Tag Archives: personal post

Personal post – hug tackling peer pressure

Hey everyone,

(This is another one of my intimate, personal posts. Yes, I am letting myself be vulnerable. And yes, I hope friends will reply with love. Thanks! ❤ )

So, I had a really interesting moment today…

Here’s a little background going in:

My eleven year old daughter has been bullied and shunned a bit by the neighborhood girls this past year and a half. It’s normal from what I have been told, for middle school girls to be jerks, so we have been (im)patiently awaiting her old friends to come back and accept M for her differences.

And we’re actually doing pretty well. M is highly creative, and has found a lot of joy in playing online games with different people every day; and has found new ways to express herself through her art and drama.

After a long summer of her asking if she could cut her hair, I acquiesced. (my thought was “it’s hair. It will grow back.” and “If this is something that makes her happy, okay.”)

We found a Sports Clips that does only males, and showed them the picture, and voila, my beautiful, little girl came out as the most angelic, prettiest little boy I have ever seen.

M then asked to get some “boy” clothes so she could strut her stuff as a Roblox-playing, Minecraft apparel-wearing, scooter-riding boy.

She spent the last few weeks enjoying the fun side of being a boy, and even opened doors for me on her own; grabbed grocery bags; helped her little sister walk across the parking lot safely…

I had a few moments of confliction- wondering if I was setting my child up for failure, sending her to hell (because of a few well-meaning remarks by a friend); potentially allowing her to be shunned even more…

(I cried a few times. The big yucky ones that come with lots of snot and hyperventilating and trying to talk while wheezing through stuttered, hard-to-get breaths)

And then my sister and my best friend both got onto me. (lovingly, the way a bestie and a sister should 😉 )

They reminded me that the jerks in the neighborhood had been jerks even before M started trying out her new looks and acting. They reminded me that M had been a vampire, a witch, a goth, a fairy, a unicorn and a mermaid over the past several years.

Her experimentation and creativity were what made her, HER. And she was beautiful because of that light inside her and out. And not because of what anyone else perceived as beautiful and normal.

(okay, that’s the first part. Here’s my small part 🙂 )

Last night, I accidentally got dragged into one of those fun facebook games because I “liked”  a friend’s post about getting out of a speeding ticket with their boobs, and another for winning a lottery. 😉

Even though I hate these games, I decided to follow through, because there was a chance it was legitimately for breast cancer. And hey, I’ll do almost anything fun for kids, animals, wounded vets and cancer.

So I decided to choose the craziest post I could-

diarrhea.

Hehe, I could have chosen something like using my boobs to get out of a ticket, but a lot of other people had done that already, and I wanted to be unique. 😉

Then I regretted it for the next several hours-tossing and turning in bed, wondering if people were going to really believe the post. Was my mentor / friend going to email me and say, “Um, Kate, you know that is really unprofessional and inappropriate.”

(She hasn’t yet. But with our relationship, I would expect her to, and appreciate her looking out for me.) 😉

Anyway, I almost took it down today.

Then, I had an “it just clicked” moment with my daughter…

Today, she decided she wanted to pull out all the makeup, find her cute sparkly tennis shoes, dress up a bit differently; and be a “skater girl” sort of type.

(makeup, styled hair kind of like Anne Hathaway’s after Les Miserables, a Minecraft shirt, sparkly shoes, pink eye shadow, foundation, a little blush, and some light pink lipstick)

anne hathaway

To say she ROCKED IT, is understating how amazing she looked. She was absolutely adorable, and once again showed off her style and flair in a confident manner.

Until we got to her new class. (She had only been to this class twice)

M sat in the car, and cried, and tried to wipe off all the makeup. She said she was afraid these new girls would tease her for wearing makeup, like the neighbor girls did.

I was furious!

Not at her. Mostly those little girls and their mothers; at myself for not doing a better job of projecting confidence and a “Girls kick ass” aura a bit better.

I told her that. I kind of lost my temper a bit too. But I told her everything that was on my heart, while my other, younger daughter listened wide-eyed in the back of the car.

I told her not to take off that dang makeup. That it had made her feel pretty and happy up until the second we pulled into the parking lot of the class.

That she was letting other people, and the fear of even more people change her actions and perceptions of herself.

She is a beautiful, amazing, young woman, who is kind and loving; does amazing art; plays with little kids, tells other people the things that bless them. She is creative and fun and energetic.

She is able to pull off being a vampire, a mermaid, a fairy, a boy, a skater girl, goth chick, karate kick ass chick… You name it, she pulls it off with style.

I told her all of this, along with the fact, that if she decided to change her style, not because she wanted to , but because she was afraid of what someone else would think, then she was essentially saying everything that she is (that we can all see in her), is crap.

