Tag Archives: intimacy

The Emotional Side of The Coach’s Discipline

Promo post – Emmaline’s Groom by Casey McKay

I am so excited!!

Casey McKay’s new historical spanking romance has just come out, and I cannot wait to read it!

She is here today to tell you a little bit about her new book! Enjoy!

Thanks for having me Katherine! I came to share a little bit of Emmaline’s Groom with you and your readers.

In this part, Leo has promised Emma a punishment for an earlier transgression. She knows it is coming, but she still puts up a fight.

“I understand why you were angry and I will not blame you if you cannot forgive me,” she told him in a rush.

“I can forgive you. I love you, Emmaline.” He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her so tenderly she felt tears return to her eyes. “Even if I have to take you over my knee every day to correct your behavior, I will never stop loving you.”

She snatched her hand back from his and narrowed her eyes. Her tears were gone as she squared her shoulders to him. “That is not going to happen.”

He chuckled at her response and she realized her was teasing her. He nudged her to her feet and she stood standing in front of him. He pointed to the strap on the floor.

“Bring it over to me.”

She crossed her arms across her chest. “Leo!”

“You have consequences coming. Do not argue with me. I do not mind talking with you about your punishment, but you will not talk your way out of it, ever. Is that understood?”

She had the urge to stamp her feet. He was not going to give in and she knew it, but she did not have to like it. She did not answer his question, but turned and did as he asked. She placed the strap in his outstretched palm.

“Take off your robe.”

“No, I-” She shook her head and tried to step back out of his reach, but he grasped her wrist.

“It was not a question,” he said as he tugged her closer and easily flipped her over his knee.

The breath pushed out of her lungs as she found herself hanging upside down, Leo’s hands pushing her robe up her back, baring her backside to him for the second time that day. She jerked forward at his stinging slap and let out a yelp in surprise.

“In the future, you will comply the first time I ask something of you.” He punctuated his sentence with another firm smack. She braced herself, placing her hands on the floor in front of her as he spanked her. The sting crept along both cheeks, leaving them feeling warm from the inside out. It was not a completely terrible feeling, and she was reminiscent of the first time he had spanked her and what that had led to.

She felt her middle moisten in anticipation, she surrendered her body to his punishing blows, lifting her hips back to meet him. He paused and rubbed his hand over her stinging bottom, this is what she had missed that morning. He pulled her up and placed her on her feet in front of him again.

“Now, take off your robe,” he said again.

Blurb:

Emmaline Lawford, the youngest daughter of an English Marquess, is intended to marry. Though to whom might be up for debate. Her older brother, Samuel, has his sights set on marrying her off to a Duke. Emmaline finally accepts her fate, until a breach in etiquette finds her back in the arms of the man she truly loves.

Leo Colston is stunned when Emmaline is thrust back into his life. He had resigned himself to the fact that he would never marry the woman he loved. Now they are taking hasty wedding vows and being urged to move to America, where they can leave the talk of scandal behind them.

Emma and Leo realize settling into marriage is not going to be as smooth sailing as they thought. As they try to work out their differences and get used to living in close quarters Emmaline finds herself in trouble with her new husband on more than one occasion. Leo’s favorite way to end an argument is to take his lady over his knee and spank her bare bottom until she submits. Emma thinks he should just give in to her womanly charms. Who will win this battle of wills?

Emmaline’s Groom is a stand alone book, but is also the first book in The Ravenswood Manor series.

This book includes spankings, graphic sex, and anal play, and more. If any of this subject matter offends you, please do not purchase this book.

Buy Links:

Amazon

Amazon UK

Spanking Round Table – Domestic Discipline

30 Replies

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I have been eagerly awaiting this month’s round table discussion on Domestic Discipline!

In fact, I have been so excited to share my journey and thoughts on DD that I waited until the last minute to write my post! It wasn’t that I was procrastinating. It’s just that there were so many possible things for me to talk about.

*****

I could have talked about my initial fears of being unaccepted, or laughed at when I explained my needs to my husband.

I could have talked about my need for the grey area between DD and sexuality.

I could have very intimately explained, how close we came to divorce, because of our fights and poor communication at the beginning of our DD journey.

I even thought about talking about the difference between fantasy and reality in our DD relationship.

But each of these sub topics will be saved for another day.

Because I had a few defining DD moments with my husband this week. And in my desire to keep my posts real, I’m going to share these moments with you instead.

*****

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If I were asked to describe Domestic Discipline a few years ago, I would have said,

“The HOH (in my case, it is my husband) takes charge of the family, and his wife. He makes the decisions; he leads by example; he makes rules; and he punishes (spanks) when the rules are not followed.”

There you go.

Cut and dry.

My DD expectations in a nutshell.

To be led

To have rules

And to be held accountable

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As we both grew into our roles, we both realized that neither of us needed a tough, rulemaking, no “if’s and or but’s” dictator.

I thought I wanted him to make tough decisions for me.

I thought I wanted him to force me to bend to his will.

I thought I wanted rules- lots of rules—with consequences! (Spanking consequences, of course).

*****

As it turns out, I am aroused by many of his spankings. It sometimes is a sexual thing for me.

So it has made it difficult to blur the lines between sexy and authoritative.

But after a year and a half of tweaking, we have finally found a rhythm that suits both our needs.

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I have learned that he needs my respect and love as much as I need attention.

If I want his attention in the form of a spanking, I need to ask for it. If I brat and manipulate my way into a spanking, it makes us both feel badly. The spanking has not served its purpose- to bring us closer together.

Sometimes, I need a quick attitude adjustment, though. I tend to get hypoglycemic (and veeeeeeery ornery) when I don’t eat on time.

We don’t have many official rules. Mostly, we stick to the D’s (Disrespect and dishonesty being the two biggest.)

