Tag Archives: Round Table Discussion

SRR – Round Table Discussion – The Vanilla Spouse

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Most of you already know I am in an LDD relationship with my sweet hubby. And many of you have probably figured out from my posts and gripes that I am the Spanko, and he is pretty much the, um, Vanilla, who is willing to try, even though it is not his thing.

He’s a pretty great guy.

Well, a few years ago, we were not happy in our marriage. I was an angry, manipulating, bratty, pushy wife, who made both of us miserable. I bet you’re thinking it was before DD.

You’re wrong.

🙂

It was actually the first 6 months into our DD adventure, and a few months beforehand.

I’ve told the story before, about how I stumbled upon DD, and knew in my heart that it was for me; how I asked my husband to spank me (not for fun or sex) ; that he laughed because it shocked him; and that I wasn’t upset because I had read some really good books preparing myself for his reaction.

What I have not shared, is how obsessed I became with DD, and all things spanking related. I was a wrecking ball of spanking information ready to toss it at my husband at a moment’s notice.

My favorite couple and blog were a couple named Clint and Chelsea, and I spent hours reading Clint’s blog. I spent even more time, regaling hubby with my newest “Clintism”.

“Well, Clint says you are supposed to be more consistent with me.”

“Clint had a great article on non-physical punishments, honey.”

“Chelsea got spanked because…” (I don’t actually remember now 🙂 )

 

I practically demanded that he get his booty online and start learning about HOH’s, and spanking, and his duties as my leader.

LOL, yes, you heard right, I demanded that he let ME submit to him.

Pretty screwed up, eh?

It was a dreadful few months for us.

It was already hard enough for the poor guy to get into any spanking activities, because it wasn’t his thing. Not like it is for me, anyway. But he still tried. He did his best, and he asserted his authority, and even started spanking me.

A little at a time.

Until I started squirming. LOL, if I even breathed the wrong way, he stopped.

Gah! It was so frustrating! I was so angry at him for not being a Spanko.

He did not get it.

He didn’t understand that suddenly, this whole new world was opened up to me, and this world finally fit me – perfectly!

He would not go online and meet other HOH’s (he felt that most men who were in that relationship, were most likely power hungry jerks getting off on the authority)

He would not read any of the information about proper spanking technique, warm up, implements, consistency…

LOL, he is the typical male when it comes to direction. He will figure it out himself or die trying.

And it didn’t help that I pushed so hard. Besides emasculating him, it also made him not want to try to do any of it.

Which made me lash out even more.

Vicious cycle, right?

 

We finally came to a point where I could not take it anymore.

We were seriously miserable, and were at a very low point in our marriage.

I respectfully asked him if I could go to a disciplinarian. I had found her online when searching for spankers a few months earlier.

Ok, I’ll be honest. I know it probably doesn’t shed me in a very good light, but I was desperate at the time. I needed to be spanked so badly. And my husband was not willing at first.

This woman was so nice and caring. She understood what I was asking over emails, and phone, and finally a lunch date. She got it. She knew what I needed.

And she was willing to give me the spanking I desired, (for a fee of course. She is a professional), with one albeit.

I needed to be perfectly honest with her whether I was going to go with my husband’s knowledge or without.

She was cool enough to not judge or lead me either way. This was my decision to make.

But we both agreed that, in the long run, it would not help my marriage if I did it without his approval.

I wanted so badly to just go behind his back, and do it. Get that harsh spanking I had always wanted, the one that would bring me to tears, and would release all my negativity.

I was torn.

If I asked him, and he said “no”, I would resent him; if I went behind his back, I would feel guilty.

I finally decided to go the upfront route.

I told him that it was not a reflection on his skills, or his manhood, but that I wanted to go see (and pay) this woman, to have her spank my bare bottom.

It took several weeks for him to mull it over.

During this time, I slowly realized how much I was torturing him because of my disrespect and anger.

I backed off, and let him have his space.

And then something clicked for both of us.

He wanted to lead, but did not want to be forced into it.

I wanted to follow, and wanted him to want to lead – but only if he wanted to.

 

I was pleasantly surprised when he gave me my first real punishment.

Compared to now, the spanking was nothing but a long warm up, LOL.

But at that point, wow, it was intense!

And wonderful!

 

The next day, he agreed to let me go see the disciplinarian. Miss Aria.