It was probably a lot for an eleven year old to take in. But I wanted her to know that I love her so very much, and I don’t care how she dresses. And if it makes her happy, then she should continue doing it.

Be her.

Be M.

(not many people remember the unicorn picture from a few years ago. Sorry, I can’t post it on my public blog. But for those who haven’t seen it, picture an eight to nine year old prancing around Trader Joes, singing, “I’m a Unicorn.”)

That’s my baby.

I hope she knows how much she is loved, and how special she is.

I hope she never loses that light.

And I pray that she doesn’t let peer pressure affect her as badly as I have let it affect me.

So, I’m keeping the Facebook post.

Yep, folks. I have diarrhea. 😉

And I am going to make a really conscious effort to not worry about what my peers think of me before I do things.

I am going to write some books that make me happy without wondering about perception.

I’m going to continue wearing my Army boots with sun dresses (much to my poor hubby’s dismay 😉 )

I’m going to wear pigtails when I want to look cute.

I am going to remember to like myself, not for anyone else’s judgment or acceptance, but for me.

Because, not only do I have a little girl on my living room couch, wearing a long, red wig and minecraft clothes; and I want to be a good role model;

but also because I think it might be pretty dang good for me too.

Sorry for the long post.

Thanks for listening.

unoque quote

hugs and blessings

The Family that laughs together…

I wasn’t planning on posting anything today, but we just had another memory moment in the Deane household.

My eight year old had taught herself how to make frozen ice’s from juice and soda today, and wanted to make me one.

So I pulled out the big ole honkin’ jug of green vegetable V-8 juice, shook it rapidly, and placed it on the counter after loosening the lid, so she could pour my ice cup easily.

Then I went to start her bath water.

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. 😉

I came back, picked up the container of what I am now calling “mean, yucky green stuff that should not be in certain parts of my body”; started shaking

hehe, it went everywhere when the cap flew off.

All over the counter and crock pot

it doused my hairy in green stuff

it went down the front of my sundress.

Yes, it was everywhere.

My eight year was shrieking with laughter as her little face reddened from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard.

My ten year old, came over shook her head, and gave me her patented “I’m almost a teenager” look of sarcasm / pity.

My husband came down, and tried not to laugh.

“It’s okay, you can laugh,” I muttered and ran water in my eye. Yes, it was in my eye!

He laughed.

I laughed. We all laughed.

And hubby even offered to clean up the mess while I took a quick shower.

I like that about my family.

Even though we get busy, or frustrated, or distracted from the important things, we can always find something to laugh about together.

(Usually, it’s me. But hey, what’s the point of being boring. I like to entertain people.)

Notes to self from this afternoon:

  1.  Always make sure the lid is tightly screwed on before shaking anything.

2.  Put this scene in a future book. People like a good laugh 😉

 

hugs and laughs ❤

 

The Big Brother fantasy – another personal musing :)

It’s time for another personal post. 🙂

This one is not sexual, and I already know that the word “fantasy” conjures up quite a different image than what I really want, but for lack of better words, and coffee, I’m going with it for now.

The other day, I replied on a post, that I wasn’t really into Stepbrother stories. (for the record, once again, I am a firm believer in “Your kink may not be mine, and that’s okay.”).

I got to thinking about it this morning while washing dishes.  “What is the big emotional factor behind me not getting into a kink that so many of my other friends do get into?”

It’s the Big Brother fantasy.

captain america

(I even figured out who I want to be my big brother, LOL. Yes, it is most definitely a fantasy. 😉 )

 

I have a big brother “fantasy”, and have for almost all my life.

No sex here. None whatsoever.

In my dreams and fantasies, I have always longed for a big brother.

A big brother that would stick up for me, kick bullies’ asses for me.

Cuss me out if I came home late, and forgot to call.

But wash my mouth out with soap if I dared to use the same words, LOL.

Hold me on his lap, and let me cry over the latest stupid drama (probably Facebook induced).

Remind me that I am a good person, and deserve the best in life.

Spank me over his knee, if I am not doing the best for myself.

 

overprotectove big brother

 

There’s plenty more. But I think you get the picture.

This isn’t all child and teenage based, though. It’s an adult wish as well.

As an adult, he would back off at times, but always be that safety net. Big Brother, the one I could always count on when I needed him.

He would probably die a million times, watching me make mistakes, but he would never turn his back on me, would never leave me. Would always love me.

My protector, my big brother would be there, because his main existence in life would be to be THERE for me. LOL, that’s a little egoistical and selfish, but hey, it’s my fantasy.

And here’s the thing, a real big brother would not ever have sexual feelings towards me, nor I toward him. We would love each other unconditionally, and give each other the strength to make it through life.

I would be the annoying, yet adorable, but always there for him, little sister.

He would be the Good Lord, this big jerk has pissed me off again, but he always has my back, big brother.

big brother picture

That’s my fantasy.