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Last night, hubby came home to me frantically trying to keep noodles from bubbling out of the pot, sauce from messing up the whole kitchen, and coaxing the little people to “try it, you’ll like it”. (My many talents do not include food preparation, unfortunately. 🙂 )

I was crabby, unfed, and frazzled. And he was over ten minutes late!

I refused to look at him or acknowledge him with more than a quick grunt, and an “about time” muttered under my breath.

He hugged and greeted the kids, turned off the stove, and said, “Mommy and I will be right back”, and led me (grumbling the whole way about burnt pasta being on his conscience) into the bedroom.

After deciding that I did not have a good reason for my attitude, he bent me over the bathroom sink, and gave me 5 of the hardest swats he has ever given me.

This gave me something to think about.

He had totally been holding back during all those other hand spankings. These swats actually HURT! And they were over my jeans. Heaven forbid, he had pulled them down, like he sometimes does.
He has come a long way, since that first, “Am I hurting you?” spanking.

He explained that he didn’t appreciate coming home to a crabby wife that wouldn’t even hug him or tell him that she missed him.

I almost cried. He has grown over these past few years, with respect to his communication. What would have been a grunt and a “back away quietly into his man cave”, became a quick articulation of his feelings.

This snapped me out of my funk. I hugged him and apologized for being so mean and disrespectful to him.

We walked out and finished making dinner. He dished up my bowl, and commanded me to

“EAT.”

He even kept the little bitties engaged, so I could eat in peace. Yes, I shoveled gluten free pasta and ground beef with sauce faster than you can say, ‘Jack Sprat ate no fat’. And in a few minutes, I felt better.

I was very thankful for his help in this. A few years ago, I would have pushed and pushed, until we were both miserable.

All it took was a quick spanking, a hug, and some loving communication.

*****

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We had another defining DD moment, 30 minutes later.

I had lain down to snuggle with my sweet little angels, before bedtime, and decided it was so nice and comfy, that I would remain after they left. Even though it was only 7:15 pm, I was willing to stay there, wrapped up in warm blankets, pretending to snooze for the rest of the night.

But hubby didn’t let me.

He made me get up!

LOL, I have always wanted to pout and complain about my hubby “making” me do something, but the truth is, he has never actually “made” me, or forced me to do anything in my life.

Even the few times, I have acted like I have not wanted a spanking, I willingly went over his lap. It was a façade of non-consensuality.

Everything we do in our relationship is consensual.

So when he came into the bedroom, and saw me still snuggled in bed, even though my snuggling counter parts had already left for their own beds, he hugged me and announced,

“Ok, it’s not time for bed yet. The kitchen still needs to be cleaned up. Then you can relax for the night.”

Several years ago, I would have told him where to shove the dirty dishes, informed him he was a grown man, and told him that he should take care of the &!% kitchen himself!

But to be perfectly honest, I agreed to take on the role of home duties, and even asked him to hold me accountable for its upkeep. Several weeks earlier, I had even begged him to not let me leave the kitchen dirty at night time. It stressed me out to wake up to a pile of dirty dishes and old food.

And to his credit, he held firm. I have had three nights where I have just not felt like doing my task, and he has nicely called me on it.

One night, when I was sick, he mentioned that he would let the kitchen duties go for the night because I was not feeling very well.

My feminist friends would have had a field day with this! They would have hollered about equal rights and said that he should have gotten off his lazy *ss and done the kitchen himself. And a few years ago, I would have agreed with them.

But now, I am at a point, where I like the stability of having our set roles. I like my roles. I like knowing that he cooks on the weekends (Hallelujah, decent food finally!). I like knowing that I have duties that need to be performed. I like having consequences.

Guess what the biggest consequence is to my cleaning up the night before?

I feel better about myself.
I am happier and less stressed in the morning.

I like rules and consequences- they make me feel safe.

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If I were to leave the kitchen messy for longer than a day (due to sickness or any other good excuse), he would step in, and take over the task. But I have asked him not to, unless absolutely necessary.

This is for one big reason. It empowers me. These accomplishments energize my soul.

He has never made me do anything I did not want to do.

But he does empower me to:

Stop and think
“Pull up my bootstraps”
Work to the best of my abilities
Fulfill my duties

His strength is my strength.

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Though I may complain about him every once in a while, because he is still rather vanilla, and has to be reeeeeeeally coaxed into trying new things, (bedroom things, spanky things, new implements…).

I appreciate him, and his willingness to journey with me.

Domestic Discipline is not for everybody.

There are many different ways to embrace the lifestyle.

Our journey is our own, and will keep changing as our lives change.

Sometimes, I still fantasize about rules and dominance and my HOH talking to me like a Dom. But I am happy with the path we have followed and the progress we have made.

This is our DD life.

I’m happy we could share it with you!

*****

Ok, now that I’m done with my post, I need to get to the ironing!

Mean old hubby is MAKING me iron his work shirts. 😉

He even spanked me last week, when he had no unwrinkled shirts in his closet! (The horror!)

I’m going to ask him for another spanking tonight!

But first, I’ll go iron a few shirts 🙂

Happy spankings!

If you haven’t already checked out the fantastic introduction post by this month’s host, Corinne Alexander, head over, and check it out!

And here is the link for the other awesome posts! Enjoy!

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Thankfulness 2013- DD, Hubby, and Life – Unscripted

12 Replies

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I had a wonderful, sentimental, gushy post (mostly) ready to go this morning.

It was about my husband of fifteen years, and the recent start of our DD journey. And though it was a little ‘over-kill sweet’, I was still prepared to go with it.

All it needed was a little editing, and then I would post it.

I kissed hubby and the kids, and waved to them as they left for school. (They have started chanting “Bye, mommy, we love you!” as they drive away. It’s silly and fun, and it totally starts my day off on a great note!)

But my day of tweaking, planning and blog posting was short lived, when our minivan decided to fritz out on me. I had to take it to the dealership, after the “check engine” and “image of a car swerving down the road” lights went on.

