out.

I can honestly say, I felt pretty submissive. I finally explained the little things that had gotten me in my ill mood, including him being late and not calling.  He lectured me about respectful two way communication, and suggested a line. “Honey, next time you’re running late, would you please call me?”

Well, duh! That one hadn’t even crossed my mind.

And in answer to the next probable question. No there was no spanking.
Though I was kind of disappointed, (Is that weird?) I realized that I needed to adhere to my own rules.

I asked him to take charge, and be the Head of our Household.

I asked him to stop me when I’m being ugly.

I asked him to do 24/7 DD.

I asked him to make the tough decisions regarding discipline and communication.

If all I want is the spanking, then it’s just about play and sex, and we need to consider  a different route. Maybe D/S or BDSM in the bedroom only.

But…

If I’m going to follow through with this relationship, then I need to fully embrace it.

Even without the spankings.

Even with the confusing new additions, like cluttered, yucky corners.

Fantasy vs. Reality – A chat with Patricia Green

ace-high-flush-cover

KD: Thanks so much for joining me today, Patricia. This is a subject that is very personal to me. The subject of fantasy vs. reality – holding a real spouse to a fictitious standard.  And since we are both in DD relationships, I thought it would be fun to talk about some real life experiences as well.

PG: It’s great being here with you, Katherine. Thank you for inviting me to join you.

KD:  Ok, I’m just going to jump in with one of my biggest issues.  My biggest problem early in DD, was that I was comparing (and resenting) my husband to the expert HOHS in the books I read. I realize now this is unhealthy for me, and is very disrespectful to him.
But it’s so easy to do. The characters, even when flawed, seem to always be almost perfect HOH’s.

PG: Yes, I find that there are a growing number of women who resent their spouses because they’re not like the heroes they read about. This is not only true for spanking fiction, but also very true for romance in general. The issues with romance as a genre have been around for a long time. But, whether you’re talking DD or Regencies, there has to be a separation between fantasy and reality. Some people let the lines blur. I think this might be truer for an empathic person like yourself, Katherine.

KD: That’s why I sometimes shift to paranormal if I’m not in a safe mind set. It’s far easier to remember that a spanking vampire, is in fact, fantasy.

I’m serious about this.  Sometimes, I can differentiate between the contemporary hero and real life hero (AKA hubby) easily.  But occasionally, it becomes hard to separate, so I find it easier to jump into a regency or old time western story.  To be perfectly honest, science fiction and fantasy are still my favorites. (I really wish someone would do a Star Trek or Battle Star Galactica themed spanking romance.)

PG: The fact is, the women (almost exclusively) who write this stuff are building fantasies. They take what they think is the “perfect hero” and put him on the page. Have they ever met the “perfect hero” in person? Not a chance. There is no such person. Everyone has flaws. And, let’s face it, none of us wives are perfect either. Do we have a legitimate right to demand it from our HoH’s?

KD: That’s a very good point.  In real life, I despise what age is doing to my body.  But it would be so hurtful and wrong of my husband to demand that I remain as my “thirty something” self.  It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to hold on to that image.  It’s fantasy.

KD: I understand that you are in a DD relationship as well.  Did you have any struggles with resentment, or HOH images?  How did you get into this relationship?

PG:  The first DD relationship I was in was when I was 19. The man I was involved with was 42. I think it would be safe to say that I was looking for a stern father-figure, something I didn’t have growing up. Although I went on to a vanilla relationship after that, I wasn’t as happy in that situation. I divorced my vanilla husband, not because there was anything wrong with him — he was and is a very good guy and a great dad to our daughters. It was more a discontentment within me. I believe that’s the kind of discontentment that eats at a relationship like a cancer. There are a few things that can be done about it. A woman can decide that the other parts of her relationship are more important than her DD desires (I know more than a few women who have done this, and it works for them), or she can ask her husband to try to work with her on migrating the relationship to a DD one.

KD: That’s what I did. I brought DD to my husband, and asked him to take charge of our marriage.  It was pretty scary, but thankfully, he didn’t laugh or make fun of my request.  But it felt like a last resort for me.  We were both unhappy, and I wanted the structure.

We have been doing DD for over a year and a half.  And even though it isn’t strictly DD, it’s a decision that we both agree has been the best decision for us. Spanking helped save our marriage.

PG:  Well, what is “strict DD,” or are you comparing book-based DD against real life DD? Because in real life, every couple has a different way of dealing with incompatibilities. DD couples are no different from vanilla couples in that regard. Your version of DD is not, and should not, be the same as any other couple’s. There is no rule or cannon for you to cling to; you have to make it up as you go along.