We agreed that her husband would not be in the house, and that only she would have access to my bottom.

I would love to share my session with her, but I’m running out of space for today. So that will be saved for another post. 🙂

 

So all in all, this has a happy ending. It took both of us a while to get into our roles, and figure out what we wanted.

Our communication definitely got better!

He is and always has been a good leader. I just wouldn’t let him. I was too wrapped up in my own wants and needs.

And I have apologized to him for that.

He has also (not exactly apologized, but as close as he can come 🙂 ) mentioned an acknowledgment that he is not as much into the lifestyle as I am.

And that’s ok.

I’ll probably gripe every once in a while, about consistency, proper technique, implement usage, a longing for real corner time, and just one mouth soaping (just to try it).

But then again, in our relationship, I am the subject matter expert, on spanking.

I guess it’s in my blood. 🙂

I am happily married to a vanilla man, who is willing to add some flavor to our relationship. This month’s flavor- Twizzler red booty. Stripes and all!

I’ll try not to complain too often.

*****

Thanks for stopping by today! Please head on over and visit the other cool blogs. There are lots of different viewpoints and experiences to share. 🙂

Happy spankings!

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Spanking Round Table – Domestic Discipline

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I have been eagerly awaiting this month’s round table discussion on Domestic Discipline!

In fact, I have been so excited to share my journey and thoughts on DD that I waited until the last minute to write my post! It wasn’t that I was procrastinating. It’s just that there were so many possible things for me to talk about.

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I could have talked about my initial fears of being unaccepted, or laughed at when I explained my needs to my husband.

I could have talked about my need for the grey area between DD and sexuality.

I could have very intimately explained, how close we came to divorce, because of our fights and poor communication at the beginning of our DD journey.

I even thought about talking about the difference between fantasy and reality in our DD relationship.

But each of these sub topics will be saved for another day.

Because I had a few defining DD moments with my husband this week.  And in my desire to keep my posts real, I’m going to share these moments with you instead.

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If I were asked to describe Domestic Discipline a few years ago, I would have said,

“The HOH (in my case, it is my husband) takes charge of the family, and his wife.  He makes the decisions; he leads by example; he makes rules; and he punishes (spanks) when the rules are not followed.”

There you go.

Cut and dry.

My DD expectations in a nutshell.

To be led

To have rules

And to be held accountable

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As we both grew into our roles, we both realized that neither of us needed a tough, rulemaking, no “if’s and or but’s” dictator.

I thought I wanted him to make tough decisions for me.

I thought I wanted him to force me to bend to his will.

I thought I wanted rules- lots of rules—with consequences! (Spanking consequences, of course).

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As it turns out, I am aroused by many of his spankings.  It sometimes is a sexual thing for me.

So it has made it difficult to blur the lines between sexy and authoritative.

But after a year and a half of tweaking, we have finally found a rhythm that suits both our needs.

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I have learned that he needs my respect and love as much as I need attention.

If I want his attention in the form of a spanking, I need to ask for it.  If I brat and manipulate my way into a spanking, it makes us both feel badly.  The spanking has not served its purpose- to bring us closer together.

Sometimes, I need a quick attitude adjustment, though.  I tend to get hypoglycemic (and veeeeeeery ornery) when I don’t eat on time.

We don’t have many official rules. Mostly, we stick to the D’s (Disrespect and dishonesty being the two biggest.)

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Last night, hubby came home to me frantically trying to keep noodles from bubbling out of the pot, sauce from messing up the whole kitchen, and coaxing the little people to “try it, you’ll like it”.  (My many talents do not include food preparation, unfortunately. 🙂 )

I was crabby, unfed, and frazzled. And he was over ten minutes late!

I refused to look at him or acknowledge him with more than a quick grunt, and an “about time” muttered under my breath.

He hugged and greeted the kids, turned off the stove, and said, “Mommy and I will be right back”, and led me (grumbling the whole way about burnt pasta being on his conscience) into the bedroom.

After deciding that I did not have a good reason for my attitude, he bent me over the bathroom sink, and gave me 5 of the hardest swats he has ever given me.

This gave me something to think about.

  1.  He had totally been holding back during all those other hand spankings. These swats actually HURT! And they were over my jeans. Heaven forbid, he had pulled them down, like he sometimes does.
  2. He has come a long way, since that first, “Am I hurting you?” spanking.