So I drove twenty minutes to the dealership.

Where I sat.

And waited.

For three hours!

(Luckily, I had the foresight to ask them to drop me off at the nearest book store, which made my waiting a bit more comfortable)

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Then I went back to the dealership, and was told my van needed extensive repairs, and that I would need to get myself a rental car.

So I waited for the Enterprise guy to come pick me up.

And waited.

For another hour!

By this time, it was 2 pm—almost time to pick up my first child from school. I called a friend and asked her to get her for me, sure that I would still make it on time to pick up my second daughter an hour later.

This was not the case, either.

By the time, the young man finally came with my car, I was a nervous ball of energy, fighting tears, and trying to figure out how to get to my baby in time.

Long story short, the school kept her in the office, and I made it, only a few minutes late. But I did break down a tad bit at the car dealership. And I may have used a few choice words that nice women don’t usually use in public.

After picking up my kids, we returned home, got out of the car, walked up the sidewalk, and promptly 180’d back to the rental car.

I had forgotten the house keys in our car—which was still at the dealership—20 minutes away.

We got back in the car, and I laughed so hysterically, I think my eyes almost bugged out of my head. My children thought I was nuts, but decided it would be fun to laugh along with me. So we all laughed manically for a good solid 2 minutes.

You are probably asking what this has to do with my original post. What does this have to do with being thankful for my husband?

And I can answer in one word.

EVERYTHING!

You see, I had this perfectly sweet, sentimental post ready to go. It talked about our hardships with DD.

How he laughed in surprise when I first asked him to spank me a few years ago.

It talked about our role playing in the bedroom.

I explained how – for every step forward, we took two steps back.

The very beginning of our DD relationship was difficult. I bratted and resented him for not taking me in hand.

He resented me for forcing him into it.

And then, something clicked.

We started listening to each other.

We both stopped demanding, and started giving.

I stopped emasculating him.

He took charge and I let him.

This was what I was going to talk about. But life got in the way today.

So here’s what happened behind the scenes, unscripted—real life.

As my frustration built, over the course of the long day, I found myself wanting to lash out at hubby, to project my anger somewhere safe. I even called him a few times to vent at him.

And to his credit, he accepted my venting, and empathized with my situation.

(It sucked! Of course, he empathized.)

But he only let me go so far in my “getting worked-upedness” as he likes to call it.

He put a stop to it, at one point, and told me to grab a pen and paper, and start writing down my story ideas.

“What do you mean, story ideas?!?” I quietly screeched into the phone (Yes, it is possible to quietly screech).

He chuckled, “You always have a story idea, whatever you do. Write them down, and I’ll take a look at them later.”

“Really?” I bit my bottom lip out and grinned hopefully before realizing he really couldn’t see me over the phone. (But everyone else in the waiting room could, so I toned it down.)

“Yeah, I’ll take a look at it later.”

We hung up, and I knew I could make it through the afternoon.

UNTIL the Enterprise fiasco.

By 2 pm, I was agitated again, and hyper texting. (This is where you just start texting someone whatever pops in your mind, because you are strung out, and it’s your only safe outlet) I was going back and forth between hubby, and my friend Nikki.

At one point, I sent hubby a text meant for my friend.

I asked her to send me energy because I felt like starting a fight with hubby and forcing him to “take action” later.

As soon as I sent it, I realized my mistake, and texted him to disregard.

He obliged.

I received a text from him a few moments later,

‘This is Nikki. Not (hubby). Don’t try to force his hand. Bad mojo.’

It was just the kind of light hearted moment I needed at that moment. Hubby pretending to be my friend, and texting me a message “from her”.

LOL, I thought the message was legitimate at first, but he couldn’t take it anymore, and let me in on the joke. (I’m not much of a tech person. So I would have believed this one if he had let me go for a while)

******

The day is finally over. The rental car is parked safely in our driveway, the kids are in bed, and I am due for a night of good old fashioned “maintenance”. Not because I am being punished in any way, but because we both know I could really use some time over his knee and in his arms.

Then again, if he finds out about my F-bomb at the dealership, he may decide to add on to tonight’s agenda. But I’ll take it. I am grateful for him, and the life we share.

But it will take a lot of coaxing for me to be thankful for the car dealership and rental car people. 😦

OK, I really do need to post this now. I have just been given the ten minute warning before “discussion” time.

Thanks for joining me tonight!

See ya tomorrow!

🙂

New Book Promo for “Mastering Maeve” by Tara Finnegan.

18 Replies

I am so excited to finally have Tara Finnegan on my blog! She came today to tell us about her new book, Mastering Maeve.

I am reading it right now, and am loving it! Larry is sexy, authoritative, and handsome. Maeve is spirited, beautiful, and passionate. As you can see by the beautiful cover! The sparks between these two are amazing!

I adore the grandmother in this story, and loved her manipulations. (you’ll see what I mean when you read the excerpt Tara has provided!. This Granny is a masterful puppeteer.

This is definitely a story you don’t want to miss!

Take it away, Tara!

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Hi Katherine, thank you so much for inviting me to come visit your blog, I’m delighted to be here and to share a little of Mastering Maeve.

One of the things I really loved about working on Mastering Maeve was incorporating Bridie, Maeve’s Granny. To me, she is typical of so many of the older generation of Irish women and was a total joy to write. It’s very hard for a young woman nowadays to imagine how tough things were for Irish women at the time. The system was very much aligned against them, and due to recessions etc, often it was very difficult for them to go to work outside the home. Therefore they were financially dependent and I suppose you could say a little under the thumb. But that was often very much only on the face of it, if you scratched the surface you would find some very clever women who ruled the roost with an iron fist and a wet dish cloth! They kept the wheels of the family turning, often against the odds and were truly admirable.

