Tag Archives: normal

I’m Weird and I’m me – a personal post

I’m WEIRD

and

I’m ME

I don’t know exactly where this post is going to take me, because I am thinking as I type.  I started musing while I was in the shower (it’s where most of my good ideas come from), about a conversation I had with my sister the other day.
She called me weird after I said something extremely “Kate” like. But it didn’t offend me.
We took the conversation further, and both agreed that my inability to sometimes fit in with “normal” society, is also what gives me my intense creative spark.
It also gives me a huge heart for love and the desire to create new things every day- whether they be in written form, sung, made with mod podge, glued, stitched, knitted, sewed…
For most of my life, I have been called names  and descriptions like
  • hyperactive
  • geek
  • dork
  • spaz
  • crazy
  • weird
and the worst…
  • not normal
and for most of my life (and in moments when I am feeling less secure), I have been hurt by those comments.
But now that I have my own children who exhibit a lot of my unique “Kateness”, I can see how unique and beautiful these differences make them.
And if I can see that beauty in them, it stands to reason, I should see it in my own self.
Sometimes, it’s hard.
Sometimes, I feel sad, unloved, misunderstood’ like I am on the outside looking in.
But those feelings don’t last long. 
By nature, I am a happy, energetic person. So I don’t stay down long. And I know how to ask for help.
I am blessed with a great online social network of friends who are always ready to send hugs and
❤ ‘s. (even better – kitten and puppy pictures!!! 🙂 )
I also have a small network of close friends who I can call or email and talk to.
So, here’s the thoughts for the day:
If I have friends like that…
  • I must not be that unlikable

 

If I like creating things, and it gives me pleasure, and sometimes, it blesses others…
  • then, my energy and “spazziness”, must be a good thing.

 

And finally, if I can accept those differences in my children, and see them for all their worth, and all the wonderful things they bring to others…
  • then, I need to accept them in myself.
Yes, sometimes the words hurt. But they don’t have to.
I’m proud to be weird.
I am proud to be different.
My unique “Kateness“, makes me special.
 
And I like that about me.
 
 
I might not always be able to let go of the words, and I might not always have the self confidence to be me,
 
 
but for now…
 
I accept that
 
 
I am weird
 
and
 
I am the only me I can be.
Someday soon, I might start a new blog (and maybe even a slightly autobiographical story about all the interesting things I have been through.)
 
It will be funny. (the story of me dancing in my undies to the Justice League theme song, is a pretty good start. 🙂 )
 
 
It might be a bit gross  ( picking lice from the kids’ hair, burping, yeah, lots of burping, gross cat stuff…..)
 
 
Then there’s Army training, running, my first Thanksgiving turkey….
 
And there might be some not so happy moments (the real stuff that still make me cry at night)
 
 
But most of all, it will be me.
So that’s me.
 
I will keep you all posted if / when I finally start the new series or blog.
 
-special hugs for each of you, my unique, gifted, wonderful friends.
 
blessings and hugs ❤
– KATE

Lightbulb moment in DD

pushy woman pic

Ah nuts, I had this post ready for yesterday. It talks about my DD lightbulb moment from a few nights earlier.

I wanted to share it, but wasn’t quite sure if it was ready to be viewed. I also was not sure what the reactions would be, and I am a little insecure at times.

What is so funny, is that I am sitting here this morning, in a COMPLETELY different mindset.  I am crabby, and tired. I desperately want some attention from my husband. I feel like manipulating him into a “discussion”. I want to go shopping, and spend some money frivolously. 

*sigh*  But a small part of me understands that this will not benefit either of us.

So, I am taking my own advice from the post below. If I re-read it enough times, it may snap me back into my “good space”. 🙂

Wish me luck! (or take away my debit card for the day! 🙂 )

Here is my post from Wednesday:

____________________

Light bulb moment in DD

Hubby came home last night to a house of quietly giggling, well behaved little girls, and a pleasant wife cleaning up in the kitchen.

I had even gotten the house back in some semblance of order, had done my hair, put on a little makeup (not much, we both prefer the natural look), and was wearing a cute skirt and top instead of my normal sweats and t-shirt (and frown).

He even commented on it.

He told me how nice I looked; how much he appreciated coming home to a happy wife; and how pleased he was with my efforts to get the house back in order. (We had just come off spring break, and the house was a wreck!)

Then I realized what he was saying. My actions last night were not THE NORM.  Being happy and calm, taking pride in my appearance, and taking pride in our home, were something he noticed as atypical. That was a shocking realization for me.  My husband should not have to come home, and be surprised that I am in a good mood.  Granted, being home with little people, and being tired, and slightly hypo glycemic, does tend to make one a tad ornery. But still, it shouldn’t be the norm. At least, it shouldn’t be OUR norm.

I also see this in our DD relationship.  When I am agitated, or looking for a fight, I want him to take me in hand.  But if I do this too often, he won’t want to because it has become burdensome to him. It seems like a never ending cycle of bad moods and attitude adjustments.  It never ends, and probably seems hopeless. So, why bother?

While I get frustrated by his inconsistency, I can also understand, that sometimes he gets tired from all of it.  Especially, if I have been crabby every day he has come home from work. He doesn’t want a crabby wife that surprises him by being pleasant. And I don’t want to be that wife.  There has got be a happy medium, some common ground to stand on.

So last night- after all the pleasant chatting was over, and he had had a chance to decompress, hubby was able to step in when I became frustrated with our little ‘bed-time negotiators’. My passive aggression kicked in, and I made a few snarky remarks towards him.  Since this had not been our norm for the evening, he immediately saw it for what it was. He was able to see this new development, this snarky attitude, as unusual, something that needed to be altered.

He called me over to him, pulled up my night gown, and administered 5 very hard swats to my back side.  I apologized, and hugged him, and prayed that no neighbors had been walking past our house, since the front porch light was not on.

I hurried to turn on the lights, just in case.

Then my internal light bulb went on.  I realized how much easier it was for him to take care of these smaller situations, when he wasn’t over-inundated with almost constant needs for correction.    I realized that my manipulations and pushiness towards discipline and attention, actually pushed him further away from being able to address me.

It is the ‘less is more’ concept.  The less I bug and manipulate him, and the less crabby I act…

–  the more able he is to clearly see what I need.

And he is more willing to act accordingly, because he doesn’t see it as an endless cycle.

Wow!!!!! I had never thought of it this way.

Cut and dry – if I back off, he will step in.

I need to make sure I change our nightly norm as well as our DD norm. Less is more.

And a husband should not have to come home and be surprised when his wife is in a good mood.  LOL, this will be tough for me to do sometimes because of the stressors of little people handling. But it will be worth it in the end.

Wish us luck!