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He explained that he didn’t appreciate coming home to a crabby wife that wouldn’t even hug him or tell him that she missed him.

I almost cried.  He has grown over these past few years, with respect to his communication. What would have been a grunt and a “back away quietly into his man cave”, became a quick articulation of his feelings.

This snapped me out of my funk.  I hugged him and apologized for being so mean and disrespectful to him.

We walked out and finished making dinner. He dished up my bowl, and commanded me to

“EAT.”

He even kept the little bitties engaged, so I could eat in peace. Yes, I shoveled gluten free pasta and ground beef with sauce faster than you can say, ‘Jack Sprat ate no fat’.  And in a few minutes, I felt better.

I was very thankful for his help in this. A few years ago, I would have pushed and pushed, until we were both miserable.

All it took was a quick spanking, a hug, and some loving communication.

*****

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We had another defining DD moment, 30 minutes later.

I had lain down to snuggle with my sweet little angels, before bedtime, and decided it was so nice and comfy, that I would remain after they left.  Even though it was only 7:15 pm, I was willing to stay there, wrapped up in warm blankets, pretending to snooze for the rest of the night.

But hubby didn’t let me.

He made me get up!

LOL, I have always wanted to pout and complain about my hubby “making” me do something, but the truth is, he has never actually “made” me, or forced me to do anything in my life.

Even the few times, I have acted like I have not wanted a spanking, I willingly went over his lap.  It was a façade of non-consensuality.

Everything we do in our relationship is consensual.

So when he came into the bedroom, and saw me still snuggled in bed, even though my snuggling counter parts had already left for their own beds, he hugged me and announced,

“Ok, it’s not time for bed yet.  The kitchen still needs to be cleaned up. Then you can relax for the night.”

Several years ago, I would have told him where to shove the dirty dishes, informed him he was a grown man, and told him that he should take care of the &!% kitchen himself!

But to be perfectly honest, I agreed to take on the role of home duties, and even asked him to hold me accountable for its upkeep. Several weeks earlier, I had even begged him to not let me leave the kitchen dirty at night time. It stressed me out to wake up to a pile of dirty dishes and old food.

And to his credit, he held firm. I have had three nights where I have just not felt like doing my task, and he has nicely called me on it.

One night, when I was sick, he mentioned that he would let the kitchen duties go for the night because I was not feeling very well.

My feminist friends would have had a field day with this! They would have hollered about equal rights and said that he should have gotten off his lazy *ss and done the kitchen himself. And a few years ago, I would have agreed with them.

But now, I am at a point, where I like the stability of having our set roles. I like my roles. I like knowing that he cooks on the weekends (Hallelujah, decent food finally!). I like knowing that I have duties that need to be performed. I like having consequences.

Guess what the biggest consequence is to my cleaning up the night before?

  • I feel better about myself.
  • I am happier and less stressed in the morning.

I like rules and consequences- they make me feel safe.

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If I were to leave the kitchen messy for longer than a day (due to sickness or any other good excuse), he would step in, and take over the task.  But I have asked him not to, unless absolutely necessary.

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This is for one big reason. It empowers me. These accomplishments energize my soul.

He has never made me do anything I did not want to do.

But he does empower me to:

  • Stop and think
  • “Pull up my bootstraps”
  • Work to the best of my abilities
  • Fulfill my duties

His strength is my strength.

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Though I may complain about him every once in a while, because he is still rather vanilla, and has to be reeeeeeeally coaxed into trying new things, (bedroom things, spanky things, new implements…).

I appreciate him, and his willingness to journey with me.

Domestic Discipline is not for everybody.

There are many different ways to embrace the lifestyle.

Our journey is our own, and will keep changing as our lives change.

Sometimes, I still fantasize about rules and dominance and my HOH talking to me like a Dom. But I am happy with the path we have followed and the progress we have made.

This is our DD life.

I’m happy we could share it with you!

*****

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Ok, now that I’m done with my post, I need to get to the ironing!

Mean old hubby is MAKING me iron his work shirts. 😉

He even spanked me last week, when he had no unwrinkled shirts in his closet! (The horror!)

I’m going to ask him for another spanking tonight!

But first, I’ll go iron a few shirts 🙂

Happy spankings!

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If you haven’t already checked out the fantastic introduction post by this month’s host, Corinne Alexander, head over, and check it out!