I’ve always tried to make it come true, by dating older or more mature guys. But it never quite turned out the way I planned.

What I portrayed as a need for sibling intimacy and connection, was always taken as sexual connection. Men never understood that.

I’ve always been drawn to the big brother type. That guy with a little hint of what I was looking for. But unfortunately, it confuses men. They take flirting as an invitation for sexual activity.

And to be honest, all I really want is the snuggles. And the safety net, And the bond.

And the spankings.

🙂

Psychologically, there might be something deeper. Like an Electra complex sort of thing. I don’t know. But that’s the fun thing about thinking, reading, talking and growing.

But for now, at least I have enough information to get going.

I have a Big Brother fantasy. I am probably the only woman in the world that feels that way.

LOL, which will make it very difficult to sell the idea of a brother  / sister relationship to the publishers. But, it’s still pretty in my mind.

Thanks for listening.

Happy spanks ❤

Husband or Daddy – What’s the difference?

Gah! We had another rough morning  in the Deane household – getting the kids out to door for school.
My ten year old had a headache and slight nausea and wanted to stay home.
I’m the softy that will always accept the excuses, and told her,
“Okay, baby, let’s just rest, and we’ll do our school work from home.”
(she did have a slightly elevated temperature, though)
But The Heavy put his foot down.
Explained we don’t always feel well, but we still have to do our job.
Told her to do the best she could, but to have the teacher call us if she did actually puke.
😦
Hubby is always good like that.
He enforces the 8:30 pm bed time rule, when I would happily keep watching Superhero cartoons with the kids til at least 9 pm.
(Young Justice, Lab Rats, Justice League Unlimited… they are so awesome!)
He doesn’t take “I don’t feel well” for an excuse to stay home.
And last night, he called out “Stranger Danger”, when I went to answer the door after dark.
LOL, who does that?
(But I hadn’t thought twice, thinking it could have been a neighbor.)
It was actually strangers, selling carpet cleaning. I’m glad I stopped and let him answer. 😉
Hubby also lets me know when big / bad things happen in the world, so I don’t have to listen to the news.
He’s a good daddy.
To all of us.
Even though we are not in an AP relationship, he definitely has the stern, matter of fact, right from wrong, easier isn’t always best attitude, down pat.
And that’s what a daddy does, right?
Yesterday, he even gave me a couple of swats for being a good girl and finishing a ton of laundry.
He’s a good hubby, and a good daddy, and very good at being The Heavy.
We complement each other.
Sometimes, I complain about him not getting me, and not having that much in common, but somehow, we fit.
We work together.
And that is a very good thing.
He’s Heavy.
I’m soft.
It’s just like chocolate and sea salt. You wouldn’t think it would work, but it does. 🙂
I’m off to iron and catch up on some quick (much needed) housework, while both kids are at school.
Hopefully, my daughter won’t get sick at school. I don’t want to “I told you so” hubby that badly.
❤ Hugs and spanks

I’m Weird and I’m me – a personal post

I’m WEIRD

and

I’m ME

I don’t know exactly where this post is going to take me, because I am thinking as I type.  I started musing while I was in the shower (it’s where most of my good ideas come from), about a conversation I had with my sister the other day.
She called me weird after I said something extremely “Kate” like. But it didn’t offend me.
We took the conversation further, and both agreed that my inability to sometimes fit in with “normal” society, is also what gives me my intense creative spark.
It also gives me a huge heart for love and the desire to create new things every day- whether they be in written form, sung, made with mod podge, glued, stitched, knitted, sewed…
For most of my life, I have been called names  and descriptions like
  • hyperactive
  • geek
  • dork
  • spaz
  • crazy
  • weird
and the worst…
  • not normal
and for most of my life (and in moments when I am feeling less secure), I have been hurt by those comments.
But now that I have my own children who exhibit a lot of my unique “Kateness”, I can see how unique and beautiful these differences make them.
And if I can see that beauty in them, it stands to reason, I should see it in my own self.
Sometimes, it’s hard.
Sometimes, I feel sad, unloved, misunderstood’ like I am on the outside looking in.
But those feelings don’t last long. 
By nature, I am a happy, energetic person. So I don’t stay down long. And I know how to ask for help.
I am blessed with a great online social network of friends who are always ready to send hugs and
❤ ‘s. (even better – kitten and puppy pictures!!! 🙂 )
I also have a small network of close friends who I can call or email and talk to.
So, here’s the thoughts for the day:
If I have friends like that…
  • I must not be that unlikable

 

If I like creating things, and it gives me pleasure, and sometimes, it blesses others…
  • then, my energy and “spazziness”, must be a good thing.

