Tag Archives: non-sexual

Secrets and surprises of a close relationship – Guest blog by Cara Bristol

Cara Bristol is visiting today! I read this, and loved it so much!

Guest blog: Secrets and surprises of a close relationship

By Cara Bristol

Did you ever learn something new about your partner?

My husband and I recently marked our 23rd wedding anniversary. We dated for five years before we got married, so we’ve known each for 28 years. I think it’s fair to say we know each other really well.

And yet…I only recently learned that he likes banana pudding a lot. After 28 years together, how did I not know that about him? I know he loves mashed potatoes and gravy, cookies and milk, and lemon meringue pie, but somehow, I never knew he really, really likes banana pudding.

It’s always possible to learn something knew about somebody you think you know well. Or you discover that what you believe to be true, isn’t the case.

The hero and heroine of Destiny’s Chance are “platonic” friends, but Destiny has secretly loved Chance for as long as she’s known him. When a tragic act of fate brings them together as lovers, she believes she’s finally been granted her heart’s desire. But what she soon discovers is that Chance is a very kinky man—something she never knew about him. And Destiny has her own secret, one so incredible, it might just be the end of the new relationship.

 

Destiny’s Chance Blurb:

Fate gave her a chance for love. Is she brave enough to accept it?

Destiny Grable has loved Chance Everett for as long as she could remember, but he was never interested in her until a tragic act of fate grants her heart’s desire. Now Chance is all hers—body, mind, and soul. But once they’re together, she discovers he has a kinky side she never knew about. Is she ready for it? Can she handle it? And Chance isn’t the only one with a secret. If he discovers what she’s hiding, will he still want her?

Destiny’s Chance was previously published in 2013. This is a re-release.

 

Destiny's Chance 600 x 900

Excerpt:

A silk kimono slithered off a hanger to land on a chest on the floor of the closet. She hung up the robe and eyed the trunk. Made of aged, saddlelike leather, it had thick rawhide handles and brass hardware.

She dropped to her haunches. “Probably locked anyway.”

She pressed the button. The latch popped. She wavered, then surrendered to curiosity and lifted the lid.

“Oh my God!” She clapped a hand over her mouth and fell on her ass. “That’s his kink.” She stared at the treasure trove of spanking implements. Paying attention to how she removed them so she could replace them exactly as she’d found them, she examined the items. Several paddles of different shapes and sizes in both leather and wood. A pom-pom-like flogger with supple soft leather strands and a stiff wooden handle. Some common items: a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, a ruler. And a strop resembling a belt split into two parts. A tawse! She’d heard of them but never had seen one until now.

She smacked her palm with it. Biting. How would it feel against a bare bottom? She pictured herself laid out like an offering over Chance’s lap as he spanked her bottom until it was supersensitive and then stung her cheeks with the tawse.

Her pussy cheered with a twitch.

She fantasized often about being spanked but had no idea if she’d like it if she experienced it. However, she loved leather—appreciated its hard and soft textures, its masculine scent, the snap it made. Such a versatile material. Sensual. Sexy. She stroked the soft strands of the flogger, then whacked her palm with the tawse again.

She sat cross-legged on the floor like a little girl playing with grown-up toys. All she required for some really wicked games was a playmate named Chance.

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Author bio

USA Today bestselling author Cara Bristol writes contemporary and science fiction romance and has topped the Amazon sales charts in science fiction and fantasy romance and erotica. No matter what the romance subgenre, one thing remains constant: her emphasis on character-driven, seriously hot erotic stories with sizzling chemistry between the hero and heroine. Cara has lived many places in the United States, but currently lives in Missouri with her husband. She has two grown stepkids. When she’s not writing, she enjoys reading and traveling.

Cara Bristol website | New Release Newsletter | Amazon Author page

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The Big Brother fantasy – another personal musing :)

It’s time for another personal post. 🙂

This one is not sexual, and I already know that the word “fantasy” conjures up quite a different image than what I really want, but for lack of better words, and coffee, I’m going with it for now.

The other day, I replied on a post, that I wasn’t really into Stepbrother stories. (for the record, once again, I am a firm believer in “Your kink may not be mine, and that’s okay.”).