KD: Great point! I can already see our next blog topic.

KD:  How did you learn about DD? Was it from an online source or a book?

PG:  DD books weren’t around at that time, or not sold where “nice girls” shopped, so the only measuring sticks I had were that early relationship and my own desire for discipline. I knew I needed discipline imposed upon me externally, so that’s what I sought. I had no words for it at the time, DD wasn’t part of my vocabulary.

KD: That’s how I felt before I learned about DD. So you didn’t have anyone to compare your new HOH to, (no fictitious super spankos) probably making it a lot easier, right?

PG:  Actually, you don’t have to read about the uber-DD-hero. You can dream him up all the same, and that dream guy can have the same effect on you. No one else is good enough.

KD:  I loved how you related it to just every day coveting. It’s such a good point. We don’t always need characters to compare and create something in our mind, better.  The grass is always greener, right?

PG:  It’s just like having a daydream of a mansion on a hill, when your budget is more an apartment in the suburbs. It’s something to admire, but you disrespect what you have if you’re not careful.

KD: Well said.  Ok, so back to fantasy.  Who is your favorite fictitious HOH?

PG:  My favorite fictitious HOH is Ace Journey, from Ace-High Flush. It might be rather apparent as I keep coming back to him in the books, even for small segments of the story. He’s strong, masculine, mature, dominant, but very loving and romantic. He spanks for discipline and for eroticism. Ace is crazy in love with his young wife, Gabby, and that love translates into lots of care, concern and passion.

KD:  I loved Ace and Gabby. My husband and I also use spanking for discipline and eroticism.

What’s one of your favorite behaviors from Ace? I loved their story, and appreciated the fact that he doesn’t look down on or disrespect Gabby, even though she is over 15 years younger than him.

PG:  Favorite behavior… Ace reasons with Gabby, but he doesn’t take any wheedling. My husband is the same way. He can spot manipulation a mile away and takes a very dim view of it.

KD: My husband is starting to figure out my manipulative tendencies too. 🙂  Alas.

KD: So how does one, especially an empathetic person like me, safely read these wonderful stories without resenting our imperfect spouses?

PG:  You know, there’s an old saying about “good fences make good neighbors.” In many respects, the same can be said for fiction and reality. You have to keep your fences intact. Maintain them carefully. Don’t neglect them or forget they’re there. Remember that you need them in order to keep your real life from deteriorating because you’re lost in make-believe worlds. The heroes in fiction are deceptive. If a writer is good, the story will seem like a home-movie of a couple living their real life. But that’s not the case. No relationship has a planned trajectory that ends in a happily ever after. Real relationships aren’t planned, plotted out, or outlined, they’re organic. That’s what makes them so special, and something no meddling writer can ever really bring to you. Enjoy what you have, make your own happy ending, and don’t pine for make-believe worlds. None of us really has a fairy godmother.

KD: That was so brilliantly stated.  I have read some fantastic authors who do such a great job of building the characters and relationships, that I can’t help, but pine for what they have.

But I can continue to read and enjoy these awesome stories, if I just remember that they are fiction. Beautifully written, “want to get lost in it”, 5 star stories… but still, fiction. 

Is that right?

PG: Absolutely. Remember that your husband is a lot more than type on a page. He’s got true emotions, needs and goals. He won’t be predictable like the usual romance plot. That makes him a lot more satisfying. Why would you want to exchange him for a cardboard hero? You wouldn’t. Keep that in mind.

KD: Thank you so much for agreeing to talk with me about DD, your personal life, your characters, and the boundaries between fantasy and real life.  And thank you for creating such great characters and fun worlds for me to escape into. At least for a little while.  🙂

PG: Real life has a way of testing our character. If I can help you deal with that, give you a break from a difficult problem, I’m honored to do it. My thanks for relying on my books to help you cope a teensy bit better. There’s nothing wrong with escapism, so long as your whole life isn’t an escape.

KD:  Thanks again. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next.

***

Ace and Gabby’s book is Ace-High Flush, book 2 of the Journey Family series. The blurb goes like this:

Gabriella Appleby is a struggling young, large-size model who can’t quite behave. She tries, but sometimes telling the truth just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. Not thinking things through also seems to be high on her list of to-do items.

Ace Journey is interested in Gabby, and cares about her enough to want to make an indelible impression on her. No one has taught her to behave, and he figures he’s the man to do it. Although their New York/New Jersey rendezvous takes him out of his natural element, don’t let his Texas drawl fool you. He’s smart and capable, and more than a match for the city streets.