And here is the link for the other awesome posts! Enjoy!

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Role Play – Our Intro to Domestic Discipline

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Welcome to the third edition of the Round Table Discussion – spanking hot topics, hosted by Spanking Romance Reviews.

Today’s topic is Role Play.
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Anyone that knows me, knows I am energetic and slightly prone to over dramatizing at times. 😉

I love fantasizing, I love playing, and I love getting lost in a scene.  That’s probably why I love reading so much. It gives me the opportunity to escape reality, and is more socially acceptable than breaking into song and dance in the middle of the neighborhood.  (LOL, I wonder why I haven’t received any more Mary Kay and Juice Plus invitations.)

While I love acting and singing and loud chatting, my husband is the complete opposite.  He is the epitome of the Southern Gentleman.

  • You do not air your dirty laundry to anyone – not even your best friends.
  • You do not walk out of the house un-showered or in sweat pants. (He even showers before he mows the lawn!)
  • And you do not incorporate dirty language into bedroom activities.

Though we complement each other, we often find ourselves on different sides when it comes to certain matters.  I will go into more detail about our DD journey next time, but suffice it to say, it took a lot to convince him to try spanking as a form of discipline.  When he finally agreed to spank me, he couldn’t do it.  We agreed that he should not spank in anger, and he argued that he didn’t feel like spanking me if he wasn’t angry.

It was so confusing and overwhelming for both of us. Grrrr! I wanted him to spank me (for many different reasons, which I will expound on later).  But he wasn’t comfortable taking his hand to my bare bottom – no matter how much I egged him on. (And believe me, I pushed pretty hard at times.)

I learned about Role Play, while reading one of my “sexy” books, as he calls them.  Though that kind of interaction was more sexually based, I saw how it could be manipulated into a spanking scene.

It sounded so easy, and so wonderful! I pictured his stern face as he pulled me over his lap.  He would say words like “naughty girl”, and “bare bottom”, and “you won’t sit for a week…”. I would howl and beg for mercy from his hard hand, while he lectured me about proper lady like behavior, and would remind me that putting ex-lax in his sister’s coffee was VERY UNLADYLIKE.  Then he would paddle me until I sobbed.

This seemed like a pretty easy scene to play, so I brought it up to him one night.

“Honey, since you don’t like the thought of spanking me for anything but sex, let’s try some role play.  I’ll pretend to be a naughty wife. You pull me over your lap, and spank me as hard as you can. OK?”

It probably wasn’t the best idea for me to give him a “script” of what I wanted. I think my “topping  from the bottom” set him up for failure.  But being the loving husband that he was, he agreed to try.

He led me into the bedroom, and locked the door.

I pouted at him, stomped my foot, and called him a big bully. (I may have even stuck out my tongue. I don’t remember.)

He sat down on the bed, and yanked me over his lap, and said,

Young La…”

That was the furthest he got before dumping me to the floor, falling backwards on the bed, and giggling. Yes, my full grown, intense Alpha male, was giggling hysterically, and flailing on the bed!

I started laughing at the absurdity of the situation, and we both stared at each other’s red faces, and laughed until we cried.

It was by far, the silliest experience we had had in a long time.  (But it is still one of my favorite memories)

I am happy to say, that we finally worked it out. When we took out the extra drama (and the script), and just let things progress naturally, the scenes worked a lot better.

He still does not say anything during role play sessions. But he has improved in the nonverbal aspect. I love the way he maneuvers me over his lap, and holds me tightly. His hand is so hard and methodical- he makes sure not to leave a single inch of my backside untouched. He heats my body, thoroughly dominating and then satiating me.  It is so amazing to see the progress we have made, both in and out of the bedroom.

And because of those wonderful (and not so wonderful) role play sessions, he is now much more comfortable “discussing” issues with me.

** A discussion means a thorough bottom warming, just in case you were wondering.**

It still makes me laugh.  He can’t say the word “Spank”, but he has definitely figured out the physical side of it.

My Southern Gentleman is loosening up.

And I am leaving my scripts where they belong, on the laptop, ready to be made into fun stories.

I’m thinking the ex-lax in the Sister in Law’s Coffee scene is going to be a big hit, LOL!

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Thanks so much for stopping by! Please head on over and visit the other blogs. They have some great things to say about this topic!

And please leave a reply. I love to chat!!!!! 🙂

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