I got to thinking about it this morning while washing dishes.  “What is the big emotional factor behind me not getting into a kink that so many of my other friends do get into?”

It’s the Big Brother fantasy.

captain america

(I even figured out who I want to be my big brother, LOL. Yes, it is most definitely a fantasy. 😉 )

 

I have a big brother “fantasy”, and have for almost all my life.

No sex here. None whatsoever.

In my dreams and fantasies, I have always longed for a big brother.

A big brother that would stick up for me, kick bullies’ asses for me.

Cuss me out if I came home late, and forgot to call.

But wash my mouth out with soap if I dared to use the same words, LOL.

Hold me on his lap, and let me cry over the latest stupid drama (probably Facebook induced).

Remind me that I am a good person, and deserve the best in life.

Spank me over his knee, if I am not doing the best for myself.

 

overprotectove big brother

 

There’s plenty more. But I think you get the picture.

This isn’t all child and teenage based, though. It’s an adult wish as well.

As an adult, he would back off at times, but always be that safety net. Big Brother, the one I could always count on when I needed him.

He would probably die a million times, watching me make mistakes, but he would never turn his back on me, would never leave me. Would always love me.

My protector, my big brother would be there, because his main existence in life would be to be THERE for me. LOL, that’s a little egoistical and selfish, but hey, it’s my fantasy.

And here’s the thing, a real big brother would not ever have sexual feelings towards me, nor I toward him. We would love each other unconditionally, and give each other the strength to make it through life.

I would be the annoying, yet adorable, but always there for him, little sister.

He would be the Good Lord, this big jerk has pissed me off again, but he always has my back, big brother.

big brother picture

That’s my fantasy.

I’ve always tried to make it come true, by dating older or more mature guys. But it never quite turned out the way I planned.

What I portrayed as a need for sibling intimacy and connection, was always taken as sexual connection. Men never understood that.

I’ve always been drawn to the big brother type. That guy with a little hint of what I was looking for. But unfortunately, it confuses men. They take flirting as an invitation for sexual activity.

And to be honest, all I really want is the snuggles. And the safety net, And the bond.

And the spankings.

🙂

Psychologically, there might be something deeper. Like an Electra complex sort of thing. I don’t know. But that’s the fun thing about thinking, reading, talking and growing.

But for now, at least I have enough information to get going.

I have a Big Brother fantasy. I am probably the only woman in the world that feels that way.

LOL, which will make it very difficult to sell the idea of a brother  / sister relationship to the publishers. But, it’s still pretty in my mind.

Thanks for listening.

Happy spanks ❤

Age Play vs Age BE

I stopped everything (I have the half ironed short on the bed to prove it) to write out this post quickly, because it hit me with such resounding clarity and confusion (hehe, in other words, I fully understand that I am confused, but know why)

😉

There has been a really awesome conversation on spanking and age play in an online spanking group I am part of. It has opened up so many daggone questions for me.

And so many thoughts and so many realizations.

And once again- sooooooooo much confusion.

Anyway, the conversation was about the preferences in Age play (both for readers and real lifer’s), and there were a lot of different viewpoints.

Some like Age play, but only if sex is kept completely separate. (They called it clean or non-sexual AP)

Some like it, the darker and sexier the better. (I think I remember them calling it Dark AP)

There were people in the middle, who could take or leave certain aspects, as long as big things were present – like nurturing, caring, boundaries, guidance, love…

And then there were the people who wouldn’t touch AP with a ten foot pole.

 

 

My husband, the very vanilla (yet awesome, and I love him!) Head of our Household, can now, after two years, spank me, for pretty much any reason- YET

He still can’t say the word “Spank”. LOL, it is still called a discussion. And even when we are using a little hand on booty action for a sexual encounter, he can’t talk dirty or say anything that resembles the word “spank” or anything sounding like body parts.

He is in the “not with a ten foot pole” camp when it comes to Age play.

There are several factors to that:

He is still not comfortable playing sexually. And probably the biggest reason; we have young children. And we are both pretty tired from being “Mommy and Daddy”. The last thing we want to do is PLAY parental units.