Gabby wants Ace, and Ace wants Gabby. Unfortunately, her errors in judgment lead them to a fork in the road where they must part. Miserable about it, they find that an unlikely matchmaker—billionaire Jonny Chow—steps in to show them just how much they mean to each other.

It’s available at Amazon and Blushing Books.

There’s also an extended excerpt and character profiles on Patricia Green’s website.:)

Sometimes, a gal just wants to be spanked!

Bad, naughty Zoot! You must spank her well. And then, spank me.

Bad, naughty Zoot!
You must spank her well.
And then, spank me.

Sometimes a gal just needs to be spanked.

Ok, I’m in one of THOSE moods again. I can’t really explain it.

I’m flighty, hyper, my attention won’t hold for 15 minutes, let alone long enough to finish the blog post I need to finish. My head is spinning with a gazillion (bajillion any better?) thoughts that are just out of my reach.  All I can think about right now, is the one thing that got me here to begin with.

Spanking

I’m having another day where I just can’t get IT out of my head. The sounds, the glorious feeling, the warmth, the heat, the connection with my spanker, and dare I say, the arousal that almost always comes from this.

I love spankings!

I love being spanked (by my husband. Don’t get me wrong. I have fantasized about other men taking me in hand before, but I know this is fantasy, and that my hubby would be hurt by me accepting another man’s attentions.  So that stays in the realm of fantasy.)

I stare longingly, while watching a session on spankingtube, living vicariously through another woman’s delightful bottom warming.

Sometimes, I watch school girls get spanked by head mistresses. It is fun, and kind of silly.  Sometimes, I watch men take their women over their knees for play.

Sometimes, I see a man discipline his wife for something like overspending or texting while driving.  (I can empathize and realistically envision this scenario, since I am one to overspend when I get stressed.)

Some of the scenes seem real, some are acted out.

Usually I don’t care. If the spanking is good and hard, I will give some leeway on acting skills.

I prefer the scenes that are just about the spanking, instead of showing private sexual encounters. I like sharing their spanking scene, but don’t want to share their further intimacy. Which is ironic, because I love READING about sex after spankings, and often times find myself so aroused after my own spankings that I initiate the further actions with my hubby.

The point is I love thinking about IT,

Seeing IT,

Hearing IT,

And most of all, feeling IT.

Watching a spanking video gives me the opportunity to receive most of my spanking input.  I watch, mesmerized as the woman’s bare bottom bounces up and down, reddening with each firm smack. I like it when she wiggles around and tries to escape, creating in me the vision of non-consensual punishment, and a need to escape.  It is delicious.

I get very aroused watching these, and picture myself in these scenes.  I can easily picture myself squealing and wiggling over my HOH’s lap, as he attacks my poor bottom.  I shudder, shimmy, whimper, and moan, while he continues his show of dominance over me, on my bare bottom.  (Sometimes, I get so aroused by visualizing a glorious OTK session.  I wake up hubby, so we can finish the next sequence of delightful events. He has not complained yet. 🙂)

But I love most of all, to put it all together into one big scene that my HOH and I take part in – our own spanking scene.  Sometimes, it is for discipline, sometimes for maintenance and role affirmation, and sometimes for fun.  To be perfectly honest, I will almost happily accept any of it.

I like to be spanked.

Our first role play scene involved hubby forcing me over his knee and paddling me into submission. I tried to escape the onslaught of his hard, fast hand. I bucked and bounced, I cried out, and begged him to stop.  His lap was so hard, his hand even harder. Again and again, he spanked, leaving no portion of my bottom and thighs untouched, choosing to sometimes attack the same spot. I howled and begged some more, as he threw his leg over my legs, and shushed me.

(I wanted him to call me “naughty”, and tell me to “take what I had coming to me like a good girl”. But alas, he wasn’t quite ready for that much acting. )

After a very long, intense session, that included his hand, a few wooden implements, and a belt, I finally lay in a heap over his lap- worn out, my sore bottom aching and hot, feeling loved and content and peaceful. (And completely aroused)

This is what spanking does for me.  I can fantasize about it, read it, watch it, listen to it, or receive it.  They all fill a void in me, and ground me, and help me connect with myself and my HOH.

And when I don’t receive any of this stimulation, I feel agitated, easily angered, tired, unfocused, and sometimes, even a little bit unloved.

Spanking brings me back to life somehow.

It invigorates me, and gives me a chance to be still and focus.

Most of all, it gives me a chance to revel in who I am – the real me.

My name is Katherine Deane.

I am a Spanko.

And right now, I could really use a good, long, bare bottom spanking.