 

And finally, if I can accept those differences in my children, and see them for all their worth, and all the wonderful things they bring to others…
  • then, I need to accept them in myself.
Yes, sometimes the words hurt. But they don’t have to.
I’m proud to be weird.
I am proud to be different.
My unique “Kateness“, makes me special.
 
And I like that about me.
 
 
I might not always be able to let go of the words, and I might not always have the self confidence to be me,
 
 
but for now…
 
I accept that
 
 
I am weird
 
and
 
I am the only me I can be.
Someday soon, I might start a new blog (and maybe even a slightly autobiographical story about all the interesting things I have been through.)
 
It will be funny. (the story of me dancing in my undies to the Justice League theme song, is a pretty good start. 🙂 )
 
 
It might be a bit gross  ( picking lice from the kids’ hair, burping, yeah, lots of burping, gross cat stuff…..)
 
 
Then there’s Army training, running, my first Thanksgiving turkey….
 
And there might be some not so happy moments (the real stuff that still make me cry at night)
 
 
But most of all, it will be me.
So that’s me.
 
I will keep you all posted if / when I finally start the new series or blog.
 
-special hugs for each of you, my unique, gifted, wonderful friends.
 
blessings and hugs ❤
– KATE

back to reality (personal post) :)

beach

 

The Deane household is back from the beach, and settling into “normal” life again. I loved the beach, and the aspect of “getting away” for most of the week.

 

My favorite things about the beach were:

 

Wonderful sunshine and salty smelling wind that blew my hair into knots.

Seriously, why bother brushing it? It was going to fall out of the braid or ponytail and get messed up anyway. So I left it in loose, messy braids and ponytails.

 

Unrestricted dressing standards

My husband got quite the chuckle out of my loose dresses. It turns out they are a little see through, though (and I was bra-less). 😉

LOL, you can’t wear beachwear back at home, or the neighbors get really angry 😉

 

Watching the kids jump through gigantic waves with their daddy.

He even took one for the team, and got a black swollen eye trying to keep our littlest one from going under water. He’s our hero. 🙂 He even let me snap a picture of his “fighter look”.

 

Finding the best seashells

I went on a trek for the perfect seashells, and found out, that the best seashells were the imperfect ones- beautifully flawed. That kind of resonated with me. 🙂

And I’m going to make seashell necklaces to remember our trip.

 

Making a huge birthday sign in the sand

It took me several hours of digging, scratching sand lines, and filling with seashells. I finally finished with a truly awesome “Happy Birthday (to my daughter)” banner that was absolutely huge! (It washed away with the tide, but we knew that would happen.)

 

 

My least favorite things about the beach:

 

Sun and ocean allergies

My body is highly senstitive to changes in environment, so I blotched up and rashed and got really funky looking after some of our beach play. (Thankfully, I had my essential oils and the guide book. So , no worries.)

But I do wonder if my body is allergic to the beach. 😦 That would really stink.

 

Coffee makers

Gah! Is there anything worse than trying to do math- BEFORE coffee?!?! Seriously, the bag says to measure out the coffee per 6 oz of water.

Well, the doggone coffee pot measures water in cups (which I know are 8 oz).

So we had to do math! A lot of math. Hubby and I went back and forth for a good few minutes (remember, we had not had much sleep, and were pre-coffee),

“10 cups is 80 ounces, right?”

“yeah”

“How many times does six go into 80?”

“Why don’t you just do eight cups. We don’t need 10 cups of coffee”

“Ok, how many 6 ounces go into 64?”

“just dump a bunch in, until it’s about ¾ full.”

 

Worst coffee ever!

LOL, four days of the worst coffee ever. We never quite got the numbers right. And when we finally did try out 13 tablespoons, it was more than what we had originally dumped into the filter.

Next time, I am bringing my single cup maker.

No math.

One k-cup

Press the water button

Glorious coffee in less than a minute

 

Final least favorite

Leaving the beach 😦

Self explanatory

 

***

I guess this means I should give my favorites and least favorites about being home:

 

I am definitely happy to be back in my own environment, and am drinking delicious single cup coffee, while snuggling with kittens and typing a blog post using internet.

(Hallelujia! Did I forget to mention, no internet connection, as one of my “not favorite beach moments”? ) 😉

And I am happy to get back into a scheduled routine (we have math and reading to do, swimming lessons, etc…).

But I miss the beach. It was nice being on vacation for even that short amount of time. It was nice being together as a family, and actually interacting with each other.

It was nice to just get away from the everyday stresses. LOL, and stress about little things like sand and coffee measuring.

 

I am thankful to be back home with my family and the (super cute, but sometimes mean) kitties.

 

Now, it’s time to set a real summer schedule.

I still have two fairy tale / paranormal books to finish writing and editing.

And I have a ton of laundry to catch up on.

 

At least we brought home plenty of sand to remember our trip.