At least, he feels that way, anyway.

 

I love the idea of being stroked on his lap, while he tells me I was such a good girl for ironing all his shirts, and cleaning up the kitchen. (If you know anything about me; just doing one of those tasks daily would put me in the VERY good girl category. 😉 )

Sometimes, I like the ideas of boundaries. More than just the HOH boundaries he instills. But maybe something like:

“You have been really grumpy the past few days, and have not been getting your chores done. You are going to go to bed at 9:30 pm for the rest of the week until you get caught up on some much needed rest.”

Or

“Did you accomplish your goal of writing 1000 words, and clean up the kitchen, good girl?”

“Oh, you didn’t. Then I am going to give you some incentive. First, you will finish the kitchen clean up like you promised. Then you will write for one hour. No reading for you tonight, young lady. Not until you finish those tasks.”

“And one more thing, you will be doing it all with a very sore little bottom. Come here.”

 

🙂

So I can honestly say, the above is something I wouldn’t mind playing with every once in a while.

But here’s the biggest problem (besides hubby).

 

I don’t PLAY young.

I don’t ACT young.

I just am.

I be.

(hehe, I bet all the grammarists are having a field day with this one J )

Seriously, it is not in my makeup to act. I have never been a very good actress. (ask my parents and every teacher I ever had. I was the worst liar. I could not do it)

I can’t just ACT like a little girl (or probably, for me- a teenager) on a whim, because I want to play around a little with my pretend hubby/ daddy.

I can’t act – because I AM young and playful.

I like to skip and sing and act crazy. It’s who I am naturally. I like to climb trees and poles and ropes. And before my big head injury, ten years ago, I loved to do flips off from every single one of the above.

I love being energetic and silly and having no inner monologue (most of the time).

I love giggling and making indecent bodily function remarks.

I AM younger than my 40 something body shows.

It just comes naturally to me, much to the chagrin of my husband during dinner parties or when we eat out. (LOL, my character in my next book, paints a chocolate mustache on her face. I sent this picture to a few friends this past year. I think they thought it was funny. The wait staff at my favorite buffet still gives me weird looks, though. :))

 

Anyway, my biggest issue seems to be with the labeling, and the word “Play”. I don’t like being labeled. And I can’t play something that I already do naturally. So there’s issue number one.

 

Issue number two deals with sex.

I fall into the non sex for AP camp. For me, since all of this comes naturally and is NOT play:

I can’t have sex with someone I am looking up to for paternal love and guidance.

Because my mind would not be able to separate that.

 

So back to paternal love and guidance.

I have had crushes on so many older boys and men throughout my life. I would latch on to them as quickly as I could. I would flirt and brat a little, and maybe, make out a little.

But sex?

I did not really want things ever to go that far.

Now that I have really started thinking about it, I think there is a possibility I was looking for older males to guide me and take care of me. I was looking for a father or brother figure. (That’s why – no sex).

So I must have been looking for a father figure to fill that void that my own father didn’t.

And now that I am married to a wonderful man, who leads me and spanks me, and has sex with me (when little people aren’t piled in our bed, or we aren’t both passed out from exhaustionJ ); I find that I am still yearning for a bit more.

 

But I am confused about this desire:

Am I actually looking for a father?

Or a big brother?

If my husband did ever agree to try it, would it be called Age Play?

How can I play something I already do naturally?

And more importantly, how do I fill that void if neither of us can take that step?

 

Okay, there’s my deep thoughts for the day. J I still have to finish that shirt. And little people will be calling for snacks soon!

Happy Monday ❤

Non sexual Intimacy – part 1 – Band of Brothers

I really enjoy a good spanking story, especially a romance where the strong alpha male upends the leading lady, and follows it up with a passionate love making session.  Almost all my favorite stories include this dynamic.  Mmmm, I love a good spanking.

Spanking is a very intimate act, which I enjoy reading about and also physically partaking in.

Then I read a book that tilted my world on its axis.  In this story, the main character implemented spankings for punishment, stress relief, and release from guilt.  These physical chastisements were done out of love. Theirs was one of the most intimate and loving relationships I have ever read.