Because of that, what I’d like to share today isn’t one of the hot sexy spanking or love scenes. I’d really like to showcase a little of Bridie, and let your readers see how she is working everything behind the scenes, often very much to Maeve’s annoyance. I think she really adds colour to the book. I hope readers will agree.

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“It would be a lot easier to work with you if we could at least try to be friends,” Larry suggested hopefully.

“Let’s get one thing clear, Mr Williamson. I accept I may have brought a little of it on myself by slapping you first, but my friends are not in the habit of assaulting me in such an intimate manner, and if they did, I would no longer consider them friends. What I feel towards you right this minute is a small measure of gratitude that you are considering saving the hotel, coupled with enough knowledge of you not to push the boundaries again. Mainly though what I feel about you is fear, and fear will never be the basis for a friendship,” Maeve replied, her determined tone confirming the resoluteness showing in her stubborn chin. “And there is one thing I wish to make absolutely clear before we pursue any type of business arrangement, if you repeat that behaviour, I will press charges. I’m letting it pass this time because I lashed out first. And one other thing—I’d prefer if Granny was present for any future meetings; it is her business after all, not mine.”

“Perhaps you’re right, we can see if she is available now, or we can defer this until a time that is suitable for her,” Larry agreed. Maeve thought he looked a little relieved at getting the issue of the spanking out in the open and he even seemed to be regarding her with a grudging admiration.

“Give me five minutes to see what she’s up to,” Maeve quickly responded, clutching at the proffered straw, and went running off to find Bridie. She returned and suggested to Larry that they might be better relocating to the office where they wouldn’t be interrupted and that Bridie would meet them there.

“Maeve tells me you’ve changed your mind about investing,” she said with a smug smile stealing across her lips. Maeve knew that look; it was the look that said ‘I won.’

“Yes, ma’am, I think we can find a way to make it work, but we need to work out the fine details and I’d like to look over your accounts some more. Maeve here felt it would be more appropriate if we all three met together.” Larry gave her his most winning all-American guy smile.

Maeve shuddered. As if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, she thought. And Granny is falling for it hook, line, and sinker.

“Ok, son, now’s the time to tell you, I want to retire so it’s all the same to me if you keep this place going or the bank take it over, I’m too old to work. If you keep it going, it will be Maeve there you’ll be dealing with. I’m worn out.”

Maeve started spluttering; this was a fine time for the old dragon to announce her retirement. She always had to have the last word, and as for calling him son, only Bridie McNamara would call Larry Williamson the Fourth son and get away with it. Maeve couldn’t help wondering what the conniving old witch had up her sleeve this time. And now she had no comfort zone between herself and the spanking king.

“I’ll leave yiz to it. Maeve knows where everything is and you might as well get used to each other.” Without giving either Larry or Maeve a moment to get a word in edgeways, she was gone. Maeve could picture the self-satisfied smile that was most likely on her lips as she exited.

“What’s the witch up to now?” she thought aloud, forgetting that it was exactly that kind of comment that had gotten her in so much bother before.

“I thought I made it perfectly clear I didn’t want to hear such disrespect towards your grandma. I cannot believe we are having this conversation again so soon,” he said ominously.

“Yes, Mr Williamson, conversation and that’s as far as it goes,” Maeve warned. “Ok, if it makes you so unhappy, I’ll keep my thoughts about Granny to myself. I love her dearly, I owe her everything, but I know her a damn sight better than you. One day you’ll see her true colours and I promise to try not to laugh too loud when you do, so let’s drop the subject. It seems it’s pretty much you and me now, so can we work together?”

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Publisher’s Blurb:

Finished with college and unable to find a job in her chosen field, twenty-four year old Maeve O’Reilly saw little choice but to return to her hometown in Connemara and work in her grandmother’s hotel. Maeve has barely walked in the door, however, when she learns that the establishment is deep in debt and an American visitor is considering an investment which could be the only chance to avoid foreclosure.

That visitor turns out to be a tall, ruggedly handsome rancher by the name of Larry Williamson, a man whose dominant personality immediately puts him in conflict with the willful Maeve. When she slaps Larry across the face during a heated argument, Maeve learns to her horror that Larry is more than ready to haul her over his knee and back up his firm tone with a firm hand applied to her helpless bottom.

Larry might like to tell himself that he has chosen to move forward with the hotel investment only to avoid any legal difficulties stemming from the spanking incident, but he knows full well that there is only one thing in Ireland he is interested in right now, and that is a beautiful, feisty, sore-bottomed young lady named Maeve.

As the days pass, Maeve quickly finds her anger at Larry fading to grudging respect, and the memory of his chastisement begins to kindle a powerful need within her… a need only the arrogant, bossy Texan can satisfy. Maeve longs for Larry to strip her bare and claim her in a way no man has before, and when at last he does all she can do is beg for more. But will the wide gulf of the Atlantic and the hard realities of a long-distance romance tear the unlikely couple apart, or will they find a way to defy the odds and forge their passion into a lasting bond?

Publisher’s Note: Mastering Maeve is an erotic novel that includes spankings, anal play, sexual scenes, elements of BDSM, and more. If such material offends you, please don’t buy this book.

Buy links

Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Blushing Books http://www.blushingbooks.com/index.php?l=product_detail&p=2577

All romance: https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-masteringmaeve-1330830-147.html

Barnes and Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mastering-maeve-tara-finnegan/1117249988

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About Tara Finnegan:

Accidental writer from the west of Ireland, Tara likes to write about strong, feisty modern day heroines who meet their match with even stronger spanking heroes where the sparks will fly.

When not writing, she is a wife, mother, taxi-service, gofer and general finder of lost items!

Fantasy vs. Reality – A chat with Patricia Green

23 Replies

KD: Thanks so much for joining me today, Patricia. This is a subject that is very personal to me. The subject of fantasy vs. reality – holding a real spouse to a fictitious standard. And since we are both in DD relationships, I thought it would be fun to talk about some real life experiences as well.