But there was no sex! Surely there had to be some sort of sexual release at the end of such an intimate act! Society maintains that intimacy and sexuality go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. It’s physiology, right? Being the ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) type of personality that I am, I had to see if I could disprove this social theory.  I came up with the following questions:

  1. What is intimacy?
  2. Does intimacy always lead to sex?
  3. If spanking is considered an intimate act, does a spanking always lead to sex?
  4. Is it possible to have an intimate relationship, without indulging in sexual relations?

After several very interesting internal dialogues (I have some awesome conversations with myself), some researching online, and a bit of intense “people watching”, I decided to share my thoughts on my blog. What follows is a three part mini-series about intimacy and the plausibility of it in a non-sexual relationship.

Today’s post will be about “brotherly intimacy”.  I am using the military as my reference, since my husband and I met in the Army.  We have almost 30 years of military experience between the two of us, and understand the framework of unit cohesion and safety.

My second post will be about “sisterly intimacy”. (I’m still working on this one. There is so much to choose from. If you have a favorite movie, literary work, or historical couple to suggest, please do so. Thanks in advance) J

My final post will be an interview with Anastasia Vitsky, author of “The Way Home”.

This is the story that started all of this, and got my brain moving in the direction of rational processing again.  (Since this does not happen very often, we will also have a celebratory glass of wine afterward.)

We will be discussing the intimacy between her two main characters – yes, one of them gets spanked, a lot! – And how she was able to create this intimacy without the burden of a sexual relationship. We will finally be able to talk about my favorite thing- spankings!

But first, post one – the guys…

band_of_brothers_freres_armes_fond_ecran_1024x768

Non-sexual Intimacy (Band of Brothers)

Society has told us for so long now, that intimacy among two people is not possible without sex.

I don’t believe this is to be 100%  true.

I think there is such thing as a familial bond even for those who are not bonded by blood.

The need to protect, and nurture, and love a person so unconditionally, that you would die for them.  And sex is not even a part of it.

The relationship can be fraternal or paternal.

(1)Wikipedia explains that genuine human intimacy requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity.

When I think of this explanation, I think of the military, more specifically soldiers at war.  The men sharing a foxhole on the front lines had to trust each other.  Their very lives and the lives of the rest of their unit, depended on the actions of the man next to them.  This relationship was created through their vulnerability.  There were very little secrets among these soldiers.  They shared their families, hopes, and dreams, through their dialog.  They saw each other unclothed; they provided medical service for injuries; and had to take care of biological functions very close to each other.  Privacy was a luxury for non-war time.  These “brothers in arms” perfectly show us the meaning of non-sexual intimacy in a relationship.

My husband and I are former military. He served on Active Duty during Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I joined the Army National Guard when I turned 18, and remained mostly stateside.  One of our favorite mini-series was “Band of Brothers”.  It portrayed the lives of the young men of Easy Company, from their paratrooper training through the end of World War 2.  This show contained everything a former military couple could want; action, drama, honor, bravery, loyalty, personal growth, personal loss, and intimacy.

These men were brothers, who lived and died for each other.

The intimacy in their relationships provided them with strong emotional attachments.

These attachments gave them a society in which to belong.

And this society was where they felt safe.

These relationships were the epitome of intimacy, held together by the deepest desires to be safe and loved and nurtured.

Yes, intimacy is a very deep connection that can lead to sexual activity. But is it necessary? Is it definitive?

In the case of The Brothers, I opine a clear and resounding, “NO”.

Their close bonds helped them work together, stay safe, and fight their wars (both physical and personal). Their intimacy was intense, deep, and did not necessitate sex.

Questions for the day:

  1. Do you have a father or grandfather who served during war time? Did he ever talk about the intimacy he shared with his fellow troops?
  2. Can you think of any other intimate acts or relationships that are not sexual?
  3. Are there any other male characters historical or fictitious, that you can think of, who portray an intimate relationship that does not include a sexual component?

Thanks for joining me today. Please come back for the next installment of the intimacy mini-series.

And if you have the chance, please thank someone who has served. Because of them, we can talk freely about cool stuff like spankings and sex!

Yeah for freedom! 🙂