PG: It’s great being here with you, Katherine. Thank you for inviting me to join you.

KD: Ok, I’m just going to jump in with one of my biggest issues. My biggest problem early in DD, was that I was comparing (and resenting) my husband to the expert HOHS in the books I read. I realize now this is unhealthy for me, and is very disrespectful to him.
But it’s so easy to do. The characters, even when flawed, seem to always be almost perfect HOH’s.

PG: Yes, I find that there are a growing number of women who resent their spouses because they’re not like the heroes they read about. This is not only true for spanking fiction, but also very true for romance in general. The issues with romance as a genre have been around for a long time. But, whether you’re talking DD or Regencies, there has to be a separation between fantasy and reality. Some people let the lines blur. I think this might be truer for an empathic person like yourself, Katherine.

KD: That’s why I sometimes shift to paranormal if I’m not in a safe mind set. It’s far easier to remember that a spanking vampire, is in fact, fantasy.

I’m serious about this. Sometimes, I can differentiate between the contemporary hero and real life hero (AKA hubby) easily. But occasionally, it becomes hard to separate, so I find it easier to jump into a regency or old time western story. To be perfectly honest, science fiction and fantasy are still my favorites. (I really wish someone would do a Star Trek or Battle Star Galactica themed spanking romance.)

PG: The fact is, the women (almost exclusively) who write this stuff are building fantasies. They take what they think is the “perfect hero” and put him on the page. Have they ever met the “perfect hero” in person? Not a chance. There is no such person. Everyone has flaws. And, let’s face it, none of us wives are perfect either. Do we have a legitimate right to demand it from our HoH’s?

KD: That’s a very good point. In real life, I despise what age is doing to my body. But it would be so hurtful and wrong of my husband to demand that I remain as my “thirty something” self. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to hold on to that image. It’s fantasy.

KD: I understand that you are in a DD relationship as well. Did you have any struggles with resentment, or HOH images? How did you get into this relationship?

PG: The first DD relationship I was in was when I was 19. The man I was involved with was 42. I think it would be safe to say that I was looking for a stern father-figure, something I didn’t have growing up. Although I went on to a vanilla relationship after that, I wasn’t as happy in that situation. I divorced my vanilla husband, not because there was anything wrong with him — he was and is a very good guy and a great dad to our daughters. It was more a discontentment within me. I believe that’s the kind of discontentment that eats at a relationship like a cancer. There are a few things that can be done about it. A woman can decide that the other parts of her relationship are more important than her DD desires (I know more than a few women who have done this, and it works for them), or she can ask her husband to try to work with her on migrating the relationship to a DD one.

KD: That’s what I did. I brought DD to my husband, and asked him to take charge of our marriage. It was pretty scary, but thankfully, he didn’t laugh or make fun of my request. But it felt like a last resort for me. We were both unhappy, and I wanted the structure.

We have been doing DD for over a year and a half. And even though it isn’t strictly DD, it’s a decision that we both agree has been the best decision for us. Spanking helped save our marriage.

PG: Well, what is “strict DD,” or are you comparing book-based DD against real life DD? Because in real life, every couple has a different way of dealing with incompatibilities. DD couples are no different from vanilla couples in that regard. Your version of DD is not, and should not, be the same as any other couple’s. There is no rule or cannon for you to cling to; you have to make it up as you go along.

KD: Great point! I can already see our next blog topic.

KD: How did you learn about DD? Was it from an online source or a book?

PG: DD books weren’t around at that time, or not sold where “nice girls” shopped, so the only measuring sticks I had were that early relationship and my own desire for discipline. I knew I needed discipline imposed upon me externally, so that’s what I sought. I had no words for it at the time, DD wasn’t part of my vocabulary.

KD: That’s how I felt before I learned about DD. So you didn’t have anyone to compare your new HOH to, (no fictitious super spankos) probably making it a lot easier, right?

PG: Actually, you don’t have to read about the uber-DD-hero. You can dream him up all the same, and that dream guy can have the same effect on you. No one else is good enough.

KD: I loved how you related it to just every day coveting. It’s such a good point. We don’t always need characters to compare and create something in our mind, better. The grass is always greener, right?

PG: It’s just like having a daydream of a mansion on a hill, when your budget is more an apartment in the suburbs. It’s something to admire, but you disrespect what you have if you’re not careful.

KD: Well said. Ok, so back to fantasy. Who is your favorite fictitious HOH?

PG: My favorite fictitious HOH is Ace Journey, from Ace-High Flush. It might be rather apparent as I keep coming back to him in the books, even for small segments of the story. He’s strong, masculine, mature, dominant, but very loving and romantic. He spanks for discipline and for eroticism. Ace is crazy in love with his young wife, Gabby, and that love translates into lots of care, concern and passion.

KD: I loved Ace and Gabby. My husband and I also use spanking for discipline and eroticism.

What’s one of your favorite behaviors from Ace? I loved their story, and appreciated the fact that he doesn’t look down on or disrespect Gabby, even though she is over 15 years younger than him.

PG: Favorite behavior… Ace reasons with Gabby, but he doesn’t take any wheedling. My husband is the same way. He can spot manipulation a mile away and takes a very dim view of it.

KD: My husband is starting to figure out my manipulative tendencies too. 🙂 Alas.

KD: So how does one, especially an empathetic person like me, safely read these wonderful stories without resenting our imperfect spouses?

PG: You know, there’s an old saying about “good fences make good neighbors.” In many respects, the same can be said for fiction and reality. You have to keep your fences intact. Maintain them carefully. Don’t neglect them or forget they’re there. Remember that you need them in order to keep your real life from deteriorating because you’re lost in make-believe worlds. The heroes in fiction are deceptive. If a writer is good, the story will seem like a home-movie of a couple living their real life. But that’s not the case. No relationship has a planned trajectory that ends in a happily ever after. Real relationships aren’t planned, plotted out, or outlined, they’re organic. That’s what makes them so special, and something no meddling writer can ever really bring to you. Enjoy what you have, make your own happy ending, and don’t pine for make-believe worlds. None of us really has a fairy godmother.

KD: That was so brilliantly stated. I have read some fantastic authors who do such a great job of building the characters and relationships, that I can’t help, but pine for what they have.

But I can continue to read and enjoy these awesome stories, if I just remember that they are fiction. Beautifully written, “want to get lost in it”, 5 star stories… but still, fiction.

Is that right?

PG: Absolutely. Remember that your husband is a lot more than type on a page. He’s got true emotions, needs and goals. He won’t be predictable like the usual romance plot. That makes him a lot more satisfying. Why would you want to exchange him for a cardboard hero? You wouldn’t. Keep that in mind.

KD: Thank you so much for agreeing to talk with me about DD, your personal life, your characters, and the boundaries between fantasy and real life. And thank you for creating such great characters and fun worlds for me to escape into. At least for a little while. 🙂

PG: Real life has a way of testing our character. If I can help you deal with that, give you a break from a difficult problem, I’m honored to do it. My thanks for relying on my books to help you cope a teensy bit better. There’s nothing wrong with escapism, so long as your whole life isn’t an escape.

KD: Thanks again. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next.

***

Ace and Gabby’s book is Ace-High Flush, book 2 of the Journey Family series. The blurb goes like this:

Gabriella Appleby is a struggling young, large-size model who can’t quite behave. She tries, but sometimes telling the truth just doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. Not thinking things through also seems to be high on her list of to-do items.

Ace Journey is interested in Gabby, and cares about her enough to want to make an indelible impression on her. No one has taught her to behave, and he figures he’s the man to do it. Although their New York/New Jersey rendezvous takes him out of his natural element, don’t let his Texas drawl fool you. He’s smart and capable, and more than a match for the city streets.

Gabby wants Ace, and Ace wants Gabby. Unfortunately, her errors in judgment lead them to a fork in the road where they must part. Miserable about it, they find that an unlikely matchmaker—billionaire Jonny Chow—steps in to show them just how much they mean to each other.

It’s available at Amazon and Blushing Books.

There’s also an extended excerpt and character profiles on Patricia Green’s website.:)

The new cool new DD Anthology I just read!

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I just read a very good DD Anthology, and thought I would share it here.

Since I am a self proclaimed Spanko, an avid reader of all things spanking related, and a DD’er, myself, it kind of makes sense to give this awesome book a shout out.

Congratulations to all the authors. Gals, you did a great job with this book. I hope you get together again for more of these.

The anthology is called “Coming To Terms”, and includes short stories from the following authors:

Sue Lyndon, Cara Bristol, Alta Hensley, Jade Cary, Celeste Jones, Anastasia Vitsky, and Renee Rose

I am attaching my review, below, in the hopes that more people will hear about this awesome anthology.

*****************

I was so excited to read this anthology, knowing that some of my favorite authors were in this book.

The stories all centered around one main theme, Domestic Discipline, and spanking as one of the tools.

It was so much fun to read all the different stories; each author’s descriptive, yet fictitious explanation of how DD is different for each couple. No couple does it the same, as was shown in these stories by these 7 fantastic authors.

Sue Lyndon’s Confession Time, focused on a young couple’s brand new DD journey. After only a few weeks of doing DD, Lucy requested that James start doing maintenance spankings. He agreed, acknowledging that this would help further build their level of trust and communication. This was a great story, which also had some wonderful sex scenes.

Wife on a Lam, by Cara Bristol, was a very entertaining, light hearted story about a wife who goes off on her own vacation after she feels snubbed by her husband’s lack of Anniversary attention. Poor Janelle is bombarded, not only by guilt, but also the attention of a very annoying cowboy. I found that hilarious! Her husband, Brent had a few surprises up his sleeve, and followed after her, which was a lot of fun! When they finally reconnected, Janelle willingly submitted to a much needed, guilt alleviating, discipline spanking. I really enjoyed this fun little story. And I will definitely think twice before vacationing without my husband.

In This Moment, by Alta Hensley, a couple goes on a mini vacation, badly in need of reconnection and quality time together. Caine and Neely have not done DD in a while, and Neely misses this component. I loved reading her gentle confrontation to Caine. She explained how she missed his spankings and the connection that they felt through DD. This was very beautifully done. It also gave some good insight about the importance of communication in any relationship.

Days With You, by Jade Cary, was a very emotionally intense story about a widowed woman, Diana, remembering the love of her life, her deceased husband, Val. These memories were beautiful and intense; sometimes I laughed, sometimes I cried. The DD memories were very well done, and showcased Val’s dominance and passion along with Diana’s strength. There was a very pleasant surprise twist at the end, which left me refreshed and eagerly awaiting the next story. (I truly hope Jade does a second story to follow this up)

In Reconnecting, by Celeste Jones, A determined husband, Reece tries to reconnect with his wife, Daisy after losing so much of her attention because of work and online social media. After reading this fun story, I looked at my own activities and assessed whether or not I was giving my own husband enough attention. Very clever public service announcement written in the form of spanking fiction. I liked how Reece did not impose his will on Daisy, but rather, used tools like spanking and communication, to enable her to open her own eyes to what she was doing to their relationship. Very well done.

One delightfully, intimate story, Tomorrow, by Anastasia Vitsky, continues the journey of two women named Kat and Natalie. In their continuing story, Kat and Natalie were still trying to work out the kinks in their relationship, especially remembering the injuries they had both sustained in the past. It was very easy for me to connect with Kat; her guilt over past events, feelings of burden, wanting Natalie’s structure, yet still wanting to be an independent and respected adult woman. I could feel her confusion and anger at times. The story takes on a lighter note, when they vacation at a huge theme park. This was very well done. I loved the overwhelming emotions. But it didn’t make the story too heavy to read. It was done just right. It also made me want to go to our nearest theme park.

My favorite story was Spank and Run, by Renee Rose. I loved the combination of DD, structure, boundaries, and eroticism. It was so well written. Claire was a strong woman, looking for an equally strong man, who would respect her and love her; but wouldn’t be afraid to turn her over his knee if she was hurting herself. But she also longed for the eroticism found in spanking. I really connected to Claire, and enjoyed her ability to ask for what she wanted even though it was a little embarrassing for her. This story showcased DD as something that could be helpful in a relationship, but also could be very erotic. Coming from a DD background, I appreciated seeing both sides written so well.

The whole book was fantastic! I loved reading the different dynamics, approaches and components of DD. Every relationship was different. There were intimate connections, reconnections, spankings for discipline, maintenance, and fun. The sexual scenes were tastefully, yet erotically done. I really enjoyed it.

4.5 stars for Coming to Terms

http://www.amazon.com/Coming-to-Terms-ebook/dp/B00CS7XLNQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369613325&sr=8-1&keywords=coming+to+terms

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/coming-to-terms-alta-hensley/1115305108?ean=2940016498324

Drawing the Line

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**NOTE- You will probably be able to see that my emotions did another cool, “Let’s go on a roller coaster with K’s head” moment. I am feeling better after saying my piece. And I have finally figured out where this next small blog series is going to go.

After this post, I hope to talk to a really great author about one of her books, and how it might apply to some of the feelings I have been having.

My next goal, is to talk to another awesome author friend, to gain some insight into the differences between DD, D/S, and BDSM.

But first, a personal post.

BTW, I am feeling better now. 🙂 **

Drawing the Line

It’s time for another truthful post. I had a bit of a scary moment the other day. I was thinking about how to get another spanking from hubby. Truth be told, I like being spanked. I find it comforting, cathartic, and a lot of times, arousing. Sometimes, I think about spankings all day. I make up scenes in my head, where I get pulled over his knee for a firm but loving chastisement. I daydream about paddles, switches and canes, and the howling and begging that would come from these sessions. I don’t know why I feel this way. It confuses me, and shames me. Surely, a normal person wouldn’t have these feelings. Would they?

It reminded me of the conversation hubby and I had a year ago, at the very beginning of our DD journey. He had figured out very early on, even before I realized it, that I was a Spanko. Not that he knew that term. But he did articulate that he did not think DD would work for us, because I seemed to like being spanked. That was very humiliating. And it still kind of confuses and hurts me now. But he had brought up a very valid point.

This conversation came back to me recently, and it really worried me. I am in a DD relationship with my husband, whom I am supposed to love, honor and obey. And most of the time, I do that. Well, to be perfectly honest, I try to do it. I try to submit. I try to honor him. I TRY not to roll my eyes at him when he is being a doofus. And I try to honor him by not calling him a doofus very often – especially not to his face. 🙂

I also need to make something clear. I am not a masochist or a pain whore, or any other term that goes along with someone who enjoys pain. I don’t enjoy pain. I cry when I have to get a shot, I put off all dentist appointments.

(By the way, shouldn’t my HOH force me to go to the dentist to see about my cavities before they become root canals? That should seriously fall under HOH duties- drag wife kicking and screaming into dentist OR spank her every hour until she goes. I hate going to the dentist!)

I don’t wear underwire bras or tight jeans (both are too constricting and painful). I don’t have a problem with someone else being masochistic, if that’s their shtick, so be it. But it’s not mine.

Why am is saying this?

Because I am confused about my reaction to the spankings. It’s hard to comprehend my liking something, that I don’t actually like – PAIN. It makes no sense to me.

And it goes against the unwritten rule in the DD society. The rule seems to be that there is a line between BDSM and D/S and DD. If I want to be a true DD’er, I need to hate my punishments, and be humble and submissive to my HOH.

This confuses me, and makes me feel like a freak – A DD freak. I do feel badly when I disrespect my husband, or treat him badly, or manipulate him. And I feel badly when he has to punish me over these transgressions, since I know how much he dislikes spanking me. I feel guilty and sad.

But does it keep me from doing the same action at a later time?

No.

For someone reason, I crave his punishment. I don’t know if it is the connection, the fact that he is giving me 100% of his attention, or if it is actually the release from the spanking. I don’t know.

I felt like such a freak when I realized that his words from the past may have actually been true.

I like it when he spanks me. Sometimes I like it more than others. Sensual and good girl spankings are awesome! But maintenance and punishment spankings are good for me as well. In fact, sometimes they are better. He goes longer and harder for maintenance and punishments sessions. And I feel so much better when they are over.

Sometimes, I wish this THING in me would go away. I wish I could do some sort of hypnosis, and forget everything about spanking, DD, dominance and submission – all of it. If I could forget this part of me ever existed, I wouldn’t be so unhappy when he ignores my needs; or even worse, just doesn’t get it.

He just does not understand or relate to any of this. He doesn’t get turned on by words like “red ass”, “naughty girl”, or “Yes Sir”, like I do. I crave this dominance, the emotional connection, the release. It’s such a big part of me. And it hurts that he doesn’t understand.

If I could make this go away, I would probably still walk through life feeling like there was something a tad bit off, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I would let it go. But to know what I want, how I feel, and long for, so much I can taste it, and not have a fully reciprocating partner, is worse. It’s humiliating. It’s depressing. It hurts.

Which brings me back to my first point.

Why do I feel this way?

What the heck is wrong with me?

How do we combine my need for the HOH / DD lifestyle with my obvious positive emotional feelings towards each session?

I have seen the proverbial line. The real DD’ers submit; they don’t enjoy their spankings, and they sure as heck don’t manipulate their HOH’s into spanking them.

So where does that put us? Are we even doing DD? Am I asking for something else?

D/S, BDSM?

Where does my freakishly square peg fit?

Where is the proverbial line?

Does there even have to be a line?

Does it make me less of a DD’er if I admit that I have a little kink in me? (Little, obviously being an understatement)

Where does someone like me fit in?

Hopefully, after a little chatting with my good friends, I will have a better handle on some of this.

But for now, I really am happy to be in a DD relationship with my hubby. But I’m also embarrassed and sad that I don’t seem to fit the normal DD bill. I am still longing for that next spanking, and am also humiliated by this desire.

So, what’s next?

Am I a freak or not?

Non sexual Intimacy – part 1 – Band of Brothers

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I really enjoy a good spanking story, especially a romance where the strong alpha male upends the leading lady, and follows it up with a passionate love making session. Almost all my favorite stories include this dynamic. Mmmm, I love a good spanking.

Spanking is a very intimate act, which I enjoy reading about and also physically partaking in.

Then I read a book that tilted my world on its axis. In this story, the main character implemented spankings for punishment, stress relief, and release from guilt. These physical chastisements were done out of love. Theirs was one of the most intimate and loving relationships I have ever read.

But there was no sex! Surely there had to be some sort of sexual release at the end of such an intimate act! Society maintains that intimacy and sexuality go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. It’s physiology, right? Being the ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) type of personality that I am, I had to see if I could disprove this social theory. I came up with the following questions:

What is intimacy?
Does intimacy always lead to sex?
If spanking is considered an intimate act, does a spanking always lead to sex?
Is it possible to have an intimate relationship, without indulging in sexual relations?

After several very interesting internal dialogues (I have some awesome conversations with myself), some researching online, and a bit of intense “people watching”, I decided to share my thoughts on my blog. What follows is a three part mini-series about intimacy and the plausibility of it in a non-sexual relationship.

Today’s post will be about “brotherly intimacy”. I am using the military as my reference, since my husband and I met in the Army. We have almost 30 years of military experience between the two of us, and understand the framework of unit cohesion and safety.

My second post will be about “sisterly intimacy”. (I’m still working on this one. There is so much to choose from. If you have a favorite movie, literary work, or historical couple to suggest, please do so. Thanks in advance) J

My final post will be an interview with Anastasia Vitsky, author of “The Way Home”.

This is the story that started all of this, and got my brain moving in the direction of rational processing again. (Since this does not happen very often, we will also have a celebratory glass of wine afterward.)

We will be discussing the intimacy between her two main characters – yes, one of them gets spanked, a lot! – And how she was able to create this intimacy without the burden of a sexual relationship. We will finally be able to talk about my favorite thing- spankings!

But first, post one – the guys…

Non-sexual Intimacy (Band of Brothers)

Society has told us for so long now, that intimacy among two people is not possible without sex.

I don’t believe this is to be 100% true.

I think there is such thing as a familial bond even for those who are not bonded by blood.

The need to protect, and nurture, and love a person so unconditionally, that you would die for them. And sex is not even a part of it.

The relationship can be fraternal or paternal.

(1)Wikipedia explains that genuine human intimacy requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity.

When I think of this explanation, I think of the military, more specifically soldiers at war. The men sharing a foxhole on the front lines had to trust each other. Their very lives and the lives of the rest of their unit, depended on the actions of the man next to them. This relationship was created through their vulnerability. There were very little secrets among these soldiers. They shared their families, hopes, and dreams, through their dialog. They saw each other unclothed; they provided medical service for injuries; and had to take care of biological functions very close to each other. Privacy was a luxury for non-war time. These “brothers in arms” perfectly show us the meaning of non-sexual intimacy in a relationship.

My husband and I are former military. He served on Active Duty during Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I joined the Army National Guard when I turned 18, and remained mostly stateside. One of our favorite mini-series was “Band of Brothers”. It portrayed the lives of the young men of Easy Company, from their paratrooper training through the end of World War 2. This show contained everything a former military couple could want; action, drama, honor, bravery, loyalty, personal growth, personal loss, and intimacy.

These men were brothers, who lived and died for each other.

The intimacy in their relationships provided them with strong emotional attachments.

These attachments gave them a society in which to belong.

And this society was where they felt safe.

These relationships were the epitome of intimacy, held together by the deepest desires to be safe and loved and nurtured.

Yes, intimacy is a very deep connection that can lead to sexual activity. But is it necessary? Is it definitive?

In the case of The Brothers, I opine a clear and resounding, “NO”.

Their close bonds helped them work together, stay safe, and fight their wars (both physical and personal). Their intimacy was intense, deep, and did not necessitate sex.

Questions for the day:

Do you have a father or grandfather who served during war time? Did he ever talk about the intimacy he shared with his fellow troops?
Can you think of any other intimate acts or relationships that are not sexual?
Are there any other male characters historical or fictitious, that you can think of, who portray an intimate relationship that does not include a sexual component?

Thanks for joining me today. Please come back for the next installment of the intimacy mini-series.

And if you have the chance, please thank someone who has served. Because of them, we can talk freely about cool stuff like spankings and sex!

Yeah for freedom! 🙂

Katherine Deane – Romance Author

Erotic Romance with heart

Tag Archives: intimacy

The Emotional Side of The Coach’s Discipline

Promo post – Emmaline’s Groom by Casey McKay

Spanking Round Table – Domestic Discipline

Thankfulness 2013- DD, Hubby, and Life – Unscripted

New Book Promo for “Mastering Maeve” by Tara Finnegan.

Fantasy vs. Reality – A chat with Patricia Green

The new cool new DD Anthology I just read!

Drawing the Line

Non sexual Intimacy – part 1 – Band